nightmares

[afterdeath]

There have been plenty of threads on dreams and what not so I apologize for starting another.

But recently I haven't dreamt of her much anymore, I used to dream of her every night and usually it was only her.

Well lastnight made up for her absence from my dreams, I usually have multiple dreams a night and only one would consist of her.

Lastnight I had multiple dreams, every single one was of her, but this time her whole family was also in it, dad, sister, ex daughter all there.

All dreams I have of her are very intense, I remember this one perfectly, she was devaluing me in front of a strange man, daughter was crying, I could feel my rage grow as I just kept asking her why she would say such things as she would just walk away, but I don't think I actually spoke them I just thought them as if I was a ghost passing by and checking on them.

When I dream of her now I wake up in a cold sweat as if I just had a night mare, needless to say these dreams tend to alter my mood and mind for the day, usually depressing me because they felt so real and intense like she's still with me to awake to nothing.

Just wondering if anyone else is still experiencing this and what do you do to handle it?

7+ months since breakup

4+ months absolute no contact as if she fell into oblivion

[marbleloser]

You'll get past this.It's your mind trying to organize what happened to be traumatic to you.When you wake up from this,remind yourself that it's not real,but a natural process of your mind.

Go ahead and let yourself feel the emotions that come with it.Work through it.

Decide at the beginning of the day that it's going to be a good one.Try listening to music that lifts your spirits.Go out and do something.It's your life and you're the one in control of it.The only one.

[mrclear]

Nightmares are normal. We need to process and recover. The subconcious is great at doing that. That you are already dreaming of your ex in a negative light is a good sign. This will pass, as marbleloser has said. I found that it helped me to write the dream down, or what I would say to her, or rewrite the dream with a different, more positive (for you) ending. Writing is good in any case. If you are ruminating, or having thoughts or bad memories, it's always good to write about it. It lifts a weight, so you will be able to go about your day untroubled... .  

lots of strength.

[Hope 4 a better day]

I think this is normal at least I hope so. I left my BPD 11 months ago 8 months N/C and I had nightmares and woke up in cold sweats. No one around me understood what I was going through so that was scary. It is much better now I still wake up scared at times but it does not happen near as often as before. Moving forward my fear is choosing another women with anger problems this is what I deal with today. My therapist is helping me with that issue. One day at a time to a new life and freedom

[afterdeath]

I think this is normal at least I hope so. I left my BPD 11 months ago 8 months N/C and I had nightmares and woke up in cold sweats. No one around me understood what I was going through so that was scary. It is much better now I still wake up scared at times but it does not happen near as often as before. Moving forward my fear is choosing another women with anger problems this is what I deal with today. My therapist is helping me with that issue. One day at a time to a new life and freedom

Thanks for sharing And letting me know I'm not the only one still going through this.

Its getting better but there are still nights she appears, really drains the life out of me when I wake up

[Vatz]

Nightmares happen, they can be pretty bad. I used to have em a lot during times of stress. But while my GF was having an emotional affair, I didn't dream at all. It was awful, because I tend to remember my dreams and sometimes they're AWESOME. I even take the nightmares because there's a strange thrill that comes with the terror I feel in the dreams. But if I'm not dreaming, nightmare or otherwise, it tells me I'm truly unhappy.

By the way, yes an intense dream will affect your mood. Been there.You will probably have dreams for quite some time. It really seems like she occupied a lot of real-estate in your head. But it's gonna be alright. Four months is a lot of time to stay away from someone, and if you keep at it, you will do just fine.

You got this, buddy.

[afterdeath]

Nightmares happen, they can be pretty bad. I used to have em a lot during times of stress. But while my GF was having an emotional affair, I didn't dream at all. It was awful, because I tend to remember my dreams and sometimes they're AWESOME. I even take the nightmares because there's a strange thrill that comes with the terror I feel in the dreams. But if I'm not dreaming, nightmare or otherwise, it tells me I'm truly unhappy.

By the way, yes an intense dream will affect your mood. Been there.You will probably have dreams for quite some time. It really seems like she occupied a lot of real-estate in your head. But it's gonna be alright. Four months is a lot of time to stay away from someone, and if you keep at it, you will do just fine.

You got this, buddy.

Thanks, she was everything to me, that's unhealthy I know.

It's been 8 months since I've even seen her . I'm starting to finally accept letting go.

[GreenMango]

Afterdeath I had nightmares a lot the first three months.  A lot of anxiety induced ones.  Fear that it would start all over again. Then it was sporadic.  Now it hasn't happened in a longtime.  I think it takes time to work itself out.

It got better when I started feeling more in control of who I let in my life. 

Calming things helped too - deep breathing, relaxing bedtime rituals. 

[mango_flower]

Dreams are your subconscious' way of untangling things.  I don't know what's worse to be honest - the horrible dreams I have of standing there looking at her and her new gf so loved up, or the ones where we're back together and happy... .   because they just break my heart and make me feel close to her again.  And that makes it so much harder to let go!

My only solution is distraction, distraction, distraction.  Particularly directly before bed - read a good book.  I know we can't control our dreams but focusing on something else may mean that the dreams of her don't take hold as frequently x