Do you ever second guess yourself?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

4 months after the end of my r/s. divorce in process. We have young kids so NC not possible but contact is minimal.  Intellectually I know the r/s was horrible-the rages, fog, guilt, etc. Yet emotionally today I find myself missing her, wanting contact her. Second guessing myself as in "maybe it wasn't that bad " or "maybe it could be different."  all this despite overwhelming experience to the contrary.  Still, i can't shake this sad feeling. Anyone with similar experience?

[theirdad]

4 months after the end of my r/s. divorce in process. We have young kids so NC not possible but contact is minimal.  Intellectually I know the r/s was horrible-the rages, fog, guilt, etc. Yet emotionally today I find myself missing her, wanting contact her. Second guessing myself as in "maybe it wasn't that bad " or "maybe it could be different."  all this despite overwhelming experience to the contrary.  Still, i can't shake this sad feeling. Anyone with similar experience?

[marbleloser]

I go through this sometimes as well,until I get a text or email telling me how things are going to be or that she refuses something that is court ordered.Then I snap back to reality.I also made a list,many months ago, of the positives and negatives in the RS.The negatives far outweigh the positive.I go back to this from time to time to remind myself.

I think we do this because we don't see in black and white.We see the good and the bad,but we focus on the good.Maybe because we're a bit optimistic instead of realistic.We tend to give the benefit of the doubt until we're absolutely sure of facts.

This is where we neglect to trust ourselves and gut instincts,and usually when we get hurt.We project what we "wish" it would be instead of the reality.

[marbleloser]

On another note,being sad isn't wrong.You're mourning the end of the RS.It's the healthy thing to do.You've been attached to this person.If you weren't sad,then you'd have a reason for concern.

[theirdad]

Thanks marbleloser.  You said  "... .  until I get a text or email telling me how things are going to be or that she refuses something the court ordered... "  I swear we could be talking here about the same person.  Thanks your words help.

[marbleloser]

You're welcome.A lot of the traits they have are surprising similar,as are ours.