Roller Coaster

[trampledfoot]

Hi All:

My BPD ex and I broke up for probably the 10th time about about 2.5 weeks ago. I have been NC since then.  I ahve been up and down since then. This week was going pretty well actually. I get the feeling sometimes basically after a gym workout that I am so happy and feel great then I almsot feel guilty for not missing her.  Then out of nowhere today i see a picture of her and I just feel completely crushed.

I love her but she says she has fallen out of love with me again out of nowhere. I just found out about BPD recently and I am assured she suffers from it.  I am upset because she never got help when ia sked her to even before i knew about BPD i jsut wanted us to see someone and I want to have another chance with her when she is getting help. I kind of want to go back in time and redo the 2+years of us knowing about BPD so I could have better understood her.  Does anyone else get this? Why do I feel so low and so high back and forth?

[mitchell16]

trampledfoot, I wish has some solid advice to give you on how to make it easier but I dont. Im in the same shape. its been 7 days since I got a text message and then it was just about work and its been almost two weeks since we have spoken. I have had so many break ups in the 2 years that I have lost count. she always wants the break ups and push me away and then she is the one who always gets me back. I really want to stick to my guns this time. It has wore me out emotionally. it sounds like you are doing the right thinsg for, so thats a plus.

Its very strange these relationships. You want it to end and dont want the recycle again but yet you are misrable without them. When you are with them you are alwasy waiting for it to turn bad or putting up with behavior that noone should have too.  Best I can say is hang in there, Im hoping for both of us it does get better. I have seen post form people that say it does so thats what im shooting for. yesturday was her b-day and it took all I could do not to text or call. But I held strong Im still sad that I missed her b-day. BUt I know no matter what it would have just led to more misery. She would have problably not answered or not responded and I would have just felt worse but on the other hand I know in her mind by me not trying and giving her the power to reject me she is saying to herself " see he never really loved  me" even tho she was the one who once again started the drunken rage and pushed me away. I wish you the best and I hope it does get better for you.

[chuckstrong]

Mitchell and Paperlung

Boy do I know how you feel... .  I am at a record 10 days NC as of tonight since

our last text exchange. Just total silence after we had been communicating a lot via text /phone. She says she tries so hard not to lean on me for emotional support but when she has yet another "crisis" she does it anyway. And I let her. I hope to God when I go out tonite and most likely have some drinks that I maybe meet someone nice and normal to keep me from breaking NC . I want to text her or call her SO bad even though I know its the worst thing I could possibly do. Last time in January after 9 days I got a "hi" text from her. I'm am torn between wanting her to reach out and just staying completely free of her toxicity. Its so sad. I thought I had the greatest girl and was so so lucky a year ago. Its been almost 7 months since she broke up with me for the third time and Im still hanging on to this. Its hard to explain to anyone unless you have lived it like all of us.

Hang in there guys. Stay NC . It may not seem like it now but they will always be miserable. At least we till have a chance to find happiness again.

Stay strong. We can do this.

Chuck

[paperlung]

I have never actually experienced an urge to break no contact before. Not this time, not any time; I was ready to move on from her back in December when she had that online affair, but after 3 days of NC she called and convinced me she had made a mistake, and I believed her. So on one hand, I know I can stay away from her both verbally and physically, but on the other... .  I have let her back into my life too easily when she reached out to me.

[trampledfoot]

Paperlung I cant tell you how refreshing that link was that you sent me. I find it fascinating that all of us are going through almost the same exact pains and that article helps me realize that it will get better.  I am a very successful person so this failed relationship weighs tremendously on me. THe article helped to realize that NO ONE can make this work long term with a BPD.

Mitchell hang in there i know how you feel. Every time i go out i am hoping i meet someone amazing that will replace her and make me forget about her.  however, we know that is irrational and not healthy.  Also that is asking a lot of a NEW girl to replace the old. Hopefull soon when we are emotionally healthy then we can let some new girl into our lives.