What am I doing?

[lostoc]

After 2.5 years I started conversing with my ex wife last year. We started talking again around my birthday in October. Things progressed fast as usual and I visited her for Christmas. (I live in Vancouver and she lives in Orange County, CA.)

Now somehow we're discussing her moving to Edmonton and us starting a family.

The issue is I don't want this. I don't trust her. We still argue over little things and I feel she will never change and we will always come back to the old her. She's so lazy and hasn't worked in 6 months and lives in her moms closet (literally)

Why am I trying again? Why can't I walk away?

I suppose I'm afraid of disappointing her after all of the promises and future plans.

[lilyz3235]

Trust yourself!

"I don't want this. I don't trust her" these are definitely indications that you should stop this before it gets rolling again.

What is she willing to do to make it work?

I think the reasons we get pulled into these relationships again and again is because we like to feel needed by someone and we get that, if not fleetingly from our BPD partners. Also, I find that I hate letting people down. I'd rather be unhappy myself than make someone else unhappy. Despite this, you need to do what's right for you.

I told my BPD bf that I love him, but I love myself more and that he needs to respect my boundaries and my feelings. Since saying that to him this past weekend I have felt so empowered because I do love myself and I deserve to be respected and so do you!

So my advice is trust yourself and be kind to yourself. Let your BP know that you care for her but at the end of the day you need to do what's best for you. I think you already know what that is.

All the best!

[Somewhere]

You get kids and you get a MUCH bigger mess.

Doing kids with a Mentally Ill partner aint a lot joy, let me tell you.

If you cannot hear your own words try this one . . .

NO

[lostoc]

It's weird how the guilt and fear still controls. It feels like love... .  But in reality I just feel bad with ending it because I am all she has.

I did so well without her for so long.