Craving connection & worried by that

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So I am NC with my ex and happy to stay that way. But it has only been a fortnight since the sorry mess died - with a whimper rather than a bang. Anyway Im concerned that I feel very open to connecting to ppl in a way that may not be healthy. I had a very unexpected conversation yesterday with a man I barely know about relationships etc (he is going through a messy divorce) & the feeling of shared intimacy was quite strong. I guess this is what makes us vulnerable to recycle attempts & I'm very on my guard for that but I'm wondering if others feel a strong need/desire to connect emotionally with someone else when the hurt is still very raw? Luckily this guy lives in another city or else I'm wondering if I might be tempted to try some of the seduction techniques I learned from my ex. I feel like an emotional grenade with the pin out & it's not pleasant!

[Wooddragon]

So I am NC with my ex and happy to stay that way. But it has only been a fortnight since the sorry mess died - with a whimper rather than a bang. Anyway Im concerned that I feel very open to connecting to ppl in a way that may not be healthy. I had a very unexpected conversation yesterday with a man I barely know about relationships etc (he is going through a messy divorce) & the feeling of shared intimacy was quite strong. I guess this is what makes us vulnerable to recycle attempts & I'm very on my guard for that but I'm wondering if others feel a strong need/desire to connect emotionally with someone else when the hurt is still very raw? Luckily this guy lives in another city or else I'm wondering if I might be tempted to try some of the seduction techniques I learned from my ex. I feel like an emotional grenade with the pin out & it's not pleasant!

[maria1]

Hi Wooddragon

I can relate. I'm getting better but I'm further out than you I think. It's hard to know what's healthy connecting and what's unhealthy but at two weeks out maybe you are craving connection to alleviate the raw pain you talk of? And yes I do think it's what can tempt us to recycle.

Have you felt the deep grief yet? Are you running from it?

Can you treat these feelings to connect with another the same way as you would the impulse to break NC? ie. go for a walk, divert yourself with a film/tv/friends/physical exercise?

It seems very positive to me that you can stand back from your behaviour at this point and I'm wondering if PI might help you explore that a little more