You are my everything

[apple]

 The reason people get hung on the words that were said is because its the words that are used as tools causing the emotional / psychological trauma.


The Tongue (Not The Pen) Is Mightier Than The Sword

“Reckless words pierce like a sword,

but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

- Proverbs 12:19

[PDQuick]

The reason people get hung on the words that were said is because its the words that are used as tools causing the emotional / psychological trauma.

Ok, I'm going to argue a few points here. Words are just letters arranged in sequences to convey a meaning of communication between human beings. Words, in and of themselves carry no sharp edges, or flow with enough velocity to pierce someone. Words do not cause trauma.

What hurts is how the feelings of another, conveyed and communicated via words, differ from our own feelings and perceptions. The amount of trauma that we inflict ourselves with, because of these differing feelings, and perceptions, are in direct proportion to one of two things. The first in how much we value the person from which the feelings, or perceptions flows, via words. The second is how close we hold onto our own feelings and perceptions.

A stranger walks up to you on the street and says "I don't love you." Ok, no big deal.

The person we have chosen to engage in a love bond with, have sacrificed everything for them, and have tried to make their lives better for them says "I don't love you" and we have a whole different world. Especially when it conflicts with what we have perceived to be the idea that they love us, and our feelings that we need for them to love us to become whole. MEGA OUCH!

The one thing that the disorder sufferers have in common is that they are consistently inconsistent. Their minds, thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, perceptions, and emotions can turn faster than the vast majority of our own. They swing on a pendulum. Back and Forth.

We see what we want to in them because we are looking for a specific thing. On each swing, we are able to see what we want, because the pendulum will pass our fixation point twice in the swing, just as a broken watch is right twice a day.

We all have wants, needs, desires, and those things are the very things that keep us in a relationship, and happy. We are just more consistent.

When someone says that you are their everything, they mean it. But when it turns on a dime, and a fight breaks out, then we should realize that we are dealing with someone with a shallow emotional root system, and not be surprised when the emotional tree falls down, despite the fact that there is only a slight breeze.

[apple]

The reason people get hung on the words that were said is because its the words that are used as tools causing the emotional / psychological trauma.

Ok, I'm going to argue a few points here. Words are just letters arranged in sequences to convey a meaning of communication between human beings. Words, in and of themselves carry no sharp edges, of flow with enough velocity to pierce someone. Words do not cause trauma.

What hurts is how the feelings of another, conveyed and communicated via words, differ from our own feelings and perceptions. The amount of trauma that we inflict ourselves with, because of these differing feelings, and perceptions, are in direct proportion to one of two things. The first in how much we value the person from which the feelings, or perceptions flows, via words. The second is how close we hold onto our own feelings and perceptions.

A stranger walks up to you on the street and says "I don't love you." Ok, no big deal.

The person we have chosen to engage in a love bond with, have sacrificed everything for them, and have tried to make their lives better for them says "I don't love you" and we have a whole different world. Especially when it conflicts with what we have perceived to be the idea that they love us, and our feelings that we need for them to love us to become whole. MEGA OUCH!

The one thing that the disorder sufferers have in common is that they are consistently inconsistent. Their minds, thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, perceptions, and emotions can turn faster than the vast majority of our own. They swing on a pendulum. Back and Forth.

We see what we want to in them because we are looking for a specific thing. On each swing, we are able to see what we want, because the pendulum will pass our fixation point twice in the swing, just as a broken watch is right twice a day.

We all have wants, needs, desires, and those things are the very things that keep us in a relationship, and happy. We are just more consistent.

When someone says that you are their everything, they mean it. But when it turns on a dime, and a fight breaks out, then we should realize that we are dealing with someone with a shallow emotional root system, and not be surprised when the emotional tree falls down, despite the fact that there is only a slight breeze.

we perceived ?  No... .  they used words which have meaning behind them. Verbal abuse or causing emotional and psychological confusion with the use of words is in fact trauma.

Words have meaning and value. As a fiduciary the words I use are legal and binding. As such, I am held accountable for my words and would be in a court or law.

[PDQuick]

OK Apple, I understand. I get what you are saying, in a court of law. Also, in a court of law, we are brought forth into it usually by our actions, and have to use words to either rationalize, or explain the actions that brought forth the hearing. Am I correct?

Also, this is life, and not a court of law. These are emotions, not laws themselves. We have participants in a relationship, not plaintiffs, and defendants. We have free will to choose whomever we want to be with in a relationship (of course outside the covenant of marriage, and then, even if we break those covenants, the penalties are rarely carried out other than financially).

The clue here is actions versus words. Many of us, myself included, listened to words, simply because they were what we wanted to hear. We excused the actions. We made excuses for the actions, and we also allowed them to make excuses for the actions.

Words do have meaning and value. I will whole heartedly agree with you on that. Words, backed up by consistent actions that support those words are priceless. Words backed up by nothing are useless strings of letters assembled into a sentence.

Im not trying to argue with you here Apple, and I hope that it doesn't come across that way. 

Since you brought the court reference into this, how many people that have been caught committing a crime say "I will never do it again, I promise"? Only to engage in that activity again as soon as their shoes hit the street?

One recurring theme that goes on here, with all of the members in this forum, myself included, was how much weight we gave to the actions of the loved ones that inspired us to come here. The other recurring theme is how many times we looked the other way or forgave them for going against their spoken word.

[apple]

OK Apple, I understand. I get what you are saying, in a court of law. Also, in a court of law, we are brought forth into it usually by our actions, and have to use words to either rationalize, or explain the actions that brought forth the hearing. Am I correct?

Also, this is life, and not a court of law. These are emotions, not laws themselves. We have participants in a relationship, not plaintiffs, and defendants. We have free will to choose whomever we want to be with in a relationship (of course outside the covenant of marriage, and then, even if we break those covenants, the penalties are rarely carried out other than financially).

The clue here is actions versus words. Many of us, myself included, listened to words, simply because they were what we wanted to hear. We excused the actions. We made excuses for the actions, and we also allowed them to make excuses for the actions.

Words do have meaning and value. I will whole heartedly agree with you on that. Words, backed up by consistent actions that support those words are priceless. Words backed up by nothing are useless strings of letters assembled into a sentence.

Im not trying to argue with you here Apple, and I hope that it doesn't come across that way. 

Since you brought the court reference into this, how many people that have been caught committing a crime say "I will never do it again, I promise"? Only to engage in that activity again as soon as their shoes hit the street?

One recurring theme that goes on here, with all of the members in this forum, myself included, was how much weight we gave to the actions of the loved ones that inspired us to come here. The other recurring theme is how many times we looked the other way or forgave them for going against their spoken word.

Hey I know it's not a court of law . I am just trying to say that words wether in personal or legal manner carry weight, meaning and have impact. I think the hard thing for so many, is to come to terms and understand that the words coming from someone with BPD have absolutely no value, and no meaning behind them.

It is the verbal push and pull with words that confuses the heart and mind.

[almost789]

True in scientific terms words are just words. However, in the living breathing human being who has emotions and feelings words indeed can cause trauma. If a mother calls her son a worthless piece of crap.  That causes trauma, no doubt. If a child is bullied by verbal abuse only by peers that WILL cause trauma. None of this will matter in a court of law. Very rarely.

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me?

Not true.