What will I do - I'm frozen

[Depression = 72% of members]

Granted this is only an online r/s and one I truly believed would be finally over 3 months ago.  So much to my surprise I see a Facebook friend request yesterday from exbfBPD.    I say much to my surprise because I said some very mean and awful things to him 3 months ago.  It was a culmination of my anger, and jealousy of his r/s with the OW.  He actually disgusted me because he told me he did not really care for her, yet led her on to believe they would have a romantic and sexual r/s.  This is a second real recycle attempt - one after months of not communicating.  The last time I quickly succumbed and it had been 5 months apart but I was then still in love and in denial of his true nature.  This time I believe I am his last resort, and he has exhausted all other avenues.  Plus I see his once close best friend, his once very close sister, and the woman he replaced me with are no longer friends of his on Facebook.  So I'm sure he did something to alienate them.  I feel sorry for him.  But not sorry enough to jump immediately back in.  Yet, I still want to... .    and I know what to expect, and I know it won't be different... .  He was so full of himself 3 months ago when things were going his way.  He is jobless after 6 months.  I am getting better without him, yet I feel sorry for him.  If I just sit on the response maybe that is the answer.  I don't have to say no, I don't have to say yes, I just have to leave it status quo.  After 3 years, it is still hard to let go,but my glasses have lost their rose tint.

[susanleona]

Granted this is only an online r/s and one I truly believed would be finally over 3 months ago.  So much to my surprise I see a Facebook friend request yesterday from exbfBPD.    I say much to my surprise because I said some very mean and awful things to him 3 months ago.  It was a culmination of my anger, and jealousy of his r/s with the OW.  He actually disgusted me because he told me he did not really care for her, yet led her on to believe they would have a romantic and sexual r/s.  This is a second real recycle attempt - one after months of not communicating.  The last time I quickly succumbed and it had been 5 months apart but I was then still in love and in denial of his true nature.  This time I believe I am his last resort, and he has exhausted all other avenues.  Plus I see his once close best friend, his once very close sister, and the woman he replaced me with are no longer friends of his on Facebook.  So I'm sure he did something to alienate them.  I feel sorry for him.  But not sorry enough to jump immediately back in.  Yet, I still want to... .    and I know what to expect, and I know it won't be different... .  He was so full of himself 3 months ago when things were going his way.  He is jobless after 6 months.  I am getting better without him, yet I feel sorry for him.  If I just sit on the response maybe that is the answer.  I don't have to say no, I don't have to say yes, I just have to leave it status quo.  After 3 years, it is still hard to let go,but my glasses have lost their rose tint.

[mssomebodynice]

I have no advice to give you.  Just an ear to listen.  The pain is so big.  It sickens me to think that so many others struggle as I do, to really let go of someone who has hurt them so deeply.  I understand frozen.  It is so frightening to react to anything.  Damned if you do, and damned if you don't with your own thoughts.  I just wanted you to know that I care about your struggles with this choice.  Sending warm thoughts.

[Rose Tiger]

Remember that he doesn't think and feel like you do.  Now the OW is no longer 'friended' and is possibly on the recycle train herself.  Where I kept getting stuck was thinking I was that one special someone to him.  Your ex could be telling her that she is that special one and that you aren't a factor.  With pwBPD, look at the actions, not the words.  You are special and deserve to be with someone that truly knows it.

[blecker]

He will only hurt you again. Unless he has received serious help, he is still the same disordered personality you separated from.

It cannot be any different. Move a muscle, change a thought. Find something new and different to do this weekend. Change your perspective.

[LuckyEscapee]

You deserve better 

[hithere]

So you had a 3 year online relationship with this guy?

Maybe consider changing over to an in-person relationship with someone that does not have BPD?