newbie - questions about splitting

[Morgandaisy]

I am brand new to this site and I am already learning so much. 

Last week my BP husband and I had a fight in which I verbally attacked him about "always" leaving the kitchen and letting me clean up alone like a maid, and then I went on about other things.  The next day he told me that he thinks I carry so much resentment toward him, how could I possibly love him when I apparently have so many negative feelings towards him.  I replied "both can be true" - well, that sent him off the deep end and he still cannot stop talking about it.

Apparently I need A LOT of help with myself and my reactions.  I went to Al Anon for many years so hopefully my background there and this forum will help.

Any advice or suggestions?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rockylove]

  Morgandaisy, I also went to Al-Anon for several years (2nd ex-husband is an alcoholic) and A LOT of what they teach you applies here, but there are many many differences as well.  Reading and re-reading the lessons (Understanding your partner's behaviors and Understanding your role in the relationship) helps.

It's a very complicated disorder and I'm trying to learn as much as I can about it.  I've read several books that were suggested and am going to get more.  I don't want HIS disorder to consume my world, but it certainly helps to know what I'm up against!

Keep posting and reading... .  you'll find everyone here to be sympathetic and encouraging

[LetItBe]

Yes, you might want to check out the Lessons here if you haven't already:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272.0  Validation is very important.  SET could be a good technique to use in this scenario, I think.  You could try prefacing your Truth statement (that you can be struggling with something going on between you two and still love him -- or another statement you create that is true for you) with Support and Empathy statements.  You can read more about how to do that in the Lessons and perhaps post some some of your SET statements here for feedback if you'd like.