As many probably remember from my case...

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hello all,

As many probably remember from my case, the court in Michigan did such a notoriously bad job, that my net worth went from $540,000 to below zero. Even though exBPDw had threatened to kill me, purchased guns, and admitted these things, the court continued to give her her wildest dream come true. This included lifetime alimony (so high that I was unable to take care of my son who was finishing high school).

Then the Michigan court further complicated matters, by evicting exBPDw for vandalizing the marital home, and ordering me to move back into the home, and repair all her vandalism. The stupidity became exponential, because exBPDw filed a complaint to the court saying I was trying to find some way to prevent her from getting her "fair share" of the proceeds from the sale of the marital home.

The court's answer was to place the sale of the home in the control of a "receiver", who just happened to have multiple roles in my case, such as being the "mediator", and also, the supervisor of the court appointed real-estate agency.

The receiver set the asking price of the house at about 30% above fair market value, and refused to change it, from 2006 through 2008. As you may also recall, the company I was working for went bankrupt and I lost my job October 2008. The marital home was foreclosed in 2008.

By then, I was jobless, homeless, and save $135 per month (left over after, exBPDw's health insurance was paid from my pension) without income. By then, my financial situation was worse than desperate. I had bill collectors calling me day and night, not able to support myself or my dependent son, and the court issuing "arrest warrants", wanted posters, and sending letters to all my family members charging me with "child endangerment" for my non-payment of alimony.

I managed to escape all of this, by moving to Texas, filing for divorce in Texas. Michigan had changed exBPDw's case from divorce to "separation", and Texas does not recognize "separation", treating "separated married" as married in the court system.

Because in the financial discovery, it was determined that I had no job, no income, no home, and no means of support that I qualified as a "pauper", and all Texas court fees were waived, allowing me to file for divorce pro-se with no-assets.

Because I had a letter stating that my former company's bankruptcy put my pension in jeopardy, the Texas court excluded the pension as an asset, the judge said if I order a QDRO and the bankruptcy court treats his pension as debt it will become worthless.

The end result, I was completely EXONERATED. The Texas final decree issued in Oct 2009 said exBPDw indemnified me of ALL CLAIMS related to our former marriage.

exBPDw was livid, so she called Michigan, and got the Michigan court to elevate the arrest warrant, even sending the Texas Sheriff to look for me.

Even though the Michigan order of "separation" should have been nullified by the Texas final decree of divorce, I was told Michigan does not recognize Texas' authority to alter the Michigan order.

I went to one of my daughter's home in another state, but then the Sheriff there called my daughter, asking my whereabouts. I went to my sister's house in another state, and the same thing happened. That is when I came to Australia.

The end result of all this? I had a viscious exBPDw taking her guns going on hunting expeditions with me as prey. I had open arrest warrants and Sheriffs looking for me to arrest me, and a lunatic exBPDw seeking to push all this far beyond what US law allowed.

The US State department refused to participate, since the maximum claim of alimony was less than $3,500, from the time of my becoming unemployed until the time of the Texas divorce (which the US State Department does recognize). So I escaped International Extradition attempts.

The levels of stupidity that divorce courts can participate in with a disordered person, are near limitless. I escaped with only the loss of everything I owned. I was told, I was very fortunate I never did any jail time, since exBPDw called the police on me so many times that I was on a first name basis with the Chief of Police. He said, "the only reason you have not done jail time is because we figured out pretty early she was nuts."

She threw herself down a flight of stairs got all bruised up, then said I did it by beating her. My son, explained she had thrown herself down the stairs. She told me her fondest dream was seeing the police handcuff me, put me in the back of a squad car and drive away.

The end result of all this, I have no confidence in divorce courts to do anything, except what they believe to be expedient. That is a factual analysis, since the Texas judge said to me and exBPDw's lawyer, "he is a pauper, he has no assets, we need to settle this case now, because we can't collect any money from him in court fees, and his exBPDw isn't likely to be able to collect any money, so let's get this done."

Since the outcome of my case netted no-one any money, then it was decided in my favor.

In other words, I couldn't win, until no-one could benefit from my loosing.

