Glassy eyes

[lipsticklibrarian]

Something that really sticks in my head with my mother is that moment when you're having a conversation with her about something and she's... .  just... .  not... .  there. It's like she's absent there is nothing inside her but pain or anger her eyes become dead and glassy. It usually happens when I'm standing up for myself and she's losing the argument or I'm confronting her about something and she's too embarrassed to admit she did something so horrible. She's just this machine that is trying to defend her empty core spurting out anger or crying uncontrollably. Does anyone else have this experience with a borderline?

[Want2know]

I know that look... .  I experienced that with my pwBPD.  How do you typically handle situations such as these?  How do they turn out for you?

[Kwamina]

Does anyone else have this experience with a borderline?

Yep, I've had similar experiences. It's very frustrating when this happens and very scary too, it's just like she isn't there or if something/someone else has taken over. When I was a kid this really confused and frightened me, I was totally unprepared to handle this.

[GeekyGirl]

My mother has done that too, and I think it happens most often is when she has trouble processing whatever she's just heard/seen. It has bothered me too, but knowing what I know now about BPD, I'm guessing that it's some sort of defense mechanism that she might be using to "tune out" something that's really painful.

How do you typically react when she does this? Do you feel like she stops listening to you when she does it?

[lipsticklibrarian]

It's interesting that she responds in this way it's almost as though her brain is short circuiting because she cannot admit she was wrong about something. Last time it happened I was on the phone with her and I had decided to stay at a friend's house instead of spending the night at hers like I had promised. It was simply a question of convenience, I was tired and it would have been a long and difficult not to mention expensive journey to her house just for one night. She phoned me in a rage as though I was a naughty child who was about to face a punishment for disobeying her which I confronted by saying it was ridiculous she was over reacting and she was winding herself up on purpose to be manipulative. I could hear the hollow sound of her throat sucking air in and out and I could tell her eyes were glassing over. She couldn't cope with it so she backed out by bursting in to tears and hanging up the phone, making me look bad.

I suppose I get through it by knowing it's just her illness and soon she will snap out of it and become normal again. Five minutes after the phone conversation she called back and was lovely to me... .