I love his therapist

[Foreverhopefull]

I just had a conversation with his therapist about his last 2 appointments. From his comments, I could hear it wasn't going well.

So I called her to talk about a few things:

1) Get her version of the last appointments.

           He is been disengaged in his therapy... .  for the last few weeks, so she's taking a more stern approach with him. It seems that everything he has done good he hasn't talked about in therapy, his plan to go and do the round of heavy stuff (soft drinks, dog food, etc) when it's pay day, his plan for the weekend to go to a dog park, the fact that this year I didn't have to hire anyone to shovel the snow because he did it himself. He never talked about any of it. I told her that I totally agree with her approach and completely support it.

2) Ask her if he talked about the last few weeks on the home front

     Of course he didn't say anything, I explained to her that his disengaging coincide with the world-wind of bad news and high stress at home. She said that it does explain allot. I told her that I had a conversation with him yesterday about it and explained to him that there is a huge difference between "I started drinking again" and " I started drinking again because of the stress and the bad news I got about people I care about and the worry about how my wife will handle it." She agreed that it's very different and if she would have known, they would have worked through his feelings about it and how he can handle this and even help.

3) Know what I can do to help her therapeutic plan for him.

      We talked about little things like instead of saying " How was your day?" and leave it at that, I could add " What did you do/ are going to do to make it better?"; me not making his calls (like how he needs to reschedule his appointment next week because of conflicting schedules) and making him take charge of his responsibilities. I told her that what I wanted is to remind him of his "homework", therapy plan for the week.

We had a good talk, I did tell her though that I prefer we didn't talk, but it's nice that we can. She laughed and totally agreed. She said that it was nice that I don't ask her to hide our conversation from him and he feels enough confidence in her that he doesn't mind us talking.

We have found a nice balance between what she can tell me, what I ask her (I had made it clear I was not interested in knowing what was said during the sessions), that way I'm included in a way.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[tryingtogetit]

He's in therapy! Good for you!   

[Somewhere]

Not sticking my nose in your business, but how does the ethics work in this?

Seems sort of crossing into confidential areas, no?

But good for you all that he is in therapy, and they are not all playing that saying Borderline is some sort of secret taboo.

[Foreverhopefull]

Somewhere,

He asked her to talk to me last year, he told her that she had permission to full disclosure and put it in writing.

His T and I put some limitations to the disclosure, even if he did give her full disclosure rights. We talk about what is going on (i.e. he's not participating in his therapy, he's accepted in-patient treatment. etc.) or if she's wanting to know more about something he brought up during therapy (i.e. the forms that need to be filled out for his disability benefits, when he talked about his cirrhosis, etc.) or when he goes into a dangerous state.

We talked a maximum of 3 times in the last year (including the call last week), each time it was very helpful for me and it gives me a chance to make sure I keep him on track at home with his "homework". I never ask about what he talked about in his sessions, all I always ask is "What can I do to help you in your therapy plan?", that way I make sure the conversation stays on track. Last week, I did change a bit because of things he told me (like she was going to drop him as a patient). I wanted to make sure I heard right.