He is gone to hospital

[Mara2]

It has been quite a ride this last month.  BPDH decided to go off his pain meds under a doc's supervision and it has been horrible ever since.  Saturday he decided he needed to go to the emergency room because he has bumps in the back of his throat and he thinks he has throat cancer.  This is likely since he smokes a pack a day, but it is not a reason to visit the emergency room.  But since he is dehydrated from the  side effects of not taking his meds I agreed to go.  They could do nothing and told him to make an appointment with his doc.  He already has one, but did not want to wait. 

Now, two days later he is checking into the hospital for major depression and because he is having visions of hurting me and the kids.  I must say I am relieved to have him gone.  He has done nothing for a month but sit on the couch and watch the clock.  He doesn't even watch TV.  I am willing to bet the farm he is mad at me because I am not falling over myself trying to make him better.  Our friends are willing to listen to him, but will not take responsibility for fixing him either so he says they do not care.  He does not want to be responsible for anything. 

The kids are happy he is gone, but want to know when he is coming back (they are 10, 12, 15, 16).  We had a long talk after he left and they were able to express their anger and fears.  I am hoping he can stay there for a good long time so we can have some time to heal. 

On a positive note, he did apologize for not taking responsibility for his feelings and for trying to make me go to counseling because he had to go and it couldn't be all his fault.  Not that I didn't want to go- there was no medical reason for me to go, so the insurance won't pay for it and we have no money to pay for it. 

So there is peace in the house for at least tonight.  I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but it will start out peacefully at least!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[yeeter]

Hi Mara,




Do you have help and support?  Friends, family, to help you through.

Since he has checked in after stating visions of hurting you/kids, I would recommend a call to the local DV hotline as well as CPS - and work with them to develop a plan where you and your children can all remain safe.  Providing an environment for the children where they have a sense of safety/stability.  A little preparation and some local support help might make a difference for the time when he does return.

[laelle]

Best Wishes to you Mara,  I know its hard dealing with a loved one who is ill.  Knowing the right thing to do at the right moment is mind boggling.

I hope your BPDH gets the help that he needs, and can come out of his treatment a happier healthier person.  I think you are right on with starting the healing process for you and your family. 

I got your PM and I will respond properly later.  I am a little bummed and disappointed with my own situation and it has me consumed at the moment.  You deserve better than my half hearted attempt at an meaningful convo.   I thank you so much for your kind words.  Getting validation and love from everyone here really helps to fill a gap right now.

[Mara2]

Thank you, both.  Yes, I do have support and so do the kids.  We have several places to go if need be. 

After posting last night I went to bed about 11:30.  He called at 1:30AM to tell me that he is being sent to the local mental health crisis center, not the hospital.  That means he could be back any day.  I was hoping for an inpatient treatment.  I am considering finding him a place to stay away from us for a time.  It really depends on what our pastor tells me of what happened last night- he is the one that took him to the hospital. 

Laelle- no worries.  The best advice I got here was to take care of yourself. 

[Auspicious]

I was hoping for an inpatient treatment.  I am considering finding him a place to stay away from us for a time. 

That might be a very good idea.

The criteria these days for inpatient treatment are very tight. There is a big and very inadequate space left between inpatient treatment and relatively stable outpatient treatment.

If you can arrange something where he can stay elsewhere, minimizing his stress from relationships and minimizing the stress that he inflicts on you, that would be great.