Confirmation from the pwBPD

[Scarlet Phoenix]

A little background. My dBPDbf is in therapy and has been making some progress. However we're in a stressful situation at the moment, and this week his borderline behaviour has been off the charts. Just seeing me seems to trigger him immensely.

Anyway, at lunch today we were able to talk some, though, and in the end he came to sit next to me on the sofa and asked me how I wanted him to be around me, what I need etc. And he cried and whispered how he would like to change, "why can't I change?" and that he wants to be normal for me. My heart just broke for him. Then he said "but I'm not normal. I'm so fickle... " I answered "'it's like I do or say something that annoys you and you feel like you hate me and don't want to be with me. And then you calm down and feel like you love me and always want to be with me?" He responded "yeah". "And you have a lot of emotions and whatever you're feeling at the time is the truth for all eternity?" "yeah"

I was just stunned to hear this from him. I've read about it, but hearing him confirm it... .  wow. I'm sure there will be many (many, many, many) more ups and downs, but it was a nice moment, a bit of clarity.

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[Somewhere]

sssoo happy for you.

That is wonderful.

[Foreverhopefull]

 

[j4c]

hi Scarlet. Im so pleased you've got that little bit of clarity from your bf. As far as self-awareness goes hes on the right track. Its something i never got and i doubt any of my ex's other previous lovers got either but shes a million miles away from entertaining any sort of therapy!

It must've been so hard though hearing him tell you he knows he isn't 'normal'.

How will this effect your r/s going forward do you think?  

[briefcase]

I'm glad he is making progress!  It' nice to get a little validation from our partners about the relationship once in a while, thanks for shareing and keep us posted on your progress. 

[benny2]

It is hard hearing it. Mine has told me more than once that he is fickled, his mind is constantly going, he even told me one time he is a sick man and asked me whats wrong with him. Its very hard and very sad.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi everyone, thanks for the replies and sorry I'm so late to respond! 

Yes, it was hard to hear it. It's good that he has enough insight to see it, but it's no fun seeing him in so much pain. My poor love. I'm sorry to hear your SO is in so much pain, benny2. Has he shown any interest in doing therapy?

As to how it will affect our relationship going forward, it actually became a moment of insight for me, too! Really realising how hard it is for him to change and how he must live with a lot of shame and guilt and that he really doesn't want to be like this. I already knew it in the sense that I've read about it regarding pwBPD and knew it on an intellectual level, if you see what I mean. It's quite different hearing it coming from your SO and seeing him so broken. The last few weeks I've been so fed up with BPD behaviours and just tired of it all and impatient, and I haven't had much understanding for him and his struggles. After almost three years I guess I was so angry with everything that has happened from the beginning that every little thing has put me on edge lately and I've been stressing about whether or not I want to continue this relationship. This opened my eyes and it's like my anger just vanished over night. I'm still upholding my boundries, but I feel much more patient with what he can and cannot give/do at the moment. I feel peaceful. I've gotten back to seeing the real him and not just all the BPD behaviours.