Cheers,

[Exonerated]

Hello all,

As many probably remember from my case, the court in Michigan did such a notoriously bad job, that my net worth went from $540,000 to below zero. Even though exBPDw had threatened to kill me, purchased guns, and admitted these things, the court continued to give her her wildest dream come true. This included lifetime alimony (so high that I was unable to take care of my son who was finishing high school).

Then the Michigan court further complicated matters, by evicting exBPDw for vandalizing the marital home, and ordering me to move back into the home, and repair all her vandalism. The stupidity became exponential, because exBPDw filed a complaint to the court saying I was trying to find some way to prevent her from getting her "fair share" of the proceeds from the sale of the marital home.

The court's answer was to place the sale of the home in the control of a "receiver", who just happened to have multiple roles in my case, such as being the "mediator", and also, the supervisor of the court appointed real-estate agency.

The receiver set the asking price of the house at about 30% above fair market value, and refused to change it, from 2006 through 2008. As you may also recall, the company I was working for went bankrupt and I lost my job October 2008. The marital home was foreclosed in 2008.

By then, I was jobless, homeless, and save $135 per month (left over after, exBPDw's health insurance was paid from my pension) without income. By then, my financial situation was worse than desperate. I had bill collectors calling me day and night, not able to support myself or my dependent son, and the court issuing "arrest warrants", wanted posters, and sending letters to all my family members charging me with "child endangerment" for my non-payment of alimony.

I managed to escape all of this, by moving to Texas, filing for divorce in Texas. Michigan had changed exBPDw's case from divorce to "separation", and Texas does not recognize "separation", treating "separated married" as married in the court system.

Because in the financial discovery, it was determined that I had no job, no income, no home, and no means of support that I qualified as a "pauper", and all Texas court fees were waived, allowing me to file for divorce pro-se with no-assets.

Because I had a letter stating that my former company's bankruptcy put my pension in jeopardy, the Texas court excluded the pension as an asset, the judge said if I order a QDRO and the bankruptcy court treats his pension as debt it will become worthless.

The end result, I was completely EXONERATED. The Texas final decree issued in Oct 2009 said exBPDw indemnified me of ALL CLAIMS related to our former marriage.

exBPDw was livid, so she called Michigan, and got the Michigan court to elevate the arrest warrant, even sending the Texas Sheriff to look for me.

Even though the Michigan order of "separation" should have been nullified by the Texas final decree of divorce, I was told Michigan does not recognize Texas' authority to alter the Michigan order.

I went to one of my daughter's home in another state, but then the Sheriff there called my daughter, asking my whereabouts. I went to my sister's house in another state, and the same thing happened. That is when I came to Australia.

The end result of all this? I had a viscious exBPDw taking her guns going on hunting expeditions with me as prey. I had open arrest warrants and Sheriffs looking for me to arrest me, and a lunatic exBPDw seeking to push all this far beyond what US law allowed.

The US State department refused to participate, since the maximum claim of alimony was less than $3,500, from the time of my becoming unemployed until the time of the Texas divorce (which the US State Department does recognize). So I escaped International Extradition attempts.

The levels of stupidity that divorce courts can participate in with a disordered person, are near limitless. I escaped with only the loss of everything I owned. I was told, I was very fortunate I never did any jail time, since exBPDw called the police on me so many times that I was on a first name basis with the Chief of Police. He said, "the only reason you have not done jail time is because we figured out pretty early she was nuts."

She threw herself down a flight of stairs got all bruised up, then said I did it by beating her. My son, explained she had thrown herself down the stairs. She told me her fondest dream was seeing the police handcuff me, put me in the back of a squad car and drive away.

The end result of all this, I have no confidence in divorce courts to do anything, except what they believe to be expedient. That is a factual analysis, since the Texas judge said to me and exBPDw's lawyer, "he is a pauper, he has no assets, we need to settle this case now, because we can't collect any money from him in court fees, and his exBPDw isn't likely to be able to collect any money, so let's get this done."

Since the outcome of my case netted no-one any money, then it was decided in my favor.

In other words, I couldn't win, until no-one could benefit from my loosing.

Cheers,

[pallavirajsinghani]

... .  I remember you well, my friend, having shed many a tears alongwith and many a smiles at the little victories you finally started to celebrate.

