tough week. needing support.

[mitchell16]

last week my BPDgf ended our two relationship and she got drunk and made a complete fool of herself and had a raaging fit at me. she decided that she no longer could do thsi relationship and was not going back therapy. ( she onlt went once time and never completed the homework) she borke up in a text message and refused to take my calls. I seen my therapist and decided NC was what i needed. Our jobs are intwined with each other but yet separate. Over the this past weekend we had to be in phone contact. couldnt avoid. we were civil not probelem. we did talk about the relationship and she stated how embarressed she was by her drunken behavior but of course it was everyone elses fault and that she just couldnt do relationship and this turmol had been brewing for a while without me knowing it. she said. We said our piece and it ended. Work problem was resolved. On monday I get call from her and I answer because I thought "more work problems". she then starting talking about everything from the weather to thing she needed to do at work. She ended the call with have a good day and I will talk to you later. I havent heard a sound since. I have not tried to call nor will I. But wth. what was the calls purpose. once again it got my mind to spinning. It was like a touch and go attack. she buzzed in and buzzed out and it was like she knew I would answer because it came on the tail end of a work problem so I would assume it was to do with work. Its almost like Im haunted by this person. no matter what even when I avoid her she will still find away to make contact. but what purpose and why I just can figure it out.

[Surnia]

So sorry to hear about your girlfriend and the breakup.

You handled it quiet well so far. The phone calls later are not a complete surprise for me. The most important thing is that you are clear what you want IMHO.

How do you feel about her again reaching out to you, even if it is only some small talk? What about your future, do you see it more with out her or do you have hope to be together again?

[hithere]

BPD's keep in contact so they have someone on the side they can recycle with if things don't work out in other relationships or if they feel too lonely.  Mine was honest with me and told me she would keep contacting me everyday so I could not move on... .  eventually you will recycle or they will find a new victim.  Your commitment to NC does not seem too strong right now, so maybe you would still like to get her back?

[mitchell16]

well the nc was never my idea it was what she wanted. I tried to reach out for after her drunken raging and she said that we should discontinue teh relationship and that she didnt want to speak to me anymore. I respected that and talked to my therapist and he said NC was the best to move on. Well the incident happened with work related stuff nad I thried to go thru a third party but couldnt avoid contact with her. Then next morning after the work incident she called and just small chit chat. I only answered at that point becasue I rellay didnt know if might have been a something to do with the work problem. So ifelt compelled to answer it. after that call havent heard anything else. BUt since that call I have been swirling in my head of what was the point and why does she keep doing this. if she hd contiuned with therapy I would still be trying to work the relationship. BUt in her drunken rage she said she was done and wasnt going to anymore therapy. so I really didnt have a choice at that moment. I think what Im still struggling with is how to get past all thsi once again. i was doing ok until I had to have contact with because of work. I alos dont understand why she dmeands one thing one minute and then think she has the right to just call me to chit chat. why dont she move on like she requested.

[mango_flower]

I agree that for many it's a backup plan - to keep you in the background. Not always though.  My BPD ex has stated many a time she will never go back - and judging by her past behaviour with family, friends and the very few ex partners she has, this does seem to be the case!

It could also be that her mind is in such turmoil that she's trying to make sense of it all... .  and needs answers.  I think that's what my ex is doing.  Of course, the "truth" changes day to day with her, so she'll never figure it out.  Cos that would mean NOT blaming me, and of course she can't do that... .  

The NC is good.  Try and focus as much as you can on other things.  We're here for you.  Post if you feel your resolve crumbling!  Take care x