Dawn1919
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Posts: 28
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« on: February 20, 2013, 08:10:17 AM » |
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Hi guys!
It's been 4 months since I broke up with my undiagnosed ex-boyfriend of 2 years. It was a very messy break-up, with him supposedly having some kind of sore/outbreak on his genitals right afterwards and accusing me of cheating on him and giving him an STD. I was freaked out by this (I never cheated and have been tested pretty regularly over the years during check-ups and what not- never had anything) so I went to get tested again just in case. Everything came back negative, except the fever blister herpes virus and the antibodies for that was very low (I haven't had a fever blister in years and years, maybe more than ten). He eventually went and got tested and examined, and he let me know they told him it was a 'penile adhesion' and he had no STDs.
ANYWAY, he was obsessive and hateful for the first 6 weeks after our breakup, and I basically went no contact, though I had a very hard time doing so. He threatened me, called me names and was just very nasty. I ignored all of it. And then, he began to beg forgiveness. He got a job, made an appointment with a psychiatrist (he is one of those very aware that he has major issues-well, I guess he is aware at certain times in his "cycle", and really seemed to be making progress. I spoke to him on the phone for the first time in January... . he went on and on, rambling about the mistakes he made and how I didn't deserve any of his horrible treatment. And then, when I didn't immediately take him back and pretend like none of this ever happened, he would get angry at me again and I was the whore, the evil btch that ruined his life. And every time he resorted back to this name calling, I would refuse to talk to him. And then he'd settle back down and the cycle would start all over again. I've been very open with him, telling him that he is not a viable option to me as he is, that I don't want someone in my life that could call ANYONE the things he calls me, let alone their loved one.
This has been going on since January then, with him texting and calling 50 or more times a day. I have played my own part in this by not just cutting him completely out. But it hurts so bad to see him in pain- my family says he is manipulating me and I believe this to be true. However, I also believe that he feels each thing he says in the moment. He's not holding back a part of himself in an effort to manipulate me... . does that make sense? It would be easier for me to cut him off if he was, well... . SANE enough to have the ability to hold a part back to manipulate. Instead, he is fully inside the pain and yes, it DOES manipulate me but... . I don't know. It's hard to explain why I can't just let it go. I have been in therapy for the past four months and some things in my life have greatly improved but I have made no progress on dealing with this relationship.
And this week has been especially bad. Supposedly, on Monday, he had another outbreak on his genitals. He went to the doctor, who visually inspected and diagnosed him with herpes. The doctor got his results from the earlier test, and the herpes test wasn't reported on other than to say there was a "problem with the testing apparatus" so the test wasn't completed. He then lost his job for not showing up and going to the doctor. He is frantic and panicking. I am getting double the amount of calls and messages, which I finally blocked from actually alerting me on my phone when they arrive. I looked at some of them at work yesterday and they were "we need to talk ASAP" and I called and said you have one minute, what's wrong... . and he told me about the herpes and insisted I be an adult and tell him who/what I did to give him this disease. I told him I got tested and I don't have herpes, and he started wailing about how it's so unfair that he got herpes while being fully committed to a woman he loved and I better have it too. He says to just tell him I gave it to him and we can "move on and he can forgive me". It is so nuts. I don't HAVE herpes. I reiterated this to him, and then he wailed about being all alone with herpes. Then last night, I got emails from him stating he was going to drive his car into a storage shed and close it up and kill himself. He has a daughter that lives with him and that he adores, so I've always thought he'd never kill himself because she'd have to live with that horror... . but he seems different this time. I called him to assess how serious he was, and he was coughing like crazy and told me I was talking to a dying man. I hung up and called his mother and she said he was outside in his car, but not in the garage or anything. She went out to check on him but was afraid of making things worse (their relationship can be volatile)... . but he apparently made it through the night and is back to texting me that today is the day he's going to end it all.
I guess... . I just need help understanding why I can't let him go. It hurts so bad to imagine him in pain; it really gives me physical and emotional symptoms. I am aware that the best thing I can do for him is to remove myself totally from the equation, but he has nothing and no one to care for him, otherwise. Am I just still caught in FOG? And why isn't my therapy helping with this? And why hasn't he moved on? After everything I read, I really assumed he would be onto the next one by now but he just keeps on and on with me.
I don't know if this makes any sense. I'm really upset. I guess it's important to note that I'm aware that none of this could be true, but his mom did tell me she was the one who took him to the doctor on monday but he didn't tell her anything that happened there. Thanks for any words you can toss my way!
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