How are you now?

Are you able to return to US to visit with your children?

Any problem with open warrants etc.?

How is the personal threat level now?  Has your xwife found someone else?

Sending best wishes.

[DreamGirl]

And what ever happened to the cats? 

[tog]

Well, that's beyond useless and into criminal. 

We may be moving to Texas... .  hopefully we won't check out the courts there!

Glad you found some peace. She really is insane.

[Exonerated]

Hello DG, pallavirajsinghani and others,

I'm fine. It is amazing what putting all that stress from being a fugitive behind you accomplishes in your sense of well-being, and your outlook on life. Today, I have a bright outlook, am happy, and almost unbelievably NOT BITTER about all that happened.

Does this mean I have changed my viewpoint about the court's stupidity?

Not really, it means I see the courts motivations as revolving around money. If the court doesn't criminalize the person with money, then how can they justify taking it all away?

I'll recover nonetheless, with a simpler, happier, and much less stressful way of life.

About the only real caution is plugging all the information leaks exBPDw was using to find out my plans. Mainly, she would pick the minds of our adult children, so for security (I don't really want to practice my bullet dodging skills) I just go to the area where they are, get a hotel, call them and arrange for a visit somewhere away from their homes.

Cheers,

Exonerated

[Catsmother]

To exonerated, all I can say is wow. What a story.

And welcome to you and Rose, to the great land down under. There are a few around the ridges, maybe not on this forum (and who maybe should be) who have suffered, maybe not quite so badly, but close to it here in Oz. I know of one chap who is on the verge of bankruptcy due to settlement. He ended up in the negative, as in his ex got over 100% of the assets.

Glad you made it safely here

[Exonerated]

hello catsmother,

My wife is an Australian Citizen, I met her on this board about 11 years ago. She helped me with my accounting and budgetary legal documents. I have permanent residency in Australia and my exBPDw doesn't have a passport.

Cheers,

EXONERATED 

[GaGrl]

It's so good to hear that you are doing well, Exonerated!

[Exonerated]

Learning about BPD and the process of using what we learn to grow, takes time. My username only shows my posts, since I got this username Exonerated. Unfortunately, my exBPDw had professional help, breaking into my computer then printing out every post I made.

I kept deleting my username and creating a new one.

Eventually, with the current webserver it became possible to change usernames, without deleting the old username and loosing the history.

The reason I mention this is I met my wife Rose1 on this board 11 years ago. Maybe I'm a slow learner, but what a learning process I've been through. I was born in 1949. I'm a baby-boomer. For those unfamiliar, baby boomers were raised by parents who grew up in the Great Depression. There were a lot of subjects that were taboo, for example mental-illness. It was there nonetheless, my mother had a younger sister who was concussed in an automobile accident. She physically developed as an adult, but never got past the age of 12 intellectually. My aunt had a really mean streak, and used to do really mean things to my siblings and myself, but my mother would never believe me.

It is very fortunate that my aunt was crippled, because it meant I could out run her when she chased me with an axe, swinging it at me, and nothing ever got chopped off me.

I mention this because my experience with exBPDw proved similar.

Cheers,

[livednlearned]

The reason I ask is because when you post inflammatory scary things for others who are knee deep in an already scary and stressful event, it doesn't help them to center their emotions and think in a rational way.  And if I was reading your story right now looking at the contradictions between your posts, the threat level and your actions I might be inclined to question whether your choices are promoting safety or wise, considering the circumstances as you've described them that is.

I'm not really sure what's going on here, so maybe this is only going to make things more confusing. Am I missing some backstory? I figured exonerated felt far away enough from the courts to share what he went through, and don't see that he's being reckless with his safety?

I can completely identify with being afraid, and at the same time, the competing desire to live some semblance of a normal life. And making mistakes, or overlooking some safety issues in order to meet other basic needs. It is exhausting to be vigilant. I'm afraid of my N/BPDxh, and have spent more time than I care to admit trying to second guess what N/BPDx will do, including whether he will physically harm me, my son, or the PC involved in my case. He owns guns. He has had his nose broken 4 times. He drinks to excess and shows no intention of giving up. He regularly sends threatening emails and shows very little regard for the court's authority. I try to alter my routine every day, but that takes a huge amount of planning and effort. This kind of behavior seems (sadly) to be relatively normal for the BPD sufferers that members here are trying to divorce.

