Leave Me Alone

[badromance]

I am 2 months out of the most “challenging” (stay positive) relationship of my life. And for those that wonder about no contact. It sucks really badly but day by day it does get better and you will still fight with yourself if this hurt worse that the pain inflicted by the BPD…it’s not, this pain you will get over.

This is my first question to the membership here… I live in a very small town and share the same circle of friends as my exBPDgf.  I’ve managed to avoid her as she has started dating a man and I have been clear that I do not want to be in the same place that she and/or her new guy is at. She agree’d that she did not awkward either. Well this was some time ago. Since there have been incidents that I feel she has gone out of her way to make sure that I see her with him. I’m not quite sure why this is. Of course she has no respect of me or my feelings as I am black as night. But why would she risk me becoming emotionally out of control and perhaps tell people I’m not crazy because we did have a secret intimate relationship while she was going through a divorce for over a year. What pleasure would she get that is greater than that risk? And I under no circumstance would I say anything to anyone regardless. She may be a horrible person but I’m not. She is not gay and is terrified for someone to find out about us, even though everyone “knows” as these are the people that tell me she shows up to these functions.

I know there is not logical reason most of the time but this one really bothers me as I’m really trying to lick my wounds in peace and work on healing.

[tut-uncommon]

Im sorry for your heartbreak badromance. I too am going through my own valley.

Its interesting and sad, but I have heard of the gender confusion that comes along with the disorder. Gay/ not gay?

Are you prepared for a recycle attempt?

Are you holding up to NC?

[badromance]

Im sorry for your heartbreak badromance. I too am going through my own valley.

Its interesting and sad, but I have heard of the gender confusion that comes along with the disorder. Gay/ not gay?

Are you prepared for a recycle attempt?

Are you holding up to NC?

I if were a betting woman, I just said the right things at the right time. Provided her the validation and attention that was lacking in their relationship.  As she started the push-pull,  I got upset and tried harder which pushed her away even further and she started to lash out at me confusing the situation even more. I finally sought out professional help. This is when I discovered that BPD was most likely the culprit based on her behavior and childhood experiences. By this time I was damaged, broken and tired of throwing everything into a bucket with a giant hole. She moved on and has told me to so but still continues to want me around. I just won’t agree to those terms. Of course I still love her and want that person back that I first met, not the person she truly is. I try to remain strong with the NC. I do see her out in town or at the gym, but I don’t not make attempts to speak with her because previous conversations have just ended up hurting me.  I have removed her and common friends from my facebook  news feed and have actually managed to stayed off facebook for nearly a month (this had been the biggest help!). I do not wish to continue any type of relationship with her. She’s not even been a decent friend. It’s amazing that  she  only show true colors to people that are vested and care the most. I have told this story to a couple common friends and they are always in disbelief.