I am not strong enough or ready to have my ex in my life yet. Although it has been two years since our divorce and 5 years since she actually left, I am still not ready. So take your time folks. Don't rush the process. Work on being happy without them because I realized that I would not be happy with them... .
Like several others here, I needed to accept that NC was for me, not for her, and the main part of it involved accepting that I am not strong enough to deal with her. She had years to hone her skills at manipulating me to a high level. Even if I know that this is true, that doesn't give me the knowledge or power to resist them and avoid getting sucked into the same counterproductive series of triggers as before.