I post here because the emotional relief of connecting with others like me inches out the fears I have of N/BPDxh by a hair. It's a risk I feel willing to take. Maybe it's the same for exonerated?

[tog]

Sometimes there aren't any solutions other than the extreme ones that we are forced into by the disordered person's behavior. While I think people should try the moderate ones first, there are pwBPD (or more likely NPD) who will be relentless in destroying the life of their targeted ex-spouse. Exonerated is an extreme example of that behavior but it exists on a spectrum as does the coping ability/tolerance of all of us.

I'm grateful the pwN/BPD in my life isn't quite that extreme, but I do feel we have exhausted most of the moderate options (settling for compromise positions that slowly get whittled into us losing more and more money and time) and certainly have exhausted our ability to cope and tolerate.

Not all pwBPD are alike. Some seem to fight a bit and then accept they have to share custody even if they continue to be challenging; others (who seem to have strong N traits, IMO) are willing to fight relentlessly to the point where it becomes impossible to be moderate and reasonable anymore lest you be destroyed financially, emotionally and physically.

JMHO. I appreciate his story. It made me grateful people understand that sometimes drastic measures are required and it's not always solvable any other way.

[Rose Tiger]

   Just dipping my toe in this creek to say, you have a hella good oscar worthy life experience story.  I'd go to see this on the big screen and if you made a brazillian dollars on selling the screenplay... .    Oh, and she sounds more Sociopathic than BPD!

Back to topic.

[At Bay]

Exonerated,

Very valuable information, and I thank you for it. I'm so glad that I checked out this board today and saw your and Rose1's posts. You have always been so supportive.

All the best to both of you,

At Bay

[livednlearned]

Exonerated,

Very valuable information, and I thank you for it. I'm so glad that I checked out this board today and saw your and Rose1's posts. You have always been so supportive.

All the best to both of you,

At Bay

If this post was initially somewhere else on bpdfamily.com, maybe the content seems scary and inflammatory? But on the Family law board, it didn't even make me bat an eye.

[Rose1]

Just dipping my toe in this creek to say, you have a hella good oscar worthy life experience story.  I'd go to see this on the big screen and if you made a brazillian dollars on selling the screenplay... .  wink  Oh, and she sounds more Sociopathic than BPD!

Hi Rose Tiger - if in fact someone did make a screenplay based on this everyone would say "I wonder where Hollywood gets this stuff they make up?" and wouldn't believe it 

There is obviously a lot more to this than ever posted. She was diagnosed as psychopath, paranoid schizophrenia and BPD plus other stuff - quite a mix. The reasons for her being like that are horrendous and not suitable for posting. Her childhood was the kind of thing that Mary Higgins Clark writes about or worse - the kind of thing that makes kids develop mpd and that is likely one of her diagnoses.  Exonerated didn't diagnose her. He was told by an Ann Arbor specialist in BPD that she was dangerous and to take very good notice of her threats and believe them. He didn't at first of course - who does? But came to appreciate that it was a good idea to take notice of the advice.

These people exist - someone ends up married to them. While we both feel horror and sympathy for a truly crappy childhood, that doesn't mean we want to participate, nor should it. Nor do we want future generations dragged back into that scenario. Things are bad enough as they are and someone has to stop the abuse chain that is common in the kind of families that she grew up in.

Making assumptions about what another person has gone through and telling them how they should be feeling, based on 5 minutes of knowledge is flawed as many of us who have gone through enough know. I think the main emotion from anyone on this board seeing this (and by the way there are plenty of horror stories out there - DoubleAries comes to mind) is empathy rather than fear and a good healthy dose of "thank goodness that wasn't me".

[GaGrl]

So true so true... .  most of you know that my mantra has been " I couldn't make this #$% up if I tried. No one would believe it."

As to the aspect of danger... .  my DH's ex has been arrested for bashing in the windshield of a boyfriend's car with a tire iron (that required a peace bond) this while DH was posted in Europe, she's spent a night in jail after being arrested for firing her handgun at another bf, we're aware of several other unreported incidents with the gun, and DH recently talked through an incident with her current live-in when she discovered his cheating (ironic no?). Fortunately DH holds pedestal status and was never attacked... .  just devalued.

