So relieved to have found you

[Seraffa]

Just last night I stumbled upon videos on YouTube explaining my mother's behavior that has never ever changed. I feel SO relieved yet so overwhelmed to realise I live with an 87 year old troublemaker (who is developing dementia as well) , but now know why she backed out of family therapy with me (despite the therapist telling her our problems would never go away unless he could help us develop trust in one another.)

I hope I can learn a lot here, as the people on the Altzheimers/Dementia board have gotten really fed up of me not being able to get my mom further diagnosed! Poor mom will have to be hauled away by Adult Protective Services in order to be placed somewhere, when we reach that point.

I will try to learn how to manage my stress levels living with her while I frequent these boards! I hope to make good friends here to break the isolation of her reclusive rules and desires for our house (my childhood home)!    Please stop by and tell me hello here I appreciate it.

[just me.]

Hello Seraffa, 

I'm glad you found this place!  Knowing you are not alone and having other people to talk to about all of this really helps.

You should definitely check out the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw Board board, and share your story there.  You will find a lot of people there that will be able to relate to what you are going through.

Are you saying that you just last night figured out that your mother has BPD?  That must be quite a revelation for you at this point!  I'd imagine there must have been a great deal of confusion for you in your childhood.  Was it traumatic?  Are you doing okay?

[BioAdoptMom3]

  and  to our little family!  I have only been here a short time but have found tremendous support and encouragement here!  I know you will make some new friends and find the same.  There is a board further down here which is specifically for the support of adult children who have a parent with BPD.  In our case it is our 13 y/o DD who is diagnosed with it.

[Being Mindful]

Dear Seraffa,

Just stopping by to say   and 

I'm so glad you found us and so sorry to hear how you are struggling with your mom.

How are you doing today? Are you taking good care of yourself?

Please keep reading and posting. Let us know how we can help. We want to walk this journey with you.

Being Mindful

[Seraffa]

Hello Seraffa, 

I'm glad you found this place!  Knowing you are not alone and having other people to talk to about all of this really helps.

You should definitely check out the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw Board board, and share your story there.  You will find a lot of people there that will be able to relate to what you are going through.

Are you saying that you just last night figured out that your mother has BPD?  That must be quite a revelation for you at this point!  I'd imagine there must have been a great deal of confusion for you in your childhood.  Was it traumatic?  Are you doing okay?

I am proudly working full time as a telecommuter from home, and am attending school online as well. I have been in therapy for 14 years previously and have made tons of progress. I have 3 girlfriends who cared for altzheimer/demetia moms before whom I can fall back upon, but because of my heavy work schedule to pay for my divorce and pay off  debts, I will be a bit socially challenged. I also  gained 10 pounds because of the last 3 months cortisol flooding my body during stress. I feel like a lonely midlife sausage half of the time. :'( but I do ok otherwise.

[Seraffa]

Well she just stepped into the room and tried to taunt me when I couldn't do something for her that I have no time to do. I feel sick now. And now I'm not sure what ratio of dementia she has compared to BPD. 

Dear Seraffa,

Just stopping by to say   and 

I'm so glad you found us and so sorry to hear how you are struggling with your mom.

How are you doing today? Are you taking good care of yourself?

Please keep reading and posting. Let us know how we can help. We want to walk this journey with you.

Being Mindful

[Being Mindful]

Welcome back!

Can you describe the taunting? What is she saying or doing?

Being Mindful

[Seraffa]

Welcome back!

Can you describe the taunting? What is she saying or doing?

Being Mindful

She's come in quite happy from the store, because secretly she called a handyman to get the screen door fixed  ( I did offer to help her fix the screen door a few months ago when she did a botched job on it.) There are several things she hasn't told me this week as far as stuff she has been thinking about doing.

Anyway after a nice day out and me helping her frail as she is up the steps she  suddenly tells me as if she doesn't care or remember that I have a full time job, go to school online, and only have Sundays off to myself that "(I )better clean out that garage, that it's so full of stuff that (I) put in there that she can't move around." (the garage has been like this for months because there is stuff she needs to throw away that I put there to make more room in her house.)

I said, "well the house needs cleaning too" ( she doesn't know my Aunt shirley is visiting in a couple of weeks in order to take a look around our house and ask my mother why on earth she doesn't help me clean the house up.) Mom won't lift a finger, and will hardly wash her own clothes and will not wash her own stinky bedsheets that smell like amonia after awhile. Mom will not even bathe but once a week and her medicines make her stink a lot. (She cannot afford a home health aide because she used this privilege up the last time she took a fall at home. )

"Well blah blah blah this has been going on for X years now" she started to rant. So I said "well, it's not going to happen right away." She called that she couldn't hear me.

I raised my voice slightly and let her hear me say "... . and I said, it's NOT GOING TO HAPPEN RIGHT AWAY mom."

So she called back "well YOU HAVE A LOT OF GALL! And " (blah blah blah )ranting and intimidating.

I was starting to do the dishes so I hightailed it back to my room to let her wallow in her own ugly mood, but inside, I really do feel defeated. When she gets started she will NOT stop, and this is why she backed out of family therapy with me. She just can't shut her mouth!

Walking away like this when I desperately need to study and work makes me want to strangle her later. It doesn't bring me peace!

[Seraffa]

I've just reached the breaking point this evening... . i feel like i need to audiotape everything my mom is saying to me and play it back for my Aunt... . my aunt is going to be the only one involved in a couple of weeks and my aunt doesn't want to approach my mom's doctor about my mom's condition. it appears either the doctor doesn't want to refer her out for second opinions or just wants to keep her on the medication she is currently on that does nothing to help either dementia or borderline personality disorder/add/depression and my mom refuses to grant me medical disclosure.

My job just shoved me into a training class this evening that I'm not supposed to be in... . im supposed to be taking my school course this evening and the people at my job responsible for this huge mistake would not get back to me at all... . I"m falling to bits

[onehoonose]

Hello Seraffa,

I feel for you. My DH and I are at our wits end dealing with his 87 y/o father. Dementia isn't a problem for us but I believe him to be uBPD with Narcissism. It's really hard to deal with parents like that, isn't it? I don't have much wisdom to offer but hope to see you around the board and will follow your posts with interest and empathy 

[Seraffa]

Thanks very much.  I started some threads under the healing-from-parent forum