Help with racing mind

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Since last year after another rage session I was starting to seriously plot to get out of my marriage with my pwBPDh, I went through a panic of worry about how am I going to make it without him.  He's been my only emotional support and emotional drain for so long.  It has been non stop panic for 10 months everyday.  For 2 months, I've been feeling generalized anxiety.  My therapist says I'm suffering from PTSD, and I've begun weekly therapy for only 1 month.  She's been teaching me techniques to come back to the moment with my breath, but it's not really helping.  I am really not well.  I have so many life decisions to make-job, where to live,  and other very large decisions I won't discuss here, and as well as dealing with the toxic shame and FOO and domestic violence childhood wounds.  I am looking for assurance in people for every decision I'm making, and I'm shaking all the time.  I'm all over the place too, can't focus.  I feel like I can't stop the racing mind.  There's so much to heal from and so much to do, it's overwhelming.

[dharmagems]

Since last year after another rage session I was starting to seriously plot to get out of my marriage with my pwBPDh, I went through a panic of worry about how am I going to make it without him.  He's been my only emotional support and emotional drain for so long.  It has been non stop panic for 10 months everyday.  For 2 months, I've been feeling generalized anxiety.  My therapist says I'm suffering from PTSD, and I've begun weekly therapy for only 1 month.  She's been teaching me techniques to come back to the moment with my breath, but it's not really helping.  I am really not well.  I have so many life decisions to make-job, where to live,  and other very large decisions I won't discuss here, and as well as dealing with the toxic shame and FOO and domestic violence childhood wounds.  I am looking for assurance in people for every decision I'm making, and I'm shaking all the time.  I'm all over the place too, can't focus.  I feel like I can't stop the racing mind.  There's so much to heal from and so much to do, it's overwhelming.

[P.F.Change]

I think it's understandable to be overwhelmed, given all you've been through.   It's great that you are looking after you by getting support from a T.

What would it be like to break each worry into manageable parts and make an appointment with yourself to focus on each one? For instance... . maybe I will devote Tuesday from 10-10:30 to working on my finances. If I start to worry about it before then, I can say, "You don't need to think about it now, because you are going to handle it Tuesday at 10. You can do something else right now." Does that approach make sense?

There will probably be a lot of opportunities for you to catch some of the automatic thoughts that might not be helping you and try replacing them with more positive ones. E.g., "I can do this." "I am going to be ok." "It's ok to make a mistake." "I am safe now."

Do you think worry/anxiety is a coping strategy for you? Are there any ways it may have helped you in the past?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[Maryiscontrary]

When you are in the middle of a panic attack, take a deep, slow controlled breath, as deep and slow as possible. Repeat, probably about 10-30 times until the bad feelings dissipate. When the bade feelings cycle up, counter act it with one of these breaths.

These are really bad feelings. I understand. This works better than anything else.

[dharmagems]

There will probably be a lot of opportunities for you to catch some of the automatic thoughts that might not be helping you and try replacing them with more positive ones. E.g., "I can do this." "I am going to be ok." "It's ok to make a mistake." "I am safe now."

Do you think worry/anxiety is a coping strategy for you? Are there any ways it may have helped you in the past?

Thanks PF for the strategies.  I do want to do them.  I know in theory that worrying does not help at all because no goal is 100% positive that my pursuits will come to fruition.  Thoughts just come into my head, many at once, especially when I have a lot going on, sometimes I wish I could stay in my comfortable room and not go out to "do" so much.  I have been a worryier since a younger person, and i catch myself seeing it's really not optimally productive.  Maybe it has something to do with the toxic shame I have and nothing is satifying, safe, or enough.  I also think I'm also in a flight/fright/mode.  I'm going to do some breathing exercises <thanks Maryiscontrary>and rest for tonight and put off these tasks for tomorrow.  


Tonight instead I went to the gym.  I did dance at the gym and a nice 5 min break in the sauna and then a relaxing shower.  What a difference getting out of my head does!

[arabella]

Aside from your T are you also seeing a medical doctor or psychiatrist? I'm just wondering if they might recommend, even in the short term, medication to help bring your anxiety level down. It might be something to consider.

Someone on another thread also recommended the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). It's a method of tapping on accupressure points combined with positive affirmations that is purported to help with psychological health. I don't know if it works but you can find all of the info for free (just google it!) and it apparently works whether you believe in it or not. Can't hurt, right?