[Exonerated]

The documented facts are much worse than posted here. I intentionally left out a lot of things because they are the subjects horror movies are made from. This is the much simplified, shortened version, since the events described here happened from 1994 through 2009. Any perceived incongruities are just that perceived, possibly because of information which I omitted for the above reason.

[GreenMango]

Exonerated,

I want to apologize for the tone of my posts above.  As I read them, they are not in keeping with the tone and respect expected in this community and I apologize.  I will remove them or leave them with a strikethrough for others to see my inappropriate tone - you may decide.

Your story is a very difficult one.  I respect all that you have been through and I'm glad you are here to report how you have recovered your life.

I do want to rephrase my concerns, but to do it in a constructive manner.  I think we all agree that as seniors we want to present to newer members the most balanced and realistic perspectives possible so that they can make wise decisions.  We don't want scare them or to present extreme cases as the norm as that might panic them or defeat them.

For example, in 2009 you described an encounter with you ex-wifes psychiatrist this way:

her psychiatrist told me, "we are looking at multiple diagnosis, with the absolute minimum of BPD. I [exonerated] presume, things like BPD, NPD, schizophrenia, but I can't say until diagnosis."

This week you described this encounter with you ex-wifes psychiatrist in much stronger terms:

My exBPDw according to her psychiatrist "will eventually decide to kill you."  He said she has BPD, NPD, schizophrenia, pathological behavior, and all these are axis three mental illnesses.

My ex-wife's psychiatrist said, "I'm not trying to scare you, but for example suppose she was hiding behind a bush in your front yard and when you arrived home she suddenly stood up and shot you?"

He explained, there is no way to protect yourself against a psychopathic killer who has decided to kill you. He said, your only choice is to remove yourself from her gun's reach.

My ex-wife had BPD but also schizophrenia, and psychopathic symptoms. Her psychiatrist said, people like this include Betty Broderick, Ted Kaczynski and others. He said, these people can do a grisly murder and go sit down and enjoy a good meal.

Possibly the same thing with this statement made in 2006

I have good reasons to believe she has acquired a gun. She isn't a hunter. There have been many cloaked threats, carefully worded so that she can always claim it was a joke, but I am sufficiently intimidated.

which is now showing in 3 postings in the last few weeks like this:

It isn't my intention to try to scare you, but I left the USA, and live in Australia in retirement, because my exBPDw announced she was going to kill me, took gun training, bought guns, and began hunting expeditions with me as prey.

There are no mentions of her schizophrenia or the "hunting you like prey" in 8 years of posting.

So I understand telling fish stories in a thread like this.  We do that sometimes.  My question is do we want to posting material like this in newbie threads, L2-L5, and workshops?

Shouldn't we all be more careful in our posting?

[Rose1]

Green Mango - an apology is a good thing and much appreciated. However it would have been better to leave it as it was without the justification. I am still not happy with your tone. No one over a 10 year period is expected to exactly repeat everything and detail everything the same every time. I believe you still don't understand that. Things change, things progress - what was the case 8in 2008 is not the same as it was in 2009 nor what it is now.

So I understand telling fish stories in a thread like this.  We do that sometimes.  My question is do we want to posting material like this in newbie threads, L2-L5, and workshops?

This is offensive and rude. You are saying that because you don't understand and because you weren't there that of course Exonerated is lying. That breaches all the conditions of the board. Personally I'd prefer if you no longer post or comment on either my posts or my husband's. We accept your apology.

[tog]

Yeah, I don't get it.

What I see in Exonerated's post in an extreme example of disordered behavior on his ex's part. I also see someone who tried to use the appropriate channels in TWO states to get this resolved in a fair and reasonable manner and finally had to flee the country to protect his life and sanity.

At times on here I feel like I'm being told that if my situation is bad I'm just not trying hard enough. "Try this, try that! You're approaching it wrong!" My SO and I have tried very hard through numerous therapists and court appearances and changing our own behavior, to no avail. It's well-documented by many authors that the court system as it currently exists favors disordered behavior and extreme solutions. It's also documented that many mental health professionals are swayed and convinced by the distortions of disordered people.  Sometimes the system fails us by enabling the disordered person and Exonerated's situation is a clear example of that.

