Is she trying to get me to re engage?

[Mightyhammers]

OK well after last weeks message from her that she doesnt want to hear from me or see me again ( after she said that she was going to be staying not even a couple of miles from me this weekend, but still doesnt want to see me ), she sent me a message on sat morning asking me to send her drivers licence back, as she wanted to start her lessons again ( why bother telling me these things? ), I ignored the message but sent it back to her.

I get home and another message from her - 'thanks for sending it, wont hear from  me again', is she trying to re engage me or just being childish?

Ive ignored this message also btw

( maybe this is just a relationship issue as opposed to a BPD issue hahahahaha )

[mtmc01]

Sounds like just being childish to me. Mine had said to never contact her right after she left and then got mad that I didn't text her that I was dropping her stuff off at her mom's.

[mitchell16]

I would say in my opinon it was a little fishing expediation. Mine would always do the same sort of stuff. But she would use work. thats what she did this past week after telling 3 weeks ago she never wanted to talk to me again. she sent me a text thanking me for do something for her work related. i didnt feel a need to respond what i was doing was just my job. anyways I didnt repeond and a few days later I get another making a statement about me not answering. I still dindt repond and teh next thing I know the raging texts and voicmails started. Now I dont know if that ws a reycle attempt but it sure did make her mad taht I didnt repond to her first text which I figured was an ice breaker. Normally when we ahve been broke up and she sent something like that to me it opend the door to me asking something about how she has been or tell her I missed her. The she would engage me back and it was back on. But I didnt play that game this time and she got really mad. I have never heard this mad before.

[Dave44]

Must be nice. Mine also said "now move on and contact me never!". Never heard a single peep from her again.

[nylonsquid]

They don't know what they are doing. They just want attention.

[Mightyhammers]

and if you give it then what? Im pretty resigned to just ignoring her but just wondered

And yeah it gives me a lttle power kick just ignoring her 

[nylonsquid]

and if you give it then what? Im pretty resigned to just ignoring her but just wondered

And yeah it gives me a lttle power kick just ignoring her 

If you give it, you give in power. Her reaction is unpredictable but she most definitely would like to tag you along for whenever she needs you.

One thing is for sure, ignoring her will enrage her. I could almost gaurantee this. It's probably the second worst thing to do other than abandoning a pwBPD. Its the closest thing to them to not having control/power, feeling rejected and seeing it as abandoning. I say keep ignoring and stick that knife deeper. If she keeps coming back, block her. You need to distance yourself.

The best revenge you can dish is moving on.

[Mightyhammers]

But this is what I dont understand ( although I guess logic goes out of the window with them ), she completely puts a line under it last week but then messages me again, albiet for something she needed from me sure, and then says she wont contact me again? why bother saying it? and why bother saying shes gonna be staying within a few miles of me this weekend?

[freshstart48]

Nylon gave you great advice. I know it's hard and you probably want to stay connected to her someway but ask yourself why? What's in it for you? I loved what Nylon said in that we can get our revenge simply by ignoring them. Most of us on her know we need to move on but depending on what stage and how long it's been since the breakup, it can still be difficult.

For me, I've blocked mine on email, facebook, phone, text, etc... I know me. I'm not going to get over her if I keep having contact with her or see her on sites, etc... I turned my profile on a dating site that she joined not a week after we ended to get some childish revenge. I know she saw me on there and I took my profile back down. My point in doing that was to show her that I saw she lied to me yet again about getting herself healthy before jumping right back into dating again. It was fun but I learned it's still too raw for me to want to see her at all.

I don't know how so many of you can maintain contact, texts, facebook with these women who treated us like they did.

[nylonsquid]

she completely puts a line under it last week but then messages me again, albiet for something she needed from me sure, and then says she wont contact me again?

She's talking to herself and rationalizing her actions. I can see you're hooked on understanding and that' what she likes; to keep a seed of thought ingrained in your mind.

I can see this gives you pleasure. You'll know you're over the person once you don't get pain or pleasure from them. That's your ultimate power.

[santhony]

Thanks for posting.  I'm separated 9 months from my uBPD wife of 13 years... . it has become easier, I work very hard, but 3 months into the separation I started to date someone and felt I was in control, nothing was serious we were busy with our own kids and agreed we would just take it easy, then it's funny, all of sudden I noticed delayed responses and a sort-of pulling away, it brought back feelings of my marriage and drew me closer, with more expectations, I was also giving a little more and she wasn't asking for it.  We would often go our separate ways and then we'd have reasons to meet, either motivated by me or her.  Now it's clear, just Monday I said I was done, and she said she was done, and then I get a text regarding a question about taxes... . I asked her to call me.  It does seem childish, and so familiar as the BPD was very childish, and I'm trying to grow-up.  In my support groups we talk about how to detach with love... . so easy to share about and so hard to do when things don't go your way.  I haven't text her for 2 days and she hasn't text me... . but I know it is coming and I really want to see her, but she's been clear, no longer want to see me romantically so I have to be in place where either I can talk to her and not expect things or just wait-out the no contact.  I really want to do no contact, but she knows it will be driving me nuts.  Someone mentioned these little text messages are just fishing expeditions and they just want the attention, once they get the attention, then they are gone and satisfied.  So hard, at least my uBPDw wants nothing to do with me and barely even communicates with me and offers no emotional connection.

Thanks for the post, the replies were just what I needed to hear.

sananthony

[GlennT]

Talk about fishing up the wrong tree! My ex BPD just emailed after 1.5 years NC asking if I was ok when a plane crashed into a house a few towns from here.  I knew I was gettin better when I emailed back after 1.5 years NC, "Yes, How did you know? My cats and I need  $20,000 asap to get another house!" She emailed twice back, but I went radio silent. No pleasure, no pain, just crazy talk back from me, then NC again from me for another year or two or three., so she will think, and tell people, that I'm crazy, and needs to stay away from me.

[nylonsquid]

Hahaha! That's funny, GlennT!