What I find interesting is, my wife has held strong to her past as a child growing up and will not let that go. All the abuse etc... yet with me, there is zilch from the past that is positive that she seems to recall. We are separated/getting divorced, and it is over - according to her, about a fight that happened 4 years ago. Nothing to do with the present? Always a past issue.
So why is it a BPD person seems to hold on to memories that happened to them that is the reasons why they are BPD, and cannot let go of them, yet they cannot see the good in the NON, that they willingly walk away from?
There has to be some defect that stores only bad memories and keeps any good memories locked up. It's infuriating to see this same issue occur in my relationship, and to read so many other folks experiencing the same thing.
BTW, today is my 4 year wedding anniversary. It was 4 years ago we had the most beautiful, warm,loving - wedding day with all our friends in attendance, and today we are so far apart... it's a sad story.
I'm in the same boat... . Married since almost two years ago and I received a divorce petition one month before our first wedding anniversary... .
As for memories, I think that it's the same as written above, somehow quite similar to the "spreading effect" of cognitive dissonance. Whenever we want to get rid of something/someone, we unconsciously only look for and find reproaches, flaws and downsides in it/him/her in order to legitimate our decision. I may be wrong but that looks the same as two drops.
Quote from
www.cios.org/encyclopedia/persuasion/Dcognitive_dissonance_6_glossary.htm :
spreading effect: when dissonance arises after making a decision, one way to reduce dissonance is to increase the advantages of the chosen option and the disadvantages of the unchosen option, spreading them apart.