Smug

[Depression = 72% of members]

I saw him today. He was looking at me. Smug, he had that smug smile on his face that said I know a hundred, no a thousand things about your life that you will never know. And he's right. There are parts of my life that are forever closed to me, hidden by his lies. My life, it was unknowingly taken from me.

How do I feel? I feel bitter, angry, impotent. To steal someone's life. I didn't give it up willingly, I lost it because I believed his deceitful lies.

My hope is that God will restore to me the years that the locust has eaten.

[Cumulus]

I saw him today. He was looking at me. Smug, he had that smug smile on his face that said I know a hundred, no a thousand things about your life that you will never know. And he's right. There are parts of my life that are forever closed to me, hidden by his lies. My life, it was unknowingly taken from me.

How do I feel? I feel bitter, angry, impotent. To steal someone's life. I didn't give it up willingly, I lost it because I believed his deceitful lies.

My hope is that God will restore to me the years that the locust has eaten.

[waitaminute]

Cumulus,

What will you do with those years when they are restored?

I used the same biblical verse after my first marriage... .  which had nothing to do with BPD. But they were lost years nontheless?

My only advice is to expect a miracle. But also ... .  live like the promise in "Isaiah" has been kept.

[Cumulus]

Wonderful question, what will I do with those restored years. I don't know yet waitaminute, but I do know that I will have the wonderful luxury of making that decision based on the truth, and for myself.

Not sure what you meant by living like the promise in Isaiah has been kept? But it is a wonderful promise to have what has been taken, restored.   

[waitaminute]

In my case, God did restore those years. He gave me a wonderful woman who was my wife for 25 years. And we were faithful to each other. Then I encountered a woman with BPD who I was convinced needed me. That led to my wonderful wife divorcing me. My fault. I made a wrong turn and did not "forsake all others" as my vows in front of God and everybody said I would. So, when those years are restored to you, remember where they came from.

[Suzn]

I'm sorry you feel bitter, I get it though. Who are you angry with?

[Cumulus]

Waitaminute, I am so sorry. I will be careful. I am trying to be careful. I don't know where my life will go yet but I know it has changed.

Suzn, I was angry at myself, angry that I had been so stupid, so manipulated, so easily deceived. Letting that go. I remain angry at the deception. At the fact that he carried on our relationship allowing me to believe that he was a  honest and faithful companion, who loved me. For years, many years. I envy so many who post here who talk about their partner leaving. I wish he had. That would have been more honest.