When?

[Mind]

Just when do they leave us alone? My stbexH just won't.  We are still in the same house together and it's absolutely awful.  D proceedings have begun but he cannot leave due to abandonment.  In a nasty tone of voice he told me to order our D's new glasses. I told him I already took care of that.  In front of our children, he got very angry with me and made a rude comment about my degree of education and how I need to work on my communication skills. 

He IGNORED all of us for weeks and months!  He left me last summer for a few nights!  He is not even close to approachable. I cannot look or talk to him.  I handle the majority of our children's business anyways.  He is very scary to me. He's even taken our children places and he won't tell me if they were coming home or where they are going. 

The other day he shouted at me something bizarre about moving my stuff. I just walked by him and ignored him. First he didn't make sense, I didn't do anything wrong and I refuse to give him attention that way. He wants to fight me.

Just when, when will I be left alone?  I really am trying my hardest to stay far, far away from him as best as possible. Anything I say is wrong, or he comes back with a nasty comment.  It's a very scary situation for me right now. 

[Vindi]

is there anyway you can have your own "room:" for space? take a break for yourself, since the divorce proceedings have started. Kindly ask him to be nice during this difficult time, it may be a long few months for you and I do hope he can at least get along with you for the time being. Set boundaries!

[Mind]

I have the bedroom and for the most part the living room. He is downstairs most of the time. It's when we're in passing when he makes these comments. He will most likely not want to make any effort to get along with me.  He is extremely controlling and if I asked him to be nice, he would tell me no, he doesn't have to be nice to me. He thinks abuse is justified.

I will try next time to tell him to be nice to me or leave me alone!

Once I learned how to and started to establish firm boundaries last year was when he couldn't handle this.  His behavior got worse. He started to see a social worker but that even made him worse. I told him I will not tolerate him speaking to me like this. I've given him chance after chance... .talk after talk.  Nothing matters to him.  Not a care in the world... .  just sickening.

[Small Medium]

You seem to struggle unnecessarily.  The divorce proceeding have begun, be happy you behave as though divorce is a declaration of war.  Do not deceive, manipulate or feel the need to punish.  Relinquish your anger.  When you are out of the relationship you will be at peace. 

[Clearmind]

Sparkle, you and H have kids, you are in the same house – both you and Hubby are bound to be triggering each other.

Until such time as you can have separate houses please use the tools on the Undecided or Staying Boards. It’s likely you are not using the tools because you have one foot out the door. This is not helping anyone right now.

The leaving board is for those detaching and while I understand you want to detach its only possible if you work on your reaction to being triggered. Ignorance is not bliss in a BPD relationship - this will only hurt all involved.

What is concerning you right now? Are you setting boundaries to protect yourself?