I've Been Trying Something New... Being nice

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

  A few days ago, I had an "ah ha" moment when I realized that my anger was the only thing I had left of my ex wife. I was afraid to let go of my anger because I did not want to let go of my wife as I remembered her. I was angry at her for not being the person I thought she was. I was angry at her for leaving me and our family.

   So... .  I decided ( with the help of God) that I would let go of it. I would forgive her for everything. I gave up the No Contact (never worked anyway)and I was just nice to her. We would talk mainly about the kids but it was nice to be nice to her. It felt good. It felt like the right thing to do and I felt good treating her well.

  This weekend, our son had hockey playoffs so it is a busy weekend with lots of games. We have been spending a lot of time together. Today we were together for the whole day. I have to tell you that there was a moment when I was hurt by her. She lied to me about her plans tonight and couldn't hang out with me and our kids because she was going out with her boyfriend ( the one she left for). It was a dagger in my heart when she finally told me the truth. I snapped for a second and said that if she would have treated me half as good as she does her boyfriend, we may still be together. I said that she sucks and went outside to cool off.

  On the way home I called her and apoligized. I told her that I still have a hard time with my emotions and I'm trying to let go. I asked her to stop and eat. She was understanding and excepted even though she had plans. It was a very nice lunch and it was nice to be nice again.

  Later this evening, my son called his mom and asked if he could sleep at her house (he said he missed her). I was surprised and delighted that she accepted. She dropped her boyfriend and came over to pick him up. Now here is where it gets me. We agree to hang out at her place and the three of us played cards. We laughed and had fun. But, as I was leaving, I suddenly realized that it's over. She is not the same person I thought she was. She's gone. She's not coming back and she is no longer the woman I fell in love with. She's just who she is. A scared person who wants what we all want. She just wants to feel loved.

  Soo... .  I loved her. I treated her as I would like to be treated. And it felt good.


   

[hellnback]

  A few days ago, I had an "ah ha" moment when I realized that my anger was the only thing I had left of my ex wife. I was afraid to let go of my anger because I did not want to let go of my wife as I remembered her. I was angry at her for not being the person I thought she was. I was angry at her for leaving me and our family.

   So... .  I decided ( with the help of God) that I would let go of it. I would forgive her for everything. I gave up the No Contact (never worked anyway)and I was just nice to her. We would talk mainly about the kids but it was nice to be nice to her. It felt good. It felt like the right thing to do and I felt good treating her well.

  This weekend, our son had hockey playoffs so it is a busy weekend with lots of games. We have been spending a lot of time together. Today we were together for the whole day. I have to tell you that there was a moment when I was hurt by her. She lied to me about her plans tonight and couldn't hang out with me and our kids because she was going out with her boyfriend ( the one she left for). It was a dagger in my heart when she finally told me the truth. I snapped for a second and said that if she would have treated me half as good as she does her boyfriend, we may still be together. I said that she sucks and went outside to cool off.

  On the way home I called her and apoligized. I told her that I still have a hard time with my emotions and I'm trying to let go. I asked her to stop and eat. She was understanding and excepted even though she had plans. It was a very nice lunch and it was nice to be nice again.

  Later this evening, my son called his mom and asked if he could sleep at her house (he said he missed her). I was surprised and delighted that she accepted. She dropped her boyfriend and came over to pick him up. Now here is where it gets me. We agree to hang out at her place and the three of us played cards. We laughed and had fun. But, as I was leaving, I suddenly realized that it's over. She is not the same person I thought she was. She's gone. She's not coming back and she is no longer the woman I fell in love with. She's just who she is. A scared person who wants what we all want. She just wants to feel loved.

  Soo... .  I loved her. I treated her as I would like to be treated. And it felt good.


   

[GreenMango]

 

[Surnia]

Very insightful, hellnback.

I love this sentence:

Soo... .  I loved her. I treated her as I would like to be treated. And it felt good.

[sad but wiser]

The love of the Christ can love where we cannot. Good job.

[trevjim]

Great news! I too had this, after weeks of hostility and harsh words, we met up again to discuss some bills etc. she came out to my car whilst her boyfriend was inside looking after her son.

She got in and straight away started going off. I said "look 'name', for once can we please talk this through instead of arguing as we are getting no where" and she agreed. We had a great chat, we sorted out the bills in a civil way, and chatted about all sorts of things and had a good catch up. she told me I will find someone one day and apologised about how fast she moved on.

Now i dont know if there are motives behind the apologise etc, but the fact is that was 7 weeks ago and ive been N/C since, and im happy i left it on good terms.