So tragic...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I know this doesn't mean a lot to you poor guys and gals who have had proper long term relationships with a BPD sufferer, but thought I'd write my thoughts here still anyways!

Long story short up until nearly a month ago I was in a 3 month relationship with a girl who suffered depression and BPD and as you'd expect things moved very fast and I was her "soulmate", "knight in shining armour" etc and things seemed perfect until one day she phoned me at work and said out of the blue she was dumping me for her ex... .  the ex who walked out on her a year and a half ago before we met. She always told me how this ex was abusive to her which I suppose spurred me on to prove to her how not all guys are bad so the 3 months we were together I treated her like a princess, always days out with her little boy and my little boy, evenings out for meals, buying her favourite flowers for her all the time, just being a nice guy in general really.

After finding out stuff about her ex it seems she really wasn't lying he is absolutely vile and this is what people who work with him told me and we'll... .  looking at his Facebook and twitter page just takes the biscuit! Status's wishing death upon people and just random vicious things he writes. I know it's the illness that controls the show, but seriously how can she be with me and then go back to some one like that?

Anyways there's been nc for 2 weeks till last night when I messaged her on Facebook about getting my things back and this is how the convo went;

Me: Hey Jess it's been 2 weeks since we last spoke and you still haven't dropped my things off? It's a bit upsetting that less than a month ago you had all the time in the world for me and all I've ever asked of you is to take 2 minutes out of your life to pop down the road and drop my stuff off and you haven't! Hope you and Harvey (her son) are keeping well x

Her: I have been busy so you'll just have to wait! Don't try and guilt me over this. We had fun but I chose the right decision to leave you for Carl (her ex) and I'm 100% happy with my choice!

Me: Ok cool just drop it off when you get time. Would be nice if you could sound a bit more humane and at least say sorry and wish me luck or something x

Her: I'm obviously not gonna say what you want to hear, goodbye Dave.

By the time that was sent she didn't just unfriend me on Facebook she blocked me instead

What happened to that sweet loving girl I knew? It's like she's dead, no emotion just nothing it's like she's a robot a shadow of the girl I knew!

[NeoReloaded]

I know this doesn't mean a lot to you poor guys and gals who have had proper long term relationships with a BPD sufferer, but thought I'd write my thoughts here still anyways!

Long story short up until nearly a month ago I was in a 3 month relationship with a girl who suffered depression and BPD and as you'd expect things moved very fast and I was her "soulmate", "knight in shining armour" etc and things seemed perfect until one day she phoned me at work and said out of the blue she was dumping me for her ex... .  the ex who walked out on her a year and a half ago before we met. She always told me how this ex was abusive to her which I suppose spurred me on to prove to her how not all guys are bad so the 3 months we were together I treated her like a princess, always days out with her little boy and my little boy, evenings out for meals, buying her favourite flowers for her all the time, just being a nice guy in general really.

After finding out stuff about her ex it seems she really wasn't lying he is absolutely vile and this is what people who work with him told me and we'll... .  looking at his Facebook and twitter page just takes the biscuit! Status's wishing death upon people and just random vicious things he writes. I know it's the illness that controls the show, but seriously how can she be with me and then go back to some one like that?

Anyways there's been nc for 2 weeks till last night when I messaged her on Facebook about getting my things back and this is how the convo went;

Me: Hey Jess it's been 2 weeks since we last spoke and you still haven't dropped my things off? It's a bit upsetting that less than a month ago you had all the time in the world for me and all I've ever asked of you is to take 2 minutes out of your life to pop down the road and drop my stuff off and you haven't! Hope you and Harvey (her son) are keeping well x

Her: I have been busy so you'll just have to wait! Don't try and guilt me over this. We had fun but I chose the right decision to leave you for Carl (her ex) and I'm 100% happy with my choice!

Me: Ok cool just drop it off when you get time. Would be nice if you could sound a bit more humane and at least say sorry and wish me luck or something x

Her: I'm obviously not gonna say what you want to hear, goodbye Dave.

