pwBPD, high functioning ones, can operate in a "normal" capacity when emotions are not involved... . when emotions are involved... . that is when trouble strikes
Yes! And that's why my H can seem like such a hypocrite. He can logically see that it's annoying when others keep him/us waiting, but he doesn't understand when we get annoyed when he keeps us waiting.
He was horrified when a friend's H wouldn't help her much when she was sick, but the VERY few times that I've been sick, he doesn't want to help me. H literally said that he hated my friend's H when my H heard that my friend was very sick, yet her H wasn't helping with the home and kids. H even said that if he ran into her H at the store, he'd tell the guy off. Of course, in theory, if we talk about me having a future surgery where I would need help during recovery, H would say, "Of course I'll help you with everything." But, in reality, if I did have that surgery, he would find some excuse not to help me. He'd suddenly be "too tired," or he'd say, "I woke up with a fever today," or "you've been rude lately, so I'm not going to help you." Recently, I was out of town with my older son and I injured my back. I literally could not walk, dress, sit or get to the bathroom by myself. Thankfully, my son was able to help me a LOT. I realized that if I had been with my H, he would have found excuses not to help me (which did happen when I was 8 months pregnant and had injured my back and was bedridden. He refused to help me because he said that I wasn't being "nice". I wasn't being rude or anything, but I was in EXTREME pain and because I was pregnant, the doctors couldn't give me much for relief. So, I was crying and such, but H used that as an excuse not to help me. H actually left me for the whole night - even though he knew that I couldn't get up, couldn't get to the bathroom, couldn't get to a phone, etc. When my sister (a therapist) heard about this many years later, she told me that that was a huge red flag that he had a serious PD. No one abandons an injured pregnant woman just because the person thinks that she isn't being "nice."
When H has days off of work, he'll say things like: "this is my Saturday, you shouldn't expect me to do XXXXX". Or when he'd have two weeks off at Christmas, if I asked if we could work on some home project during that time (nothing huge, just something that might take one day), he'd say: "That's my vacation." (this wasn't his vacation... . the company closes at that time, he still gets 4 weeks of real vacation whenever he wants... . plus he has 3 day weekends every other week.). BUT... . after our kids have heard his "my Saturday, my weekend, my vacation" responses over the years, he was horrified when our kids used that response back once with him. I had to go out of town for a couple of weeks, so H was supposed to take care of the home/kids while I was gone. Since H is lazy, he decided to delegate what he was supposed to do onto the kids (who already have their own chores). So, when he tried to get them to do the stuff that I normally do, that he didn't want to do, their response was, "this is our day off." He was furious, but it never dawned on him that they were just repeating what they have heard him say all of their lives. When I pointed it out, he denied, denied, denied.
I don't know if that's a DPD trait, but my H can never see his own hypocrisy. Ever.
