Stay out of my dreams

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am at about 30 days NC with my BPD ex gf.  I am doing OK during the day I hit rough patches and then I turn to a friend or to the board.  Usually, by the time I go to bed I am doing great and I feel like I am going to make it. However, I have begun having dreams of her in them.  I wake up at sometimes 3 or 4 in the am and I am unable to go back to sleep for an hour or so.  Then I will sometimes go right into another dream about her.  Has anyone else experienced this? 

[trampledfoot]

I am at about 30 days NC with my BPD ex gf.  I am doing OK during the day I hit rough patches and then I turn to a friend or to the board.  Usually, by the time I go to bed I am doing great and I feel like I am going to make it. However, I have begun having dreams of her in them.  I wake up at sometimes 3 or 4 in the am and I am unable to go back to sleep for an hour or so.  Then I will sometimes go right into another dream about her.  Has anyone else experienced this? 

[blecker]

Yep.

The brain is a wonderful organ. It filters and processes pain via dreams.

This too shall pass.

[WalrusGumboot]

I agree with blecker. It will pass. You are only 30 days out.

[BPDdaddy]

Happened to me for the first couple of months too.  I would dream that everything was alright again, we were in love and supporting each other just like we had been before she split me black, and that she was happily working on her degree. 

I went to a psychiatric and got a prescription for Trazodone (a mild anti-depressant that costs about $2 for 30 and helps take your mind off of things), and at first I needed Ambien too--Now its just Trazodone when I need it, and exercise on a daily basis. 

If you can't do that, at least make sure that you are on a regular schedule, for me its lights out in a cool room at 10 and up at 5am to hit the gym.  All advice from my psychiatric, and it seemed to do the trick. 

[trevjim]

Ye same here, they do get less regular but I still have them now and again. I guess its the brain processing them.

[mtmc01]

I'm 6 weeks out. Had several dreams about her last night, one of them was me seeing her mother and ignoring me, then proceeding to tell someone she knew how awful I was and why the wedding wasn't happening. Needless to say, today had not been a good day.

[Whitefang]

Almost 2yrs out.  Still haunted by dreams. Too many open ends.  Debilitating.

[trampledfoot]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I am hihgly against using medication for anything so I am trying to stay away from that if at all possible. However, I am very dedicated to the gym and that has proven to be the best for me. All the pain and worry goes away when i am there and then stays away for some time. I feel like it just pushes it all out from under me. Great feelings.

I guess the worst part is that when we were together I almost NEVER had dreams of her once we moved passed the idealization stage. Now I cant't stop these dreams from occuring. I guess I am grateful that i am able to fall asleep generally with no problem as I work out in the evening after work.

I know everyone is different but is there any average concensus on when us NONs begin to feel somewhat "normal" after it ends with a pwBPD?

[Mightyhammers]

I am at about 30 days NC with my BPD ex gf.  I am doing OK during the day I hit rough patches and then I turn to a friend or to the board.  Usually, by the time I go to bed I am doing great and I feel like I am going to make it. However, I have begun having dreams of her in them.  I wake up at sometimes 3 or 4 in the am and I am unable to go back to sleep for an hour or so.  Then I will sometimes go right into another dream about her.  Has anyone else experienced this? 

I dreamt of her last night and Im really struggling today, in fact I feel awful – like Ive been transported back to square one again. There is absolutely no way Im going to get in contact with her ( I last saw her over a month ago and last contact was around 2 weeks ), but I just keep going through things in my head this morning. I know this is normal in any relationship, but it still sucks

[laelle]

Same for me.  I am 2 weeks out.  Im not NC, but no point really in us contacting each other.  It always ends the same.

I dreamed we were married and happy and it was sad when I woke up and remembered we werent, but I also dream about zombies, it doesnt mean I want to marry one.

[BPDdaddy]

I like your logic Laelle. 

[BPDdaddy]

My problem is that I am married to one, and don't know which anymore: the zombie or the woman. 

[recoil]

We've been apart for two months; I didn't have any dreams about her.  In a way, I think I split her black as I walked away and gave up on the "dream" of us.

Funny thing happened last week.  Two nights in a row, I had vivid dreams of her - her wanting to get back with me.  I have to admit, they were really nice dreams.  The second day, she reached out to me.

What in the world?  Did my subconscious know she was about to reach out? 

I have often thought we are "linked" in a way I don't understand.

[trevjim]

We've been apart for two months; I didn't have any dreams about her.  In a way, I think I split her black as I walked away and gave up on the "dream" of us.

Funny thing happened last week.  Two nights in a row, I had vivid dreams of her - her wanting to get back with me.  I have to admit, they were really nice dreams.  The second day, she reached out to me.

What in the world?  Did my subconscious know she was about to reach out? 

I have often thought we are "linked" in a way I don't understand.

I had two dreams in a row now where I have got back with my ex and its been lovely, she told me she made a mistake getting with her new guy and should never of left me yadayadayada

I think it stems back from a quick phone call about 3 weeks ago about a bill, on the phone she was really pleasent, almost overly nice, and that made me subconciously think or perhaps want her back.

[trampledfoot]

Funny thing happened last week.  Two nights in a row, I had vivid dreams of her - her wanting to get back with me.  I have to admit, they were really nice dreams.  The second day, she reached out to me.

Curious recoil ... . who ended it this time and did you give in and begin talking with her again?

If she ended it how long have you been with her?

I am curious if there is some kind of correlation between dreaming of them and who leaves who  etc

[recoil]

Technically, I'm not sure.  We were together for around 17 months.

She asked for a break.  I had sensed a desire in her to talk to someone else for awhile.  I just had a gut feeling based on her withdrawing and always being buried in her phone.  

I asked if we could see other people during this break.  She said no.  At that time, I felt she wanted to do whatever she wanted and she wanted me "waiting in the wings" in case whatever she was doing failed.  I'm nobody's backup b*tch.

So I said no to a "break" and escalated it to a "break-up".  I told her I deserved better and I left.

The last breakup, where I asked her to leave and ended our engagement, I had a terrible time sleeping (didn't know anything about BPD back then).  There was a lot of guilt and she used it.  We recycled.  I tried using the tools from the staying board but felt I wasn't being true to myself in the long term.

Now she's reaching out to me.  I guess whatever she was doing didn't quite work out so well.  Too bad.  She lost one hell of a man when she asked for that break.

I maintain LC because we work on the same floor.  I don't consider talking to her giving-in.  Another recycle would be giving-in. 

[trampledfoot]

Now she's reaching out to me.  I guess whatever she was doing didn't quite work out so well.  Too bad.  She lost one hell of a man when she asked for that break.

I maintain LC because we work on the same floor.  I don't consider talking to her giving-in.  Another recycle would be giving-in. 

Great thing to look forward to from my perspective. We were together 2.5 years and i think we recycled at least a 12 times.   This is the second time she has told me "i am not in love with you anymore this is not how it felt the first 6 months"  If that isnt a classic BPD i dont know what is. 

Again like you I was unaware of BPD till about 5 months ago.

[trampledfoot]

I should add that she fell out of love with me and how did she know this... .   "i met someone who I have  a little crush on that