Kind of put things to the test

[benny2]

This morning I decided to feel him out. Since he came to me a month ago telling me he wants to be with me, there has been no mention of anything since other than me coming over there at night to make him feel more secure. This morning I decided to try to see where this is headed, so I asked him if it was to soon to let him know I love him. His response was " I know that, you told me a month ago. Then several minutes later he texted me and told me he loved me to. What do I make of that? His first response was negative, which I think was his honest reaction, I was saying something he did not want to hear. I just don't know what he wants from me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

First response he was under pressure to say it, felt controlled or put on the spot so backed off. Second response was his choice he didn't have to say it, but it was a considered response. Whether it comes from deep down or just a diplomatic response only actions will tell.

The old saying actions speak louder than words is even more true with a pwBPD.

Even considered opinions will be reversed in times of dysregulation

[benny2]

Thanks waverider, its so difficult knowing where things stand. The last couple days he has been more quiet, so I'm just not sure whats going on in his head.

[Auspicious]

If he actually has BPD, then probing for how he feels, especially about relationships, is unlikely to be helpful.

Most of the time, he probably doesn't even know how he feels. And it changes all the time.