So it wasn't me?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

New to these boards and excited because finally some things make sense.  About a year or so ago I began to suspect that I had ADHD (in my early 30's) and checked into it.  Meanwhile, I also began having contact with my birth dad who I had not been in regular contact with since I was about 3 or 4.  Mom would say she was okay with it, but then would verbally bash his character as she always had. Finally got the diagnosis of ADHD and indicators of avoidant and dependant personality disorders--she said that all I had to do was read my astrological sign and it described these things.  Then I finally visited with my dad and she went off the deep end (more or less).  In trying to figure out where I've went wrong, I started stumbling across more and more information regarding parental alienation, narcissistic personalities and finally, what I suspect I'm dealing with, borderline personality disorder.  So many things she said and did to me growing up never made sense, I was always afraid of rocking the boat, and really that no one would believe me, and I never had a great self esteem, but couldn't figure out why.  We both lived for a brief while with my grandmother (her mom) who was worse.  Now trying to figure out what to do with my relationship with her, my adopted dad, my half siblings (brother and sister), but ultimately myself.

[Mandaryn]

New to these boards and excited because finally some things make sense.  About a year or so ago I began to suspect that I had ADHD (in my early 30's) and checked into it.  Meanwhile, I also began having contact with my birth dad who I had not been in regular contact with since I was about 3 or 4.  Mom would say she was okay with it, but then would verbally bash his character as she always had. Finally got the diagnosis of ADHD and indicators of avoidant and dependant personality disorders--she said that all I had to do was read my astrological sign and it described these things.  Then I finally visited with my dad and she went off the deep end (more or less).  In trying to figure out where I've went wrong, I started stumbling across more and more information regarding parental alienation, narcissistic personalities and finally, what I suspect I'm dealing with, borderline personality disorder.  So many things she said and did to me growing up never made sense, I was always afraid of rocking the boat, and really that no one would believe me, and I never had a great self esteem, but couldn't figure out why.  We both lived for a brief while with my grandmother (her mom) who was worse.  Now trying to figure out what to do with my relationship with her, my adopted dad, my half siblings (brother and sister), but ultimately myself.

[motherof1yearold]

   I am sorry you are going through this. But I am glad you have found great support site here.

I think you would fit in well at this board https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0 

Post and let everyone know your story so we can help you out. I wish you luck.

[Surnia]

Hi Mandaryn

and 

Great you found us, you are not alone with the feeling that suddenly something make sense. And many of us are struggling with low self esteem.

Do you know this video? Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

How close are your relationship with your mother right now?

Please keep in touch, Mandaryn.

Surnia

[Mandaryn]

Thanks to the both of you.  I will check out the board, and have checked out the video.  As for my current relationship with my mother, we have went from almost daily communication ( I would call her nearly every day for the last 8 years) to almost no communication (occasional text, specifically on holidays, one phone call one visit in the last 4.5 months).  Things are definitely different.  I will share more on the board as time allows (child just woke up from nap   )