does anybody have an idea why i may be depressed today

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Quick history, 

Undiagnosed exBPD wife left out of the blue AGAIN 7 months ago.  She left me with our two children and signed over primary custody because she wanted to be with her new man. 

She did this 6 years ago (exactly the same way) when we had only one child. 

1 month ago she sued me for custody.  We went to conciliation and the arrangement changed.  I kept primary custody and didnt lose any time.  We did agree to one more night for her, but no weekend involvement at all for her.  My kids will be with me 4 consecutive days from Thurs morn to Mon morn.  It was a win because she was trying to get primary custody. 

Why am I depressed today?  I cannot figure it out.  Is it because the anxiety and anger have diminished?  I cant figure out why I am sad about it. 

I understand each input would be hypothesized, but I cannot figure it out.  I am not beating myself up about it, but it is a new emotion like I have experienced the break-up all over again. 

[wowjer]

Quick history, 

Undiagnosed exBPD wife left out of the blue AGAIN 7 months ago.  She left me with our two children and signed over primary custody because she wanted to be with her new man. 

She did this 6 years ago (exactly the same way) when we had only one child. 

1 month ago she sued me for custody.  We went to conciliation and the arrangement changed.  I kept primary custody and didnt lose any time.  We did agree to one more night for her, but no weekend involvement at all for her.  My kids will be with me 4 consecutive days from Thurs morn to Mon morn.  It was a win because she was trying to get primary custody. 

Why am I depressed today?  I cannot figure it out.  Is it because the anxiety and anger have diminished?  I cant figure out why I am sad about it. 

I understand each input would be hypothesized, but I cannot figure it out.  I am not beating myself up about it, but it is a new emotion like I have experienced the break-up all over again. 

[wowjer]

oh.  the conciliation was 3 days ago and the agreement was made that day. 

[Surnia]

It was a win because she was trying to get primary custody. 

How did you felt when you heard about it, her intent to get primary custody?

Other approach could be: Accepting the sadness, accepting that you dont know right now why it is. Sometimes there comes the answer "out of the blue".

[arabella]

Is it possible that after all the drama, this is a bit of closure for you and that the 'relaxation' that comes with that has allowed some of your secondary emotions to surface? Perhaps now that the 'crisis' is over (fight/flight mode) your brain is now beginning to tackle the fallout. Another theory... .  You said this all happened once before, 6 years ago. Obviously you got back together after that. Is it possible that you were hoping for the same result this time around and this new arrangement has signalled to you that that is not going to happen? If so, maybe you're depressed because the agreement has made her leaving more 'real' or final. Just a few thoughts for you to consider.

I hope you are taking good care - tackling depression and being the primary caregiver for two children is hard work! 

[wowjer]

1. I will accept the sadness without trying to figure it out. Thank you.

2. Since I did not give the whole history.

6 years ago she left and gave me primary of our 1 year old daughter. She left in August and sued me in march. We settled for her to get another day. 6 months later she wanted back and the recycle again occurred.

This time she left in August and sued in march. She got an extra day. This is exact to a T.

I don't feel it is the end. I am just maybe depressed because it is soo exactly similar that this is the 2nd chance to make the right decision and that is that I say it is over and 10 years of hell and tons of recycles has finally come to a head. Acceptance on my end.

Who knows. I will go back to answer 1.

[Surnia]

I am just maybe depressed because it is soo exactly similar that this is the 2nd chance to make the right decision and that is that I say it is over and 10 years of hell and tons of recycles has finally come to a head. Acceptance on my end.

I feel myself sometimes very sad in moments of acceptance.

How are you today?

[laelle]

Maybe because while you were dealing in the court battle you worked outside your feelings.  It was the need to do what was right for your children.

Now that it is all over, its time for you to deal with your feelings about it.  Do you feel betrayed all over again?  Its ok to be depressed.  Get you a spoon and some ice cream and allow yourself to have a bad day.  You have worked hard and accomplished so much, including protecting your children.  Relax, you have just shown how adept you are and that you can take care of business.  If the day ever comes again, you will most definitely do the same.



btw some people will tell you exercising is better that ice cream, but I disagree. 

[wowjer]

I am going back and forth from the depression portion to who knows.  I have been getting phone calls from my D7 that says she doesnt want to be at her house another night.  Also, I learned that my ex's new BF has implemented a behavior plan for my daughter.  NOT MY EX WIFE.  She found a new person to be ME.  Also, MY DAUGHTER HAS NOT BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS.  The PROBLEMS ARE NOT MY DAUGHTER's, they are MY EX's. 

Funny that I talked with my ex today during "pickup" about the behavior plan and my ex focused on my facial expressions.  She stated "you are already aware that 70% of communication is non-verbal and I dont like your non verbals".  So, I get in her ear and whispered the exact same thing and she giggled.  This is the first time we touched in 8 months.  I said the exact same thing and she giggled. 

What a pscyho.