How long does this take?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've haven't communicated with my ex uBPDgf in any way (guess that's NC in this world) for as long as the relationship lasted.  And I still ruminate, think about her, miss her.  I know the best thing to do is take very good care of myself, but how long does it take to fully move on?  I know, it takes what it takes, but any input would be welcome.

[fromheeltoheal]

I've haven't communicated with my ex uBPDgf in any way (guess that's NC in this world) for as long as the relationship lasted.  And I still ruminate, think about her, miss her.  I know the best thing to do is take very good care of myself, but how long does it take to fully move on?  I know, it takes what it takes, but any input would be welcome.

[cookiecrumbled]

I wish I knew.  My relationship lasted a year and a half and ended this past July.  I haven't seen him since November and have had almost no contact with him since then.  And still I cry.  Still I see a therapist, take anti-depressants, think about him every hour and grieve the life we planned ahead.

I am trying to make peace with the fact that it may be a lot longer than the length of my relationship with him.  I loved him.

Cookie

[fromheeltoheal]

Thank you.  I loved her too, and accepting that I was in love all by myself has been hard; she was so good at getting the hook in deep, and I think she loved me too, for a while at least, but it was so fleeting, where I was in it for the long haul.  Sad.

[Clearmind]

fromheeltoheal, its so dependent on a number of factors. Many of us just want to "get it" now and not put in the conscious effort to detach. NC does not cause us to detach.

We can spend some time pulling our r/s apart - finding any avenue to not blame ourselves for the r/s demise. We are not to blame for its demise - we can only be responsible for our part - we can start at the beginning!

Why do we attach to a Borderline? Why did we believe that need = love?

These are all questions we all need to ponder at some point. When you start to ponder these questions depends on you - you are in the drivers seat.

[Hurt llama]

I'm jealous of those who have the discipline to not reach out... .  

and i am sorry for any who have experienced such hurt... .  nothing like it

[expos]

I have never reached out to my ex-wife for answers.  After the divorce was official, in went NC for four months.  It was rather easy to do because she put me through so much crap that it felt like a huge relief to finally have her out of my life for a bit.  Until a few weeks ago... .  when I had to see her in person regarding taxes, and it did not go well. 

I figure she is still wounded, but part of her BPD is probably trying to destroy the past and not be held accountable.  But, I've always noticed that when things get REALLY hard, she folds, runs away, or gets really defensive.   At her core, she is awful awful person... .  so here behavior post divorce is to be expected.   

It is really tough to separate, and I'm still grieving.  But I am getting better.  Time is really on our side here. 

One thing I promise to do a couple months from now is check on this board when I feel that I've healed and moved on from my ex-wife.   I will have no problem detailing the steps I took to program my brain to not desire her anymore.