dreams

[benny2]

Got a question for you guys, did any of you experience you pwBPD having bazzar dreams? Mine will at times talk in his sleep, wake up sweating and thrashing around. He says he has weird dreams like wolves chasing him or of him fighting in a war. One time he jumped up and starting pacing, he said he had a dream snakes were all over him. Is this common?

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[Mightyhammers]

OMG YES! You just reminded me of something, she would sometimes get in this half sleep kind of state where she was conscious but not if that made sense? She would have her eyes open and be looking at me but would be talking absolute rubbish, like she was relaying her dream to me while she was thinking it? This happened on about 5 or 6 different occasions, we were actually on a plane when it happened last it was pretty surreal

[connect]

Mine wakes up in a half conscious way in the mornings and says things he doesn't remember afterwards. They give me an insight into whatever is on his mind... .

[benny2]

yeah one time he blurted his ex wifes name. I use to lay awake and wait for him to talk so I could get some imfo

[Mightyhammers]

I never got any names from her, just absolute nonsense

[Cloudy Days]

My husband has always had vivid dreams, and usually they are nightmares. I think something triggers them though because he will go through times where he can't sleep because they get so bad and other times he doesn't have them at all. They also really bother him once he does wake up. Most of the time his dreams are about me cheating on him, he will wake up and start splitting me because I cheated on him in his dream. The last nightmare he had our dog was hurt somehow, he didn't want to tell me the dream all he said was that she was dead in his dream. He woke up and immedatly went to find her and pretty much hung onto her all day long. It botherd him a lot.

[briefcase]

Yes.  My wife will sometimes wake up startled, or even screaming - she's sure the kids are hurt or that an intruder is in the house.  She's also gotten angry at me for things "I" did in her dreams.   

I think its the anxiety, or maybe some kind of PTSD.  Who knows. 

I usually say something calming and go back to sleep.  When she's really frightened, I do an obligatory "walk through" of the house to reassure her it was just a dream. 

[crazymade]

bad, awful dreams. he will sweat awfully when he gets them which is most of the time. he says they are so bad he doesn't like to sleep.

[elessar]

my ex always had awful nightmares and vivid dreams. actually monday morning she finally initiated contact after 60 days of silence after her latest breakup... . because of her nightmares.

over the past couple of months i have done research and found medical articles where 40% of BPD patients experienced nightmares etc.

so i think this is a very BPD trait.

[waverider]

Same here, and the recollections stay with her longer than most peoples would. There is also greater difficulty in separating the dream from reality. Most of her dreams center around being persecuted in one form or another

[FullMetal]

Absolutely I have had that with my dBPDw.  she'd often have nightmares, I actually think it's not necessarily part of BPD, but perhas part of what led to BPD... . our couples therapist who got my w to admit that she had been diagnosed Borderline, has several ideas of her own.  She believes that a lot of BPD patients also suffer from severe PTSD, or even Chronic PTSD.  which she felt strongly that my wife suffered from.  I think these nightmares that they have are manifestations of that part of their past.  my dBPDw was badly abused as a child and even as an adult.  She often has nightmares of her abusive ex catching her.  and locking her up and torturing her.  I'm not sure if this is an appropriate thing for me to do, but I will often bring myself into her dream.  speaking softly, reassuring her.  if she complains about her hands being bound I rub her wrists to "untie" them.  I'm not sure how much this actually helps the situation, but it generally calms her down enough to drift off into a deeper sleep, and allows me the ability to fall asleep as well without her thrashing around in bed, talking... .

