Ive been honest and felt it helped me at least

[Ruthy2]

So pleased I cam across this forum, a place to share your thoughts and actions with people who have been there and undertsand! 

Ok so I had a therapy session, Ive never engaged in one before always believing I was strong enough to get through anything, so in a way it was like admiting defeat in a sense, but I feel it really helped and Im to see her again next week.

So on the back of this I was honest with my now ex, why I felt I needed to tell him my new found thought path I dont know yet, but maybe I just wanted him to know the mask has slipped and I am completley aware of the situation and parts we have played.  Maybe another part of me wanted him to admit it was the truth and say he would get a help, but I know deep down this was never going to happen.

I know I will be painted even blacker for the things Ive said to him but you cant loose what is already gone!

So I told him this would be my last contact and that I respected he needed to shut me out to help himself, I also explained I was fully aware of the situation and that it hurt but I had accpeted it for what it was.

I explained Id realised there was rescuer in me and that is why I stayed and I hoped at some point he would get help in order to experience a real relationship.

Finally I apologised if he found my honesty uncomfortable but I was no longer going to be an enabler as it had not helped either of us.

I recieved no reply, he is probably looking at the message and thinking Im crazy or just maybe he is silently raging knowing that I know and have learned more than he ever thought.

Has anyone else ever done something similar and what was the outcome for all concerned?

[slimmiller]

Kuddos on the therapy! Its not you loosing, actually quite the opposite. It takes strength to do that and it also proves you are serious about bettering yourself...

I think what you told him did not cause him to paint you black (although I dont know that for sure)  The honesty and frankness you showed him probably completely disarmed him. Had you been accusive in any way he would have fired right back and poured it on. I think he is probably aware that his grip has slipped and therefor at this point he wont fight.

It seems like the more we struggle, the harder they fight. Its how they are wired and what is the norm in their worldview

[Ruthy2]

Thank you

Yes I see your point in that the harder we struggle the more they fight.

I didnt expect a reply as he has detached himself from me right now and probably doesnt care less what my messages say, but it made me feel better to be honest with him and myself instead of accepting the behaviour is normal and that it isnt a case of we are just not going anywhere as Ive so many times accepted as the reason for the breakup in the past.