Im sorry for your heartbreak badromance. I too am going through my own valley.
Its interesting and sad, but I have heard of the gender confusion that comes along with the disorder. Gay/ not gay?
Are you prepared for a recycle attempt?
Are you holding up to NC?
I if were a betting woman, I just said the right things at the right time. Provided her the validation and attention that was lacking in their relationship. As she started the push-pull, I got upset and tried harder which pushed her away even further and she started to lash out at me confusing the situation even more. I finally sought out professional help. This is when I discovered that BPD was most likely the culprit based on her behavior and childhood experiences. By this time I was damaged, broken and tired of throwing everything into a bucket with a giant hole. She moved on and has told me to so but still continues to want me around. I just won’t agree to those terms. Of course I still love her and want that person back that I first met, not the person she truly is. I try to remain strong with the NC. I do see her out in town or at the gym, but I don’t not make attempts to speak with her because previous conversations have just ended up hurting me. I have removed her and common friends from my facebook news feed and have actually managed to stayed off facebook for nearly a month (this had been the biggest help!). I do not wish to continue any type of relationship with her. She’s not even been a decent friend. It’s amazing that she only show true colors to people that are vested and care the most. I have told this story to a couple common friends and they are always in disbelief.