Detachment experiment

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I thought of something this morning that I think may help me.  I'm starting it today, will try it for a few days, and post back with my results.

One of the concepts about a pwBPD which has stuck with me the most, and with which I most identified from my experience, is that, emotionally, they are children.  They have adult bodies, adult jobs, and some even have offspring (my ex had a son), but emotionally they are children.  That means I thought I was in love with a child (in and adult way) and thought a child loved me (in and adult way).

My ex and I, while neither of us live there now, are from the same town and went to the same elementary school.  I'm at my parents' this weekend so I pulled out my 7th grade yearbook.  My ex was in 2nd grade then.   I used my phone to take a photo of her 2nd grade yearbook portrait.

That's who I thought I was in love with. Emotionally, she never progressed beyond that.  She looks very cute and, in fact, lovable.  But I would never try to have an adult relationship with the little girl in that picture.  I feel like (at least the way I'm feeling today) this may help me with detachment.

[sunrising]

I thought of something this morning that I think may help me.  I'm starting it today, will try it for a few days, and post back with my results.

One of the concepts about a pwBPD which has stuck with me the most, and with which I most identified from my experience, is that, emotionally, they are children.  They have adult bodies, adult jobs, and some even have offspring (my ex had a son), but emotionally they are children.  That means I thought I was in love with a child (in and adult way) and thought a child loved me (in and adult way).

My ex and I, while neither of us live there now, are from the same town and went to the same elementary school.  I'm at my parents' this weekend so I pulled out my 7th grade yearbook.  My ex was in 2nd grade then.   I used my phone to take a photo of her 2nd grade yearbook portrait.

That's who I thought I was in love with. Emotionally, she never progressed beyond that.  She looks very cute and, in fact, lovable.  But I would never try to have an adult relationship with the little girl in that picture.  I feel like (at least the way I'm feeling today) this may help me with detachment.

[Rose Tiger]

To really blow your mind, we too had to be emotionally immature to hook up with another emotionally immature person.  Recovery often involves reparenting ourselves to grow in emotional maturity.  I have a pic of me as a little girl, I bought a very expensive frame for it, I look at it and think, dang I was cute, so lovable.     It's a part of acceptance and learning hey, we are pretty lovable folks.

[sunrising]

To really blow your mind, we too had to be emotionally immature to hook up with another emotionally immature person.  Recovery often involves reparenting ourselves to grow in emotional maturity. 

You are exactly right.   I'm trying to get to a place where I consider my role instead of her's.  For now, I still have some detaching to do.  It will be interesting to see if this photo of her as a child makes me think of her as an emotional child or simply reminds me of her, in general. 

[Rose Tiger]

I have a pic of ex where he is two or three.  Just cute as a bug.  I think about the hell he was living, so small and defenseless.  My heart breaks for both of us.

[real lady]

That's who I thought I was in love with. Emotionally, she never progressed beyond that.  She looks very cute and, in fact, lovable.  But I would never try to have an adult relationship with the little girl in that picture.  I feel like (at least the way I'm feeling today) this may help me with detachment.

Hi sunrising... .  I think that's a great "visual" for us who love a pwBPD... .  we NEED to realize that they "never grew up" instead of fantasizing them into adulthood... .  they are emotionally children... .  I agree... .  hope this works well for you, I will try as well... .  thanks for the suggestion. Let us know how it is working for you... .  I imagine that it will "do the trick".

[trevjim]

My ex current boyfriend is someone she has dated twice now, however they knew each other when they were toddlers. she even put a picture up of them two at about 3-4 years old.

It made me wonder if the reason she keeps going back to this guy, is because the 'child' in her relates in someway to when they where friends as children.