I feel validated by his story and validation is what we all need when the entire world thinks the disordered person is the normal one and we are the crazy ones. Isn't that why we come here?

I'm confused as to how I was publicly chastised for a perceived "tone" in my thread, and yet moderators are allowed to openly call other posters liars?

[Rose1]

Hi Tog.

I have thought for some time now that the court bias seems less and less male/female and more sane/insane. My reason for this is I have watched nons time after time get a raw deal by the courts - male and female. It's the disordered person who seems to get the breaks.

One of our posters (female) lived in Michigan and I really thought she would get a good deal since the courts there are stated female biased. Well the court DH dealt with - by that I mean being told the law states that if the wife asks she gets. Apparently an archaic law dating back to the time women were not able to work or hold assets.

However this poor lady got nothing of the kind and ended up facing bankruptcy while her BPDh pretended he had no income.

We have a friend - not on the board, also in Michigan whose exw has become a crack addict and prostitute. A no brainer you would think. He has custody of the kids. However he has to pay her alimony and cannot afford to take care of his kids, some of whom live with family. He sees no end to his situation.

When we look around us at the legal board I see as many women as men having serious issues - nowheretogo is going to be paying her exh of short duration significant money because he refuses to work. On the other hand FD has custody - quite an achievement but is obliged to pay his disordered ex child support so she becomes more stable.

I really don't get it - seems we are funding some sort of giant charity, and I say we because DH's funds are gone, mine went with my divorce and we are renting at age 60.  We're doing great emotionally but on a tight budget. I really feel sorry for people of both sexes who have put up with BPD for many years and then still end up losing everything because the courts entertain court actions that go for years or are wash rinse repeat without sanctions.

Something is really wrong with the system. So getting a little creative or thinking outside the square makes sense to me. I find it significant that DHs court case finished finally on the first day he went to Texas court, after 4 years of temporary orders because he had no money left. It's also interesting that at one point Michigan imposed so many restrictions on him that he literally couldn't scratch without filling in a form in triplicate. He was restricted to the point he could not retire. Well he could if he could find the funds to continue the same level of alimony as before retirement so his exw did not lose her lifestyle. When he asked about his lifestyle the contempt of court threat was again dragged out.

That is why he decided to break the pattern before he ended up in court again to finalise a divorce, which was probably inevitable. The situation with his friend weighed heavily in the decision because once it became final he would have been trapped.

So yes, it's a good news story I think. You know the sort of thing - man prevails against huge odds. Winning doesn't have to be defined by winning a case. Winning can also be defined by living well.

Rose

[ForeverDad]

I have thought for some time now that the court bias seems less and less male/female and more sane/insane. My reason for this is I have watched nons time after time get a raw deal by the courts - male and female. It's the disordered person who seems to get the breaks... .  

When we look around us at the legal board I see as many women as men having serious issues - nowheretogo is going to be paying her exh of short duration significant money because he refuses to work. On the other hand FD has custody - quite an achievement but is obliged to pay his disordered ex child support so she becomes more stable.

I really don't get it - seems we are funding some sort of giant charity, and I say we because DH's funds are gone, mine went with my divorce and we are renting at age 60.  We're doing great emotionally but on a tight budget. I really feel sorry for people of both sexes who have put up with BPD for many years and then still end up losing everything because the courts entertain court actions that go for years or are wash rinse repeat without sanctions.

Something is really wrong with the system. So getting a little creative or thinking outside the square makes sense to me. I find it significant that DHs court case finished finally on the first day he went to Texas court, after 4 years of temporary orders because he had no money left. It's also interesting that at one point Michigan imposed so many restrictions on him that he literally couldn't scratch without filling in a form in triplicate. He was restricted to the point he could not retire. Well he could if he could find the funds to continue the same level of alimony as before retirement so his exw did not lose her lifestyle. When he asked about his lifestyle the contempt of court threat was again dragged out.

That is why he decided to break the pattern before he ended up in court again to finalise a divorce, which was probably inevitable.

