What would be the result of a pwBPD dating another person with BPD?

[Themis]

Is this common?

His cheating exes sound like BPD women.

He seemed to both hate them, yet respect them more than me. I am "too nice" and hurt when he pulls away. I have needs of my own.

They kept him on his toes, but they messed him up. I helped him more than hindered--despite my depression-- I helped more than I hindered.

What generally happens?

Do we have BPD traits to even be in this kind of relationship?

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[hithere]

I have seen something similar posted before.

My thoughts are:

-I doubt they would last long, someone with BPD needs a certain type of person that will put up with their making crazy, typically another person with BPD won't.

-If they somehow lasted any length of time it would be a total disaster, non stop fighting I think.

[Themis]

Or one would be doing the silent treatment to a much more needy/attention seeking woman and instead of feeling intense sadness like me she'd be whirling her arms around yelling at him about it or something.

Then when he needs attention she'll be the one going cold and off somewhere.

And the sensitivity---well they'd always be hurting each others feelings. 

[mosaicbird]

It's not pretty.

[benny2]

Thats funny that you mentioned that. I have often thought my pwBPD's ex wife has BPD. From the things that he has told me and what I know, it sure sounds like it. She tried commiting suicide 2 times during the divorce. He told me it was constant fighting, and she would rage the moment he walked in the door. She abuses alchohol to cope. She made up all kinds of things to stall the divorce, she even tried telling him she had cancer, but then admited she made it up. Sure sounds like it to me. The thing that bugs me is, he has had a hard time detaching from her and that has been a great deal of our problem. I know it does'nt help matters that she also is having a hard time detaching from him. I have also heard the comment from him that I am to good. At times I think maybe they like the drama. At times when I was living with him, it seemed like he missed the drama and did things to get me going. It never worked though, it takes alot to get me going. I am a very easy going, calm person. There was one time when he was raging that I actually made myself fight back because I thought that is what he wanted .

[Themis]

Yes. I think lately he has created drama that didn't need to exist.

He does things that will be of irritation or leave me with no answers. Then he leaves the house for hours or overnight.

I have no choice but to call him about it, like a password or something he left I can't use, or he moved.

Then when I call he hangs up or tells the person standing next to him I am harassing him with multiple missed calls (true) because he won't answer his phone.

Then when he comes home I ask about the missed calls he says he didn't hear them. Then he yell at me for causing drama.

To me that is like setting fire to a bee-hive then wondering why the bees some after you! Point at the bees and shout harassment... .  

[Auspicious]

I have no choice but to call him about it, like a password or something he left I can't use, or he moved.

We typically have more choices available than we think that we do - especially if we try to prepare and think ahead. They may not be our preferred or pleasant choices, but they are choices.

To me that is like setting fire to a bee-hive then wondering why the bees some after you! Point at the bees and shout harassment... .  

So, you know that he acts this way. Expecting him to act differently isn't working out too well. What things might you do differently, to minimize the impact on you when he does these things?

[Themis]

I have no choice but to call him about it, like a password or something he left I can't use, or he moved.

We typically have more choices available than we think that we do - especially if we try to prepare and think ahead. They may not be our preferred or pleasant choices, but they are choices.

To me that is like setting fire to a bee-hive then wondering why the bees some after you! Point at the bees and shout harassment... .  

So, you know that he acts this way. Expecting him to act differently isn't working out too well. What things might you do differently, to minimize the impact on you when he does these things?

Could you give me a more clear answer please, all my brain power is shot.

:-( Could you give an example of when someone does something to your stuff you NEED, or even something you want for a weekend and then you need to ask them about it otherwise you can't get anywhere or do what you want.

What do you do then?

Alsdo keeping in mind you are REALLY tired and stressed from other things, you are someone like me that really is exhausted and just wants item X so they can get on with their day.

[Somewhere]

Putting two borderlines together sounds GREAT.

It would put them out of circulation, and only leave them messing with each other. 

Beautiful thing, overall.

As Ann Landers used to say -- Thank Goodness They Found Each Other.

[Auspicious]

Could you give me a more clear answer please, all my brain power is shot.

:-( Could you give an example of when someone does something to your stuff you NEED, or even something you want for a weekend and then you need to ask them about it otherwise you can't get anywhere or do what you want.

What do you do then?

Alsdo keeping in mind you are REALLY tired and stressed from other things, you are someone like me that really is exhausted and just wants item X so they can get on with their day.

I can't come up with the answers for your life.

If he's going to destroy or hide your things, then maybe you won't be able to live with him. Or maybe you will have to lock up essential things, or keep duplicates somewhere.

Maybe you need to separate bank accounts or other things, so you are not so dependent and able to be jerked around.

It's going to depend on the details of your life, and the kind of things he does.

I'm suggesting that you change your perspective and look at what you do have the power to change. You can't change him or what he does.

[Themis]

I was just tired. I wasn't expecting the solution from you. Sorry. Great points.