"I feel like a whore" Anyone heard this line?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Does it make sense if someone that believes you are going to hurt them... .  especially when intimacy triggers these fears... .  will say and do things that seem really irrational?

yes it does now. I was just unaware anything was wrong with her at the time and reading this just made me realise there were quite a few times I was trying to convince her I was not using her.

I found that when I would argue or defend or explain (pretty much what the staying board calls JADE) would make things worse.  Mine would dig his heels in more the accusations would escalate then their would be a tantrum of some kind.  Because the fear paranoia ruled and my JADEing invalidated feelings.  So it was like a negative feedback loop.

Theres a workshop on paranoia and jealousy. It's interestong if you aren't dealing with it with a partner. 

[GreenMango]

Does it make sense if someone that believes you are going to hurt them... .  especially when intimacy triggers these fears... .  will say and do things that seem really irrational?

yes it does now. I was just unaware anything was wrong with her at the time and reading this just made me realise there were quite a few times I was trying to convince her I was not using her.

I found that when I would argue or defend or explain (pretty much what the staying board calls JADE) would make things worse.  Mine would dig his heels in more the accusations would escalate then their would be a tantrum of some kind.  Because the fear paranoia ruled and my JADEing invalidated feelings.  So it was like a negative feedback loop.

Theres a workshop on paranoia and jealousy. It's interestong if you aren't dealing with it with a partner. 

[asher2]

I'll chime in on this one. Yes, I heard that phrase at the end of our relationship. On the morning we broke up, I was looking for what I always looked for with her first thing in the morning. She said she didn't want to but then proceeded to. After we were done she said that phrase to me. Mind you, this is the same girl who would set her alarm early in the morning just so we could have sex before she got ready for work.

In my situation, that phrase was an excuse. It was a classic "hey, look over here!" all the while she was really trying to cover up a new relationship with someone else.

[tailspin]

Squid,

It seems a statement such as "I feel like a whore" is more closely linked to how she sees you than anything else. A disordered mind is most likely to feel whatever is mirrored to them.  This illness is characterized by a lack of emotional intimacy.  They don't give it and we, evidently, don't require it because we stay in these relationships long after we know emotional intimacy is never going to happen.  These relationships are safe for the both of us until their disorder kicks in or we finally realize we deserve better.  Don't confuse intensity for intimacy.

What does this say about us? 

tailspin

[charred]

Squid,

It seems a statement such as "I feel like a whore" is more closely linked to how she sees you than anything else. A disordered mind is most likely to feel whatever is mirrored to them.  This illness is characterized by a lack of emotional intimacy.  They don't give it and we, evidently, don't require it because we stay in these relationships long after we know emotional intimacy is never going to happen.  These relationships are safe for the both of us until their disorder kicks in or we finally realize we deserve better.  Don't confuse intensity for intimacy.

What does this say about us? 

tailspin

Suspect you are right, I only heard it when she was irritated with me... she lived 3 hrs away and sometimes I would need to leave earlier than she wanted... then those comments came out. I guess it says we enjoy sex with the people we are in love with... .  what it says about them... .  perhaps they tolerate it and are not in love, or even really capable of being in love.

[nylonsquid]

Squid,

It seems a statement such as "I feel like a whore" is more closely linked to how she sees you than anything else. A disordered mind is most likely to feel whatever is mirrored to them.  This illness is characterized by a lack of emotional intimacy.  They don't give it and we, evidently, don't require it because we stay in these relationships long after we know emotional intimacy is never going to happen.  These relationships are safe for the both of us until their disorder kicks in or we finally realize we deserve better.  Don't confuse intensity for intimacy.

What does this say about us? 

tailspin

Says I'm done, Tailspin. I'm done.

[tailspin]

Says I'm done, Tailspin. I'm done.

 you are not alone.

[nylonsquid]

 you are not alone.