Temporary mirroring

[apple]

I am just curious if anyone else has ever experienced "temporary mirroring"  while in their relationship. I have thought back during the course of my marriage and when my exw would leave town for work training or meetings her personality would change. when I spoke with her on the phone something was always off and I could never put my finger on it at the time. It felt like I was talking to a different person. I think she was mirroring the people she worked with.

The D was also initiated about 4 mos after she took a new corporate job and her personality had changed with it.

[Clearmind]

Borderlines have an unstable sense of self and struggle with identity issues.

[charred]

My exBPDgf took pride in her ability to fit in with anyone... she gave examples of traveling in Louisiana and talking to a black shop keeper and after a bit talking and acting the same... and I noticed the same thing whoever she was around... basically no self... and good at mirroring. It was over the top enough to be embarrassing to me at times... .  my family read her as the biggest phony they had ever met... and quite childish... .  wish I had listened to them rather than pursuing a r/s with her.

[marbleloser]

Everyone mirrors to a degree.Babies and children mirror their parents.We might mirror a trait in someone that we like.Sometimes it's temporary.Sometimes that trait is used forever.

Ever meet someone smiling and smile back? You just mirrored them.

[ScotisGone74]

Personally I wouldn't consider smiling mirroring someone, more just being friendly than anything.  There's a difference in babies and children imitating their parents rather than someone going "Single White Female" in copying and adopting your entire lifestyle as their own when they are they same age as you.   

[Distraught-m-in-mn]

How about this for mirroring. 

Over the course of four years with my BPD wife I began mirroring her.  And she did NOT like that.  Funny how that works. 

We are still married, but living apart for the last few weeks.  The good news though is that I am beginning to be myself again and by reading and evaluating myself I'm beginning to heal. 

[Clearmind]

Everyone mirrors to a degree.Babies and children mirror their parents.We might mirror a trait in someone that we like.Sometimes it's temporary.Sometimes that trait is used forever.

Ever meet someone smiling and smile back? You just mirrored them.

Marbleloser, absolutely! You are so right.

It's very common in all relationship to mirror a prospective partner.

We in fact also mirrored our borderline partners. You idealised your partner too, you mirrored.    

The attachment/bond was mutual.

[mango_flower]

I am just curious if anyone else has ever experienced "temporary mirroring"  while in their relationship. I have thought back during the course of my marriage and when my exw would leave town for work training or meetings her personality would change. when I spoke with her on the phone something was always off and I could never put my finger on it at the time. It felt like I was talking to a different person. I think she was mirroring the people she worked with.

The D was also initiated about 4 mos after she took a new corporate job and her personality had changed with it.

Yup!  Our relationship went downhill when she started a new job and tried to get in with the "corporate crowd" which included the "power lesbians" (which she always said she didn't like before, even though we were both girls, she hated the whole stereotype).

I hated when she got her new job, she started acting cockier, and more confident, and she cared more about their opinion than her own... .  sad.

[mango_flower]

Oh - and when she first moved away to her new town, she would call for a chat (this is when we were still friendly!) and for the first half hour she would be so weird, talking about things that she never showed any interest in when we were together.

And she talked with a twang too, like she'd picked up an accent... .  I was like "You've only been there a few weeks!".  It was pathetic... .  mirroring her new gf no doubt... .  

After half an hour or so, she'd get back to her "normal" self, whatever that was... .  or maybe it was just a mirror of me... .  gosh this is a mind-twister!