By the time that was sent she didn't just unfriend me on Facebook she blocked me instead

What happened to that sweet loving girl I knew? It's like she's dead, no emotion just nothing it's like she's a robot a shadow of the girl I knew!

[mango_flower]

What happened to that sweet loving girl I knew? It's like she's dead, no emotion just nothing it's like she's a robot a shadow of the girl I knew!

I could have written this bit of your post myself... .  its the most confusing, painful thing EVER... .  

What you thought was real... .  was it really... .  ?  Totally messes with your mind.

Read as much as you can here, ask questions, you will find so many similar stories and it will at least stop you blaming yourself.  You may not find the answers, but you will at least understand that there was probably nothing more you could have done.

And it doesn't matter that it was just 3 months - I had just under a year with my sweet girl, and it was the happiest year of my life.  So much pain when it just ended.

Day at a time.  When you read some of the stories here you'll realise that in the long run, this is probably a  good thing xxx

[NeoReloaded]

I've been on here quite a bit and read and learnt so much and from what I've seen it seems you've gone/going through quite a tough time your self mango_flower so I'm very sorry to hear that. It would affect me regardless, but why would she go back to such a douche? Why not a new guy or even the father of her child who seems like a decent guy! I can't see how she must of woken up one day and thought to her self "I have a guy who treats me like no one else ever has, he's amazing, secure, safe, my knight in shining armour, but you know what... .  I actually still want to be treated like **** by my ex instead". When we met she was so open right from the second date when she told me about her depression, BPD, self harm, suicide attempt, drug abuse and as time went on she said she was so glad she found me as she felt I helped her beat her demons. It's almost like I was there to fix her up enough till she had the self confidence to run off back to her ex and the real tragic part is that I have to drive past her place every time I pick my little boy up and on Wednesday night when I went past she was hanging out her window with her ex and she looked terrible... .  with a spliff in hand too ¬.¬ back to square 1 she goes so so sad

The other thing is why block me on Facebook? She has all her other ex's on there even though they all "apparently" treated her bad. Out of sight(completely) out of mind I guess :/

[expos]

What happened to that sweet loving girl I knew? It's like she's dead, no emotion just nothing it's like she's a robot a shadow of the girl I knew!

This is the illness.  It is incurable.  It has nothing to do with you.  I keep reminding myself that ex-wife was essentially a mental patient, which makes my separation a lot easier.    

Find someone who is not emotionally unstable and see this recent turn of events as something similar to being let out of prison.  

Keep in mind that she will do this to "Carl" and will do it to those after Carl.  So don't see yourself as inferior.  Carl will mean garbage to her in a matter of time.  

[NeoReloaded]

What happened to that sweet loving girl I knew? It's like she's dead, no emotion just nothing it's like she's a robot a shadow of the girl I knew!

This is the illness.  It is incurable.  It has nothing to do with you.  I keep reminding myself that ex-wife was essentially a mental patient, which makes my separation a lot easier.    

Find someone who is not emotionally unstable and see this recent turn of events as something similar to being let out of prison.  

Keep in mind that she will do this to "Carl" and will do it to those after Carl.  So don't see yourself as inferior.  Carl will mean garbage to her in a matter of time.  

I know and I completely understand that, but there's being honest and then there's being damn right brutal and hurtful saying "I chose the right decision to leave you for Carl (her ex) and I'm 100% happy with my choice!". Is it really that hard for her to say sorry and wish me luck or something

[paperlung]

That's what they do, man. They make you feel like you're the best thing to ever come into their life, love you to death, and then... . BAM! They move on to somebody else because they feel you are no longer fulfilling their needs.

My ex-girlfriend had an online affair with a man twice her age who lived across the world. She dumped me for him, made him fly over here, a day later she is wanting me back, so he leaves like a week later, then she starts missing him again, I tell her I'm leaving and I'm done, so he comes back again, then she starts messaging and calling me like crazy saying she wants me back again, so he goes back to England again, then a month later she forms a new relationship with some other guy who lives in a different country as well. Now she's planning to go live with this new guy after only knowing him for only like 2 weeks.