Anxiety upon contact

[Depression = 72% of members]

Wondered if this is just me?

We are trying to remain "on good terms" for many reasons that I have mentioned before, e.g. financial.

Yet I find myself shaking as I check my inbox or texts each morning, and if I see her name, my stomach is in knots.

It's so sad, I used to beam inside when I got any message from her.

They were always happy and loving.

Now, they could be anything -

"Hi, how are you?" or something neutral

Something practical, about the bills

A passive aggressive remark, e.g. "I do hope you're ok, I know how hard you are trying to get over me and I am so proud of you for that" (Urgh, patronising!)

Right down to:

"I can't be doing this! You haven't contacted me in 6 whole days!  What is your problem?"

It's like, not knowing which way she will jump next... .  

I wish she didn't owe me money, I wish we didn't have committments and debts to sort out that are in both our names... .  I wish she would just go away quietly.

How do you get over this?

How do I change my thinking so that I'm not at her mercy?

[mango_flower]

Wondered if this is just me?

We are trying to remain "on good terms" for many reasons that I have mentioned before, e.g. financial.

Yet I find myself shaking as I check my inbox or texts each morning, and if I see her name, my stomach is in knots.

It's so sad, I used to beam inside when I got any message from her.

They were always happy and loving.

Now, they could be anything -

"Hi, how are you?" or something neutral

Something practical, about the bills

A passive aggressive remark, e.g. "I do hope you're ok, I know how hard you are trying to get over me and I am so proud of you for that" (Urgh, patronising!)

Right down to:

"I can't be doing this! You haven't contacted me in 6 whole days!  What is your problem?"

It's like, not knowing which way she will jump next... .  

I wish she didn't owe me money, I wish we didn't have committments and debts to sort out that are in both our names... .  I wish she would just go away quietly.

How do you get over this?

How do I change my thinking so that I'm not at her mercy?

[struggli]

Yeah, I tremble still when she contacts me, 8 months after BU.

Mine owes me 5k.  Pretty much everyone suggested I let it go -- that I will probably never get the money anyway and it's better for my mental health to accept the loss.

And I think that's good advice.

Do you have to keep in contact?  Are there things you can let go in order to sever the tie?

Her contact has been reduced to about once a month, just a little feeler text, but I have just been ignoring.