I messed up

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

My therapist told me I need to hang out in groups and not put myself in any one-on-one situations with women for a while.  I followed that advice until last night.  I met a girl at a bar who was clearly into me and I acted on it.  I thought it would make me feel better.  She came home with me.    The craziest thing has happened that I could have never predicted.   I feel guilty.  I feel like I cheated.  I've been NC for a month and I feel like I cheated?   This seems insane.  My exwBPD was unfaithful to me during our relationship, but I was completely faithful to her.   Why in the world am I feeling guilt?

[sunrising]

My therapist told me I need to hang out in groups and not put myself in any one-on-one situations with women for a while.  I followed that advice until last night.  I met a girl at a bar who was clearly into me and I acted on it.  I thought it would make me feel better.  She came home with me.    The craziest thing has happened that I could have never predicted.   I feel guilty.  I feel like I cheated.  I've been NC for a month and I feel like I cheated?   This seems insane.  My exwBPD was unfaithful to me during our relationship, but I was completely faithful to her.   Why in the world am I feeling guilt?

[whatarideout]

I've been NC for a month and I feel like I cheated?   

if you feel "guilty" for sleeping with someone when you're no longer with the person you perceive to have "cheated" on, it's because you are still emotionally attached to your ex.

consciously, your understanding will tell you the relationship is over and you are nc. go deeper. your emotional mind is still connected to your ex, even if you're physically no longer together.

guilt is an emotion. one that is there to inform you that you may have done something wrong. you didn't. which means, a part of you still "feels" as though you are in a relationship with your ex. you're not. this points to your attachment towards her, emotionally.

move towards detachment. this state of mind will allow you to release the attachment you've created and prevent the feeling of guilt to continue.

[OTH]

What do you want? Are you still attached? Why do think the experience didn't make you feel better?

[sunrising]

What do I want?... .    Well, I guess if I'm being honest, what I WANT is for my ex to not be disordered so we can be together.  That's impossible.  Also, I know that what I NEED is more important than what I want.  I know I'm still emotionally attached to her.  I need to not be.  I understand this takes time, but I just really want it to be over.  I keep hearing that I'm going to come out of this a stronger, better person.  I'm ready for this part to be over and for that time to come.