Why haven't I cried?

[sunrising]

My exwBPD and I broke up 5 weeks ago. It's been the hardest thing I've ever gone through.  Anger, confusion, guilt, self-doubt... .     You all know.    We broke up twice before and both times I cried (a lot)for several days.   In the past 5 weeks, I've cried 2 times for about 5 seconds.   I know I'm sad. Probably even depressed... .     Why am I not crying? 

[Free One]

My exwBPD and I broke up 5 weeks ago. It's been the hardest thing I've ever gone through.  Anger, confusion, guilt, self-doubt... .     You all know.    We broke up twice before and both times I cried (a lot)for several days.   In the past 5 weeks, I've cried 2 times for about 5 seconds.   I know I'm sad. Probably even depressed... .     Why am I not crying? 

Sometimes I think we hold in as a way of denying. Good for you for recognizing not crying may be not healing. I often have times where I feel like I need to cry, to feel the emotions and deal with them, but I can't. At these times I'll "force" myself to deal by looking at old pictures, watch sad movies, etc. This helps put me in touch with my feelings.

[sunrising]

I often have times where I feel like I need to cry, to feel the emotions and deal with them, but I can't. At these times I'll "force" myself to deal by looking at old pictures, watch sad movies, etc. This helps put me in touch with my feelings.

Great suggestion... .    All the electronic photos of us have been purged, and I put all the prints in a drawer I never open.  I'm thinking maybe I'll block off some time this weekend, grab a box of tissues, and pull them out.  I've been thinking for a few weeks that something isn't right with me not having cried. 

[real lady]

Suppressing grief can be very debilitating... .  getting it "out of your system" sounds like a healthy thing for you... .  wishing you the best with it... .  ACCEPT how you feel (or don't feel) in order to "resolve" your feelings, close that chapter of your life's book and begin writing the next chapter... .  you can do it.

[healingmyheart]

Do you think that since you broke up twice before and got back together that maybe you are still in denial and hope that you may still rebound back? 

I have days where I can't stop crying even in public places and other days I just feel numb.

[sunrising]

Do you think that since you broke up twice before and got back together that maybe you are still in denial and hope that you may still rebound back? 

I have days where I can't stop crying even in public places and other days I just feel numb.

No, I know we're not getting back together.    I'd have to have my wise mind lobotomized for that to happen, now that I know what I do about BPD.   I guess I'm going to have to catalyze a good crying session with some intentional reminiscing. 

[LuckyEscapee]

Not sure that there is any right or wrong.

I cried a hopelessness river during the relationship. After he left with my replacement, the crying fully stopped. I was completely numbed by the relentless hate during being painted black. It could be shock perhaps? Then after a while healthy tears re-emerged. Nowadays I cry most when reading some of the posts  :'(

[Southern_Belle]

In the past I cried. Like you, I'm not feeling the urge to cry now.

It could be exhaustion. You've been through a lot. Maybe what you don't realize is that your psyche is starting to feel a sense of relief. 

[GreenMango]

The first few times we broke up I cried. A lot.  I spent a good amount of time wondering what happened.

As time wore on (years) I started to see things differently and became less involved to the antics.  Well guess what?  Me being indifferent upped the ante on the behavior.  Not really surprising as I look back because my indifference signaled departure.  This escalated for a good 8 months.  Then it wasn't a huge thing that broke the camels back, it was just another thing.  And I realized this wasn't really another thing - this is what it was going to be like and this was it.

When I got there the last time I didnt cry either.  I was all cried out.  I was just done.  Not saying I wasn't sad - just done and a little relieved - that first two weeks I slept the whole night the first time in probably a year.  I kept going to a shoemaker for a watch and crying each time he'd hand me a shoe.

[HarmKrakow]

I keep remembering the difference in my tears. When in the beginning she had her switch from loving to hating phase, I cried, but emotionally, as in, I felt like I lost her forever (to lose her 5 months after, as in 5 months of hatred). So I cried intensely in regards of her switch between phases as it literally happened overnight.

Intensely, like really loud crying.

Then when time came, I cried less, the hatred phase became ‘familiar’and I wasnt triggered that much anymore but as part of her hatred phase she started NC and my self esteem started slipping away to non-existent level

When the final break up felt coming along, I started to cry again intensely. But mostly from a feeling lonely, a feeling of injustice being done and also a feeling of being powerless. The crying was different, maybe same intensity, but expressed different. Like the trying to pull away tears in bed when you can’t sleep and think about her

While when she had the switch I could cry for hours and hours in the shower for example. For hoours …

[Ruthy2]

I so understand this.

Ive not cried either, my T said until I let my emotions out I wont be able to move forward in a healthy way, I just cant cry about it I dont think I have the energy.x

[HarmKrakow]

Be careful with this please, my ex BPD was always said I was such an inspiration for being so émotionless and always be able to make a rational decision, without letting it influenced by emotions. I never cried, she always cried.

When she stripped me completely of my self confidence and everything, I cried so much, so much I never did before. Basically, I never cried either. Now, bloody hell, a constant rain of tears.

[real lady]

I have cried for the past 20 months over the LOSS and realization of just HOW my pwBPD truly is... .  mentally ill and how my life has circled around him to where I had given up the joys that I HAD enjoyed very much before reuniting with him. I think, when I actually LEAVE, I will NOT be the one crying. If he has any sense at all, HE will be crying like a baby and my hardened heart will turn and walk away.

I have shed TOO MANY TEARS already. What I have to LOOK FORWARD TO does not bring me tears. LIVING WITHOUT BPD will NOT bring tears to my eyes. THE TRAGEDY of having lost him to BPD has already worked through my soul... .  maybe it may be the same with you. NO MATTER HOW MUCH we love them (and I still do, probably always will), we know that there is NO RELATIONSHIP with them and STAYING with them HURTS MORE than not being with them... .  MUCH MORE.

I say that I am "with him physically but emotionally we are FAR AWAY from each other"... .  this used to CRUSH me on a DAILY basis. Now I believe my heart has hardened so I don't cry about it... .  I have accept that this is JUST THE WAY IT IS.

[marbleloser]

You'll cry when it's the right time for you to cry.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIslcAtrWvs&NR=1&feature=endscreen

[Wendell]

sunrising,

Someone very special to me said recently to let myself feel everything, every emotion, just feel it all.  If you want to feel sad, feel it, the pain is prolonged if we don't allow ourselves this.  I think that's really the best advice.  Months ago on here there was a thread started about the ways we coped and went about healing from our relationships.  I remember saying in my post just like I mentioned before that what helped me the most was to just feel it all, there is no right or wrong way, your feelings are yours alone and the way you cope will be differently than the way someone else does.   I agree with marbleloser, you will cry when you're ready.  And the song he posted is really perfect, I hope you've had a chance to listen to it. 

I hope you are feeling better today.   

[sunrising]

I really appreciate all the insight and kind words.  I cried a little but today.  I'm not 100% sure it was grief.  I've been physically sick this week. I've only been out of my house 1 time in 5 days to go the bank and had human contact with 1 person besides the teller, which was a friend who brought me some food and meds.  I think I may have been crying from cabin fever. 

Thanks again.