I think this is a very good observation.  As in, "You married him/her, you got yourself into this mess, don't expect us to spend much effort to get you out of it, so live with the consequences."

Perhaps too the problem-person issue is combined with the gender issue.  So maybe we have "blended" divorces!

[At Bay]

I agree that's a new definition for apology.

[KateCat]

Green Mango,

Exonerated is a hero-member of this community to a number of us. I don't know if you have access to his entire posting history on the forum. From his full story, over many years, you would learn that he is a man of continuing integrity, humanity and faithfulness. I will always remember him as an example of courage and family values that we all would do well to emulate.

I guess you just gotta take our word for it. 

[Exonerated]

Thanks for your kind words KateCat, I shall always try to live up to that.  

Previously I failed to mention that the Michigan judge, apologized in advance for the blatant unfairness of the judgement, before it pronouncing it in open court.

The reason, a mentally-ill person could become quite a financial burden to the state, if left with 1/2 of your assets, and no further support. In private instructions to judges, we have been told to not permit the mentally-ill to become a financial burden to the state, therefore, I have no choice but to penalize you because you were married to her for so long. The state assumes you have already been supporting her for 37 years, so you should be able to take care of her financial needs and medical insurance for the rest of her life.

So I was expected to pay 40% of my net income, plus over $1,000 per month in medical insurance for a person, so that the financial burden wouldn't fall on the state. Her medical insurance was very expensive, because of psychiatric therapy 1994 through the decree of separation. Unfortunately 40% of net income, plus another $1,000 for medical insurance is a lot more than 1/2 total salary. Plus it left me in a position where I couldn't even afford to rent a small apartment, and was forced to live in my camper trailer. Plus it left me in a position where I couldn't financially take care of my dependent son, who had chosen to live with me. The financial situation I was left in was so severe I struggled valiantly for another two years, until my company went bankrupt and I became unemployed. After unemployment, the house was foreclosed.

I tried desperately to get another job, but I was over 60. I went immediately to a job interview, where over 200 people had applied for 1 job. All 200 were given a written test, because the job was engineering level and highly technical. I had the top score of all applicants.

Then we were told, the second part of the qualification was a practical knowledge test, testing our ability to do a job, considering the technical challenges, as well as the safe way to complete the work. I came out number one on this test also above all other applicants.

I was taken into a private room and told, you have the job, HR has some forms to fill out, but we expect your report date perhaps as early as Monday next week. I think that was about Tuesday, but on Thursday morning, I received a post card which said, "you are no longer being considered for this position".

Companies never admit age was the reason. In filling out the HR forms, I suppose someone noticed I was over 60, otherwise, how could the top score on the written and the practical exams not get the job? My references over a 40 plus year engineering employment history are near impeccable, and show progressive advancement in both position and salary.

From the court's point of view, the actual outcome, me ending up in poverty, homeless, and the court issuing arrest warrants, wanted posters, upping the level of my persecution was OK, since the state was not burdened financially. The judge explained, I find this ruling extremely distasteful since it penalizes you for doing the right thing. In 1994, when you found out about the severity of her mental illness you tried your best to get help for her in keeping with "in sickness and in health". You stayed with her, for the sake of your children, and now that all your children are essentially adults, you have more than done your duty. Therefore I find penalizing you in this way extremely distasteful...

From my perspective, there was no choice at all but to find some way to nullify the separation order, since I couldn't survive, stuck in a dismal 2008 job market with no job, no income, and the virtual certainty to end up in jail. The bail if my arrest occurred was $3500, which would be demanded from my family members (my siblings), who were never married to exBPDw. I asked a court collection official, how I could ever get out of jail, since I had no money, and was told either your siblings pay or you rot in jail.

I found this unacceptable for my siblings (who are near my age also), and if my Texas divorce had not Exonerated me, I was willing to go to another country, or anywhere, since the judgement put me in a completely impossible situation, criminalizing me, leaving me with conviction records (meaning I could never work in engineering again). Engineering professionals are expected to have high ethics. Therefore a conviction record would be deemed (by potential employers) evidence of poor ethics, even under the terrible circumstances my personal situation had placed me in.

I am faithfully yours,

finally and truly,

Exonerated