Practice makes... things lighter

[catsprt]

I am slowly practicing a new skill, listening to my inner voice. Not the one that tells me that I should disregard my feelings and bend but the other one that tells me that a situation is not comfortable. When I was in my twenties a medical specialist touched me inappropriately, my guts still revulse when I think about it. Even though I changed specialist, I felt guilty and responsible for the incident... .  

No trauma there, but a recent event reactivated some old memories. Long story short I still endorsed too much responsibility but was faster at distancing myself.

[Maryiscontrary]

Yes, I am doing the same things. I was surprised at just how uncomfortable I was, all of he time.

[Grey Kitty]

It is very important to listen to those inner voices.

I actually think that even listening to the "bad" one that tells you to disregard your feelings and bend is important. The catch is to hear what it is saying WITHOUT agreeing to it.

You know... .  kinda like how you validate a pwBPD that is saying something crazy--you hear what it is saying, even if you don't agree.

With those sort of voices, shouting at them to shut up can make them more insistent. Listening to them, then telling them nicely that you hear, but aren't going to follow that idea seems to work better, if that metaphore makes sense.

Hearing the "good" one is fantastic progress.

[Maryiscontrary]

I find the critical voice is more robotic, and less natural, than the "I am comfortable/uncomfortable" feeling. The critical voice seems much like an artificial program.

[goldylamont]

catsprt the post is so beautiful, and grey kitty i *love* and totally agree with your comment. regarding "inner voice", i've been calling this "my intuition". and, i've found that my intuition has saved me from so much pain and given me so much insight. it was my intuition that told me to break up with exBPDgf, even though i really really didn't want to :-P my intuition guided me to the truth that i was being manipulated and falsely accused of being abusive when i was not the source. it was my intuition, a feeling after getting some external validation that caused me to find out about BPD a full year later after the break. what's alarming to me is that my intuition is revealing a person and situation that was far more dangerous and vindictive than my conscious mind could understand, while in the eye of the storm.

meditation for me has helped immensely. b/c this inner voice i feel is more primal, subconscious, more of a feeling or force. it's roots are before words are formed or thoughts are assembled, so in the rare moments when i am able to let go of all words, all thought, i feel this enriches and empowers this aspect of myself.

kudos for hearing your inner calling! so glad you posted this

[recoil]

I just wanted to let everyone know that Clearmind's post to the Self Acceptance Project has some good speakers about listening to that "inner critic/voice".  They have varying opinions but all seem very sound and I would encourage everyone to watch the videos.  It's opening my eyes.

[Grey Kitty]

I've found a lot of help from mindfulness meditation as well.

meditation for me has helped immensely. b/c this inner voice i feel is more primal, subconscious, more of a feeling or force. it's roots are before words are formed or thoughts are assembled, so in the rare moments when i am able to let go of all words, all thought, i feel this enriches and empowers this aspect of myself.

My meditation teacher once said that when we practice mindfulness meditation, we learn to quiet all the voices in our head which are usually trying to yell over each other, plus the ones we are hearing from other people.

She compared the quiet to a pond--When there are stormy winds, the surface is bouncing around with waves. As you get the conditions to be calmer, the surface gets smoother, making it possible to either look clearly down into the depths, or to see reflections. Neither of those works when the surface is frothy and wind-swept.

[Phoenix.Rising]

She compared the quiet to a pond--When there are stormy winds, the surface is bouncing around with waves. As you get the conditions to be calmer, the surface gets smoother, making it possible to either look clearly down into the depths, or to see reflections. Neither of those works when the surface is frothy and wind-swept.

Great analogy!  Thanks!

Something that has helped me is to step back from thoughts (or voices) and observe them as a casual observer would, or non-judgmentally.  They are just thoughts, they do not define me.  I am not my thoughts.  I can observe them and let them pass on by, like clouds passing by in the sky.  I get to choose which thoughts (or voice) I decide to concentrate on or listen to.  This way, I am not constantly reacting to internal stimuli.  It gives me more freedom and the power to choose.