Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
April 27, 2024, 12:48:43 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Things we can't afford to ignore
Depression: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts
Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has BPD
My Definition of Love. I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Codependency and Codependent Relationships
89
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Just never seems to stop hurting
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Just never seems to stop hurting (Read 362 times)
jaird
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 284
Just never seems to stop hurting
«
on:
March 10, 2013, 05:06:00 PM »
I don't know why I feel better for a few days, and then feel sad again about the breakup. It's been three months now, and I'm sure I would have gotten over it much sooner except for the fact that she bought me a book on loving someone with BPD, and asked me if I was in this for the long haul. That made me keep trying to get back with her for two months. I could not believe that breaking up was what she truly wanted after two years of discussing living together and being long term partners.
I am left alternating between the cold realization that this is the cruelest person I have ever met, and person who did similar things to other men, and remembering how devoted she was to me in the beginning and middle and even towards the end of our relationship. The paradoxes just boggle my mind.
Now she has decided that she may not have BPD, because everyone else she reads about who broke up and either has BPD, or their ex has it, well "none of those people had out issues". As if a person with BPD would only end a relationship because there were NO issues. She does not seem to realize that every relationship has issues, and every person with or without BPD who ends a relationship does so for some reason. The difference, I think, between the person affected with BPD and a "normal" person is 1. How they end the relationship, often without communication or warning. And 2. How quickly the affected person can move on, even if it is into a totally different type of relationship, one they claimed to never be interested in.
Logged
HarmKrakow
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1226
Re: Just never seems to stop hurting
«
Reply #1 on:
March 10, 2013, 05:15:39 PM »
Quote from: jaird on March 10, 2013, 05:06:00 PM
I don't know why I feel better for a few days, and then feel sad again about the breakup. It's been three months now, and I'm sure I would have gotten over it much sooner except for the fact that she bought me a book on loving someone with BPD, and asked me if I was in this for the long haul. That made me keep trying to get back with her for two months. I could not believe that breaking up was what she truly wanted after two years of discussing living together and being long term partners.
I am left alternating between the cold realization that this is the cruelest person I have ever met, and person who did similar things to other men, and remembering how devoted she was to me in the beginning and middle and even towards the end of our relationship. The paradoxes just boggle my mind.
Now she has decided that she may not have BPD, because everyone else she reads about who broke up and either has BPD, or their ex has it, well "none of those people had out issues". As if a person with BPD would only end a relationship because there were NO issues. She does not seem to realize that every relationship has issues, and every person with or without BPD who ends a relationship does so for some reason. The difference, I think, between the person affected with BPD and a "normal" person is 1. How they end the relationship, often without communication or warning. And 2. How quickly the affected person can move on, even if it is into a totally different type of relationship, one they claimed to never be interested in.
I am 2 weeks out i was hoping not to feel the way you do in 10 weeks time
. As it seems the pain is only getting worse. R/s with BPDers are substantially different than others as the ending is nastier than any other normal ending of a r/s
Logged
sunrising
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 326
Re: Just never seems to stop hurting
«
Reply #2 on:
March 10, 2013, 05:23:05 PM »
It's not just *the way they end* which makes relationships with pwBPD so difficult to get past. Do some research on "trauma bonding" & codependency. There's more to it than just the unusual way the relationship ends, and we were wiling participants. The most important thing you can do, when you're ready, is figure out the role you played in the relationship and *why* you played that role. I'm working on that myself and I'm starting to learn some things about myself. You can't change your exwBPD. Only they can do that. But you can learn more about yourself and change how you select partners as well as how you handle yourself in a relationship.
Logged
HarmKrakow
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1226
Re: Just never seems to stop hurting
«
Reply #3 on:
March 10, 2013, 05:30:05 PM »
Quote from: sunrising on March 10, 2013, 05:23:05 PM
It's not just *the way they end* which makes relationships with pwBPD so difficult to get past. Do some research on "trauma bonding" & codependency. There's more to it than just the unusual way the relationship ends, and we were wiling participants. The most important thing you can do, when you're ready, is figure out the role you played in the relationship and *why* you played that role. I'm working on that myself and I'm starting to learn some things about myself. You can't change your exwBPD. Only they can do that. But you can learn more about yourself and change how you select partners as well as how you handle yourself in a relationship.
Good point, as "we as nons" brought trauma within the r/s fuelling the BPD. However, i have to admit, if it wasn't for all the painting black/lack of empathy in the end I would have felt a lot better now. Its those 2 which drove me away the deepest in regards of hurt, and then ofcourse the issue with our own issues which we brought along the relationship, the fact they filled a scarily deep void within us... But the lack of empathy and painting black hurted the most.
Logged
jaird
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 284
Re: Just never seems to stop hurting
«
Reply #4 on:
March 10, 2013, 05:35:52 PM »
I found this thread/workshop a good read and helpful
https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Just never seems to stop hurting
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...