One thing I think we need to avoid with questions like this however, is trying to shoehorn a myriad of symptoms into one diagnosis.  My readings on BPD throughout the years have shown me, that it often doesn't travel alone.  Other illnesses usually accompany it.  My W for example has been diagnosed with various conditions, from BPD, to Bi-Polar, to Anxiety, PTSD, Depression, and Chronic PTSD.  Also if I'm not mistaken, (it's late and i'm ready to sleep) is it not very common for diagnosed pwBPD to have had suffered abuse in the past?  or at least suffered some trauma in the past?  I personally know that some abuse is harder to ignore than others, and still have nightmares of abuse I suffered as a child, (bullying, leading to battling depression and suicidal thoughts, which led to an awaking moment for me, I no longer fear my past, I know what it was about, and I learned I wasn't alone in the fight, which is where I draw my strength from.  Which is why after almost 3 years on here I still check in from time to time, this board is a source of strength for me)  I'm constantly amazed at how strong my dBPDw is to have lived through what she has, and to remain a fairly highly functional individual, she still has some problems of course, and we are working through them together.  knowing where she's coming from really helps with Radical Acceptance.   I'm not quite there yet, but i'm getting there.  And learning these intimiate details of her abuse, is definately helping me learn where she's coming from, what causes her behaviour.  And most importantly allows me to work through in my head quickly what I need to say to defuse a situation.  In the past 6 months, I've helped friends get off the black-list, (without it feeling to her like I'm taking sides). 

When the nightmares hit, the next morning has to be perfect I've found, as she will translate her dreams into reality of the situation.  Often for the imprisonment dreams I actually encourage her to go to the store that day, get out of the house so she doesn't feel trapped, go out for coffee with friends, go out for lunch.  Something just fo her.  As she is very overly sensitive to "imprisonment"  and also abandonment issues.  I always word it do you want to go to the store?  want us all to go or would we just get in the way?  If it's a weekend I have suggested road-trips, just get out of town for a while, Find some diner somewhere have lunch and come home. 

Long story short, it's these nightmares which is why she has been prescribed sleeping pills, although she still gets the nightmares and sleep talking. 

the one thing that scared me the most was a couple months ago, i don't even remember what the fight was about.  (I was upset over something, and me having negative emotions is a trigger.  if i'm sad, angry, frustrated etc... she goes into immediate wall building mode, and starts throwing cows and sheep over the wall at me.  (Monty Python reference, (when the french start launching animals over the wall at the filthy english kinnigits. , and our way of taking meaning from the actions, so that the fight is more easily forgotten, since they were usually pointless in the first place, and it's a thing that gets us through, as it takes are mind off the fight which had no real purpose, and the things that get thrown are pointless and unrelated to what we're fighting about.  (much like the cows and chickens etc) 

as for getting mad at me for things I've done in my dream... . those are just "flying cows" days... . I wait for the cow to be launched, and then hold up a shoe, and quote Austin powers, "Who throws a shoe? you fight like a woman!" in my best austin powers voice to get her to laugh.  and once i can do that, it's all good. 

 

[profplum]

in my case nightmares are a regular feature for my wife, which can involve her walking up distressed and/or shouting out in her sleep

in a similar vein not sure if anyone else has had this - when my wife thinks i have been asleep she has started to talk to herself, usually slagging me off or telling me she hates me etc.

[Wrongturn1]

Yes.  My wife will sometimes wake up startled, or even screaming - she's sure the kids are hurt or that an intruder is in the house.  She's also gotten angry at me for things "I" did in her dreams... .  

I usually say something calming and go back to sleep.  When she's really frightened, I do an obligatory "walk through" of the house to reassure her it was just a dream. 

Ditto what Briefcase said.  Approximately 2 to 6 nights per week, my uBPDw "wakes up" in a panic, saying that she sees something or someone in the room (she did it last night, pointing to the vicinity of the small couch beside our bedroom window).  I typically try to say a few calming words and then go back to sleep.  Occasionally I'll do the obligatory walk-through of the house as well.  She has no recollection of the episode the next morning probably 90% of the time.  When she is particularly dysregulated, it is not unusual for her to have 2 or 3 such episodes per night, which wreaks havoc on my sleep. 

Also, many times she has been angry with me over things that I did wrong in her dreams.  Not fair... .   but I have learned to validate and say things like "what a terrible way to start your morning; that must be very upsetting."

[sadeyes]

My uBPDh has started having dreams when he goes to sleep after a blowout. This last time, there were multiple nightmares about different things happening to me. I am guessing it was anxiety over his behavior, as he was particularly nasty to me.

On a side note, I think it is possible that dreams are more anxiety based than BPD. I know during times of extreme stress, I dream a lot. I have problem solved in my dreams, and sometimes I can half wake up where I am semi conscious, but still continue the dream.

This only happens during times of extreme emotional stress.