I recently took up yoga to try and help with my constant anxiety and stress. I think it helps. At least while I'm doing it I remember to breathe and a get a good stretch (I'm so tensed up it's ridiculous). So maybe try something like that? I started just by using videos on youTube, trying a new studio this week though!

Also, come here and post - sometimes just getting the thoughts outside of your own head can help to reduce the tension.

Wishing you health! 

[Clearmind]

dharmagems, I understand how you feel. After my relationship I was diagnosed with “adjustment disorder” – I had a hard time adjusting alright!

Via therapy I realized my father is likely to be BPD – the mind went over board.

We are what we think about all day long – meaning – our thoughts can certainly rule and mask the reality or facts that are there however we find it hard to logically see them through the haze.

I find what helps is to step aside from the emotion, of whatever I am thinking about – and engage in some self-talk – ask myself how I am feeling, maybe inquire about why I may be feeling that way, where in my faulty belief system that resides, and begin the process of letting it go.

Replace the racing thoughts with data. Data is tangible, real, replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Soon the positive ones will out way the negative ones. Reframing your thoughts using Wise Mind can certainly help.

Triggering and Mindfulness and Wise Mind

Begin to re-center ourselves and balance out those thoughts/emotions. Those thoughts are usually self defeating and make us feel worse.

[Mountaineagle]

When you have PTSD you are almost always in fight or flight mode and your hormonal balance is off, meaning that any adrenaline filled thought triggers your entire survival instinct, but the system has been so over stimulated that it is not effective anymore so we get anxiety attacks.

One way to fix this is with medication, to lessen the burden on the system. It is sometimes wise to do this, depending on your situation. I have had the privilege to stay in my comfortable room in this period, so I chose not to take medication, but that is my personal decision only.

My sister went through a tough time some years ago and she had an insight I have had great benefit of. She said that anxiety attacks only lasts for 12-15 min, if it lasts longer you are prolonging it yourself. And I have found that to be true. When I have an anxiety attack I know it will end shortly and I just find a private space and let it come. There are a lot of trapped feelings waiting to burst out so it is only natural. I now see the frequency of the attacks dropping, and adrenaline spikes does not tip me over like they did anymore. Just let yourself heal and don't stress yourself at this point in time. Do small manageble steps like P.F.Change said and use Maryiscontrary's breathing advise. My last advise is to write. This will empty your mind of what is racing inside for a little while. A truly welcome break. And it will help you keep track of all the progress you are making when slowing down and doing things in manageble bites. Sometimes we mistake worrying about something for actually doing something. And worrying is energy drain number one in this situation. You need your energy elsewere.     

   

[Blazing Star]

Tonight instead I went to the gym.  I did dance at the gym and a nice 5 min break in the sauna and then a relaxing shower.  What a difference getting out of my head does!

This is great!  And the times when you can't make it to the gym, anything physical will help, even just getting up and out of the chair when you notice an anxious thought. A hand clap to jolt you out of it. Turn up some music and have a dance at home. ANYthing physical, no matter how small, will help you get out of your head and back into your body.

Love Blazing Star

[doubleAries]

This is an EXCELLENT article that has helped me with this (long but really well worth the read). Between this and my T's suggestion to make a specific time to feel emotions ("hmmm... . it's not time for this right now. That time comes at 7pm" it's worked pretty well.

My biggest worry time comes at night when I'm trying to go to sleep. An old trick my great grandmother taught me as a kid is to (silently) go through the alphabet and think of a girls or boys name for each letter (A=Amanda, B=Brenda, C=Christine, etc). I had to modify this one, because I'd find myself going off on some mental tangent thinking about the person whose name I came up with, so now I do this as fruits and vegetables, or herbs/flowers (A=Apple, B=Banana, C=Cherry, etc). I find this works really, really well.

I don't usually have racing thoughts during the day, but if I do, I find a little corner and do this anyway. But the suggestions in the article I sent the link to have been exceptionally helpful--if I can remember that it takes only about 90 seconds for the emotional memory to kick in during thought ruminations.

I know how you feel. I am divorcing my bipolar/ASPD/NPD husband, and we recently seperated (beginning of December). At first I was pretty panicky. He was my only emotional support. Uh, because he isolated me from everyone else. And the support he was capable of giving was so nonexistant that I was terrified of losing even that. I felt trapped and unable to see any solutions or light at the end of the tunnel. The good news is that changes pretty quickly!

Best of luck and healing!

doubleAries

[doubleAries]

OOPS! Forgot to copy the link!

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103393.0;topicseen