HELP I didn't cave but I now feel really sad and confused

[honeysuckle]

So I did the no contact thing for close to three weeks. We had been broken up for a month with little contact while he enjoyed his new romance. It was really hard at first since we spoke several times a day for close to three years. I was just becoming comfortable with it and out of the blue I get a text from my ex. He heard I was sick and asked if he could bring me soup. I said no thanks then he asked if he could bring me something to drink. I again said no thanks. Next day I get a text asking if I want to take a class he was going to be teaching. once again i gave him the no thanks. Next thing I know I get he misses my kids and me too. He has been thinking about us and wants to have dinner. I say NO! that my children will not be able to see him it will confuse them. (They still talk about him and miss him very much they are 11 and 9.) He tells me his daughter is leaving for school next month an he is depressed. He has to work overtime because he is broke and some other poor me stuff. I only reply sorry. He says he likes texting me and feels better. Next day he asks if we can go to dinner to my favorite place and i say I cant because I am not in town right now. He replies ok another time then... I'll let you know! Then texts me he is watching our favorite movie and thinking about me... .  I go back to NC... cant handle anymore.


So

Is it just me or is he trying to replace the loss of his kid with my kids? Do they do that too?

Is he trying to be nice to me to get to them?

And whats the deal with asking me to dinner and then telling me I"ll let you know when is good for him? Control? Mad I didn't jump like every other time?

I havent heard a peep for two days... .  after the bomb of texts how he misses me and wants to see me? Im back in the black now?

I so sick of feeling used

[seeking balance]

First off - well done sticking to your boundaries and making sure to not cause confusion with your kids!

Is it just me or is he trying to replace the loss of his kid with my kids? Do they do that too?

BPD is an attachment disorder - so this is possible, yes

is it conscious on his part - likely no

Is he trying to be nice to me to get to them?

he is being nice to fulfill something in him - what that is, nobody here can predict.

And whats the deal with asking me to dinner and then telling me I"ll let you know when is good for him? Control? Mad I didn't jump like every other time?

yep, control - classic push/pull behavior by someone triggered

I havent heard a peep for two days... .  after the bomb of texts how he misses me and wants to see me? Im back in the black now?

you didn't give him the emotional fix he was looking for, so off to find it elsewhere is all - he will likely try again.

hang in there and well done!

[honeysuckle]

Thank you. I feel terrible. This is so hard

[seeking balance]

Thank you. I feel terrible. This is so hard

I know it is and being sick doesn't help at all.

Is it possible for you to simply block his number so you don't have to be wondering "what next" or is that too big a step for you?

[honeysuckle]

I dont know if it is too big a step at this point but it has been in the past because I wanted to see if he would ever contact me again. We work together once a week. I have been avoiding being there when he is but I cant keep that up forever. So I guess the blocking seemed irrelevant if he still has access to me every week. I guess I was just making excuses.

It really is like a bad addiction. you crave it. you get a taste of it and then you feel horrible after it goes away.

I think i am mostly trying to deal with the fact that I dedicated myself to him for 3 years and he doesn't give one thought to my feelings one bit. I know thats what they do but I never saw this side this clearly before. He hid it well up until now.