Cant cope anymore

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I feel im at breaking point. Ive been hurt too many times now, and let down by so many people that are meant to be friends, lovers, or family.

my dream in life is to fall in love, get married, have children. I seem so many couples and familys. ive given up on that dream now, this last break up got me so close, and left me in my darkest place ive ever been. I cant take it anymore.

[trevjim]

I feel im at breaking point. Ive been hurt too many times now, and let down by so many people that are meant to be friends, lovers, or family.

my dream in life is to fall in love, get married, have children. I seem so many couples and familys. ive given up on that dream now, this last break up got me so close, and left me in my darkest place ive ever been. I cant take it anymore.

[mango_flower]

Trevjim - I hear you.

I have heard it said that a breakup with a BPDex is 100 times more painful and confusing than a regular breakup.  So many unanswered questions, so much pain and confusion.

The thing that helps me is to do a couple of things:

a) Imagine raising a child with your ex.  Imagine having to take more responsibility than your 50% share as you're also emotionally caretaking her too.  Hard work.

b) Imagine now, being with your perfect partner.  Somebody who is your best friend too, who you can laugh with, not walk on eggshells, not worry about what mood they will be in when you get home.  Imagine having great days out, laughing, making great memories and at the end of the day being able to rely on that person as your equal.

You're a guy.  And not being sexist, but you don't have as much of a time limit on the having kids thing as us females!  You WILL find somebody.  It's going to take time to heal but it'll be so worth it.

Read here about the horror stories of the worst cases, it does help make you realise that you deserve better xxx

[Discarded26]

I feel im at breaking point. Ive been hurt too many times now, and let down by so many people that are meant to be friends, lovers, or family.

my dream in life is to fall in love, get married, have children. I seem so many couples and familys. ive given up on that dream now, this last break up got me so close, and left me in my darkest place ive ever been. I cant take it anymore.

Don't worry it's normal. I have been feeling the same this week

Not so much wanting the kids aspect, but I was feeling into maybe the marriage. Hey he said it enough times 

But there we go, it's what they said, their fantasy, but when it came to it. I meant nothing

It takes time and alot of thinking (driving me mad to) But I want to let go. He fed me a fantasy and I soo wanted to believe it. But it was just that. A fantasy

I've been upset all week, but yesterday and today, still upset. But how much longer can I punish myself? I wasn't good enough? He never really loved me? Was it just revenge from all them years ago? I'll never know

But the only thing we do know. Is it's ABOUT US now. Not them. We must heal, they will never be truly happy. But we can be. And in a nasty way. I'm glad he will never truly be happy

[tailspin]

trev,

Sometimes we allow our feelings to define who we are and I think you are doing this right now.  Our character is not defined by our failures, rather how we react to these failures.  You have a wonderful opportunity to rechart your course to happiness without making your happiness conditional upon what happens to you. 

You are in a dark place right now for a reason.  Now is your opportunity to find the light within you and never give anyone the power to stop that light from shining.  You have everything you need right now to do this.  The choice is yours.

tailspin

[HarmKrakow]

I feel im at breaking point. Ive been hurt too many times now, and let down by so many people that are meant to be friends, lovers, or family.

my dream in life is to fall in love, get married, have children. I seem so many couples and familys. ive given up on that dream now, this last break up got me so close, and left me in my darkest place ive ever been. I cant take it anymore.

I'm also 25.

First of all, I know your feeling. I was in between finalizing studies and going full time work when I met my ex BPD gf. I fell heaps over all in love, completely. And after a while, I knew this was the one, i've dated before, i've had long term relationships before. She told me she wanted to get married this summer, she told me she wanted to be the mother of my kids, and I was like. F*ck yeah! I found my girl. I finally had everything settled in life, everything. Life was awesome. The intensity and passion within the relationship was from a different level. It brings me goosebumps (and emotions) when I write this. Although I ignored a 243x red flags from moment zero, I couldn't be bothered. I had work, I had an awesome prospect, I had friends and I had the women of my life. The fact that she came on so strong from the beginning and was the one starting about having kids, having a family and married was a an eye opener for me. I gave her my everything, from passionate love to help wherever. I never swore at her, I never hit her, i've never let her drop. I've given her my everything.

Now when the idealization phase ended and the devaluation phase started I hit rock bottom, literally. Friends were gone, money issues, self confidence completely stripped away. Feeling you don't recognize yourself in the mirror anymore. And you feel disgusted to yourself and from the moment everything went mayhem you start questioning yourself ...

what the      did I do wrong? I never gave so much, and ended with SO little. I'm emotionally stripped from my identity, I don't feel power to continue another day. It wasn't my dream to marry and have kids and raise a family because I believe you need to be stable in order to do so, and at the moment I don't have that stability anymore. I feel so much pain that it makes me numb. Paralyzed. I don't care anymore. I sit in a train/bus almost 5 days a week, watching numb out of the window. I don't speak to almost anyone anymore. I can easily go without talking to anyone for days. And no, 'not easily' because it ~ing hurts but purely because I don't have anyone to talk to.

When at work, I hear a emotional song or something else happens or they talk about couples or I see couples I crash down and go away to the toilet and ran down in tears. I've been crying at my boss his office atleast a few times last week that every little thing triggers me.

And I still consider my ex BPD gf as the one, my soulmate, my one and only life time partner, the one to be and the one i've been searching for. I've never felt such a connection with anyone in life and i've had my fair share of r/s before this one. I was on the highs of my life, and now I feel so stripped of everything, that I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow.

I do go to two shrinks from time to time and yes, I do hear awfull stuff, she was in this relationship with different perspectives than you and unfortunately, collision was bound to happen, it was merely the question what would trigger it? I need to worry that I don't slip in a burn-out and a depression because I simply don't care about life anymore. I don't care, I don't feel that     ing passion, that fire I've had for years and years and yeaars. That inner sense of wanting to do something, it's gone.

And still, every night ...

knowing my ex BPD gf goes to bed I tell myself, she is the one...

So yeah, breaking point ... why continue? Honestly? Detachment from a BPD r/s has nothing to do with 'detachment from love within a normal r/s'. This goes so much further.

[trevjim]

I feel im at breaking point. Ive been hurt too many times now, and let down by so many people that are meant to be friends, lovers, or family.

my dream in life is to fall in love, get married, have children. I seem so many couples and familys. ive given up on that dream now, this last break up got me so close, and left me in my darkest place ive ever been. I cant take it anymore.

I'm also 25.

First of all, I know your feeling. I was in between finalizing studies and going full time work when I met my ex BPD gf. I fell heaps over all in love, completely. And after a while, I knew this was the one, i've dated before, i've had long term relationships before. She told me she wanted to get married this summer, she told me she wanted to be the mother of my kids, and I was like. F*ck yeah! I found my girl. I finally had everything settled in life, everything. Life was awesome. The intensity and passion within the relationship was from a different level. It brings me goosebumps (and emotions) when I write this. Although I ignored a 243x red flags from moment zero, I couldn't be bothered. I had work, I had an awesome prospect, I had friends and I had the women of my life. The fact that she came on so strong from the beginning and was the one starting about having kids, having a family and married was a an eye opener for me. I gave her my everything, from passionate love to help wherever. I never swore at her, I never hit her, i've never let her drop. I've given her my everything.

Now when the idealization phase ended and the devaluation phase started I hit rock bottom, literally. Friends were gone, money issues, self confidence completely stripped away. Feeling you don't recognize yourself in the mirror anymore. And you feel disgusted to yourself and from the moment everything went mayhem you start questioning yourself ...

what the      did I do wrong? I never gave so much, and ended with SO little. I'm emotionally stripped from my identity, I don't feel power to continue another day. It wasn't my dream to marry and have kids and raise a family because I believe you need to be stable in order to do so, and at the moment I don't have that stability anymore. I feel so much pain that it makes me numb. Paralyzed. I don't care anymore. I sit in a train/bus almost 5 days a week, watching numb out of the window. I don't speak to almost anyone anymore. I can easily go without talking to anyone for days. And no, 'not easily' because it ing hurts but purely because I don't have anyone to talk to.

When at work, I hear a emotional song or something else happens or they talk about couples or I see couples I crash down and go away to the toilet and ran down in tears. I've been crying at my boss his office atleast a few times last week that every little thing triggers me.

And I still consider my ex BPD gf as the one, my soulmate, my one and only life time partner, the one to be and the one i've been searching for. I've never felt such a connection with anyone in life and i've had my fair share of r/s before this one. I was on the highs of my life, and now I feel so stripped of everything, that I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow.

I do go to two shrinks from time to time and yes, I do hear awfull stuff, she was in this relationship with different perspectives than you and unfortunately, collision was bound to happen, it was merely the question what would trigger it? I need to worry that I don't slip in a burn-out and a depression because I simply don't care about life anymore. I don't care, I don't feel that     ing passion, that fire I've had for years and years and yeaars. That inner sense of wanting to do something, it's gone.

And still, every night ...

knowing my ex BPD gf goes to bed I tell myself, she is the one...

So yeah, breaking point ... why continue? Honestly? Detachment from a BPD r/s has nothing to do with 'detachment from love within a normal r/s'. This goes so much further.

This is me all over. I can't get over the fact that she was the one, even though I know she wasn't. My head tells me one thing, but my heart is so overpowering. I still love her yet I depsise her too. People ask my why is a relaitonshio so important to me? Well the two happiest times of my life have been with the two woman I've had serious relationships with.

[HarmKrakow]

I feel im at breaking point. Ive been hurt too many times now, and let down by so many people that are meant to be friends, lovers, or family.

my dream in life is to fall in love, get married, have children. I seem so many couples and familys. ive given up on that dream now, this last break up got me so close, and left me in my darkest place ive ever been. I cant take it anymore.

I'm also 25.

First of all, I know your feeling. I was in between finalizing studies and going full time work when I met my ex BPD gf. I fell heaps over all in love, completely. And after a while, I knew this was the one, i've dated before, i've had long term relationships before. She told me she wanted to get married this summer, she told me she wanted to be the mother of my kids, and I was like. F*ck yeah! I found my girl. I finally had everything settled in life, everything. Life was awesome. The intensity and passion within the relationship was from a different level. It brings me goosebumps (and emotions) when I write this. Although I ignored a 243x red flags from moment zero, I couldn't be bothered. I had work, I had an awesome prospect, I had friends and I had the women of my life. The fact that she came on so strong from the beginning and was the one starting about having kids, having a family and married was a an eye opener for me. I gave her my everything, from passionate love to help wherever. I never swore at her, I never hit her, i've never let her drop. I've given her my everything.

Now when the idealization phase ended and the devaluation phase started I hit rock bottom, literally. Friends were gone, money issues, self confidence completely stripped away. Feeling you don't recognize yourself in the mirror anymore. And you feel disgusted to yourself and from the moment everything went mayhem you start questioning yourself ...

what the      did I do wrong? I never gave so much, and ended with SO little. I'm emotionally stripped from my identity, I don't feel power to continue another day. It wasn't my dream to marry and have kids and raise a family because I believe you need to be stable in order to do so, and at the moment I don't have that stability anymore. I feel so much pain that it makes me numb. Paralyzed. I don't care anymore. I sit in a train/bus almost 5 days a week, watching numb out of the window. I don't speak to almost anyone anymore. I can easily go without talking to anyone for days. And no, 'not easily' because it ing hurts but purely because I don't have anyone to talk to.

When at work, I hear a emotional song or something else happens or they talk about couples or I see couples I crash down and go away to the toilet and ran down in tears. I've been crying at my boss his office atleast a few times last week that every little thing triggers me.

And I still consider my ex BPD gf as the one, my soulmate, my one and only life time partner, the one to be and the one i've been searching for. I've never felt such a connection with anyone in life and i've had my fair share of r/s before this one. I was on the highs of my life, and now I feel so stripped of everything, that I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow.

I do go to two shrinks from time to time and yes, I do hear awfull stuff, she was in this relationship with different perspectives than you and unfortunately, collision was bound to happen, it was merely the question what would trigger it? I need to worry that I don't slip in a burn-out and a depression because I simply don't care about life anymore. I don't care, I don't feel that     ing passion, that fire I've had for years and years and yeaars. That inner sense of wanting to do something, it's gone.

And still, every night ...

knowing my ex BPD gf goes to bed I tell myself, she is the one...

So yeah, breaking point ... why continue? Honestly? Detachment from a BPD r/s has nothing to do with 'detachment from love within a normal r/s'. This goes so much further.

This is me all over. I can't get over the fact that she was the one, even though I know she wasn't. My head tells me one thing, but my heart is so overpowering. I still love her yet I depsise her too. People ask my why is a relaitonshio so important to me? Well the two happiest times of my life have been with the two woman I've had serious relationships with.

You had a BPD r/s before this one as well?

[trevjim]

I feel im at breaking point. Ive been hurt too many times now, and let down by so many people that are meant to be friends, lovers, or family.

my dream in life is to fall in love, get married, have children. I seem so many couples and familys. ive given up on that dream now, this last break up got me so close, and left me in my darkest place ive ever been. I cant take it anymore.

I'm also 25.

First of all, I know your feeling. I was in between finalizing studies and going full time work when I met my ex BPD gf. I fell heaps over all in love, completely. And after a while, I knew this was the one, i've dated before, i've had long term relationships before. She told me she wanted to get married this summer, she told me she wanted to be the mother of my kids, and I was like. F*ck yeah! I found my girl. I finally had everything settled in life, everything. Life was awesome. The intensity and passion within the relationship was from a different level. It brings me goosebumps (and emotions) when I write this. Although I ignored a 243x red flags from moment zero, I couldn't be bothered. I had work, I had an awesome prospect, I had friends and I had the women of my life. The fact that she came on so strong from the beginning and was the one starting about having kids, having a family and married was a an eye opener for me. I gave her my everything, from passionate love to help wherever. I never swore at her, I never hit her, i've never let her drop. I've given her my everything.

Now when the idealization phase ended and the devaluation phase started I hit rock bottom, literally. Friends were gone, money issues, self confidence completely stripped away. Feeling you don't recognize yourself in the mirror anymore. And you feel disgusted to yourself and from the moment everything went mayhem you start questioning yourself ...

what the      did I do wrong? I never gave so much, and ended with SO little. I'm emotionally stripped from my identity, I don't feel power to continue another day. It wasn't my dream to marry and have kids and raise a family because I believe you need to be stable in order to do so, and at the moment I don't have that stability anymore. I feel so much pain that it makes me numb. Paralyzed. I don't care anymore. I sit in a train/bus almost 5 days a week, watching numb out of the window. I don't speak to almost anyone anymore. I can easily go without talking to anyone for days. And no, 'not easily' because it ing hurts but purely because I don't have anyone to talk to.

When at work, I hear a emotional song or something else happens or they talk about couples or I see couples I crash down and go away to the toilet and ran down in tears. I've been crying at my boss his office atleast a few times last week that every little thing triggers me.

And I still consider my ex BPD gf as the one, my soulmate, my one and only life time partner, the one to be and the one i've been searching for. I've never felt such a connection with anyone in life and i've had my fair share of r/s before this one. I was on the highs of my life, and now I feel so stripped of everything, that I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow.

I do go to two shrinks from time to time and yes, I do hear awfull stuff, she was in this relationship with different perspectives than you and unfortunately, collision was bound to happen, it was merely the question what would trigger it? I need to worry that I don't slip in a burn-out and a depression because I simply don't care about life anymore. I don't care, I don't feel that     ing passion, that fire I've had for years and years and yeaars. That inner sense of wanting to do something, it's gone.

And still, every night ...

knowing my ex BPD gf goes to bed I tell myself, she is the one...

So yeah, breaking point ... why continue? Honestly? Detachment from a BPD r/s has nothing to do with 'detachment from love within a normal r/s'. This goes so much further.

This is me all over. I can't get over the fact that she was the one, even though I know she wasn't. My head tells me one thing, but my heart is so overpowering. I still love her yet I depsise her too. People ask my why is a relaitonshio so important to me? Well the two happiest times of my life have been with the two woman I've had serious relationships with.

You had a BPD r/s before this one as well?

Don't think so, possibly but it was a long time ago. She was my first for a lot of stuff. She left me after a year for a new guy at work, was really tough working with them both. The sad thing is I never truely got over her until my BPDex came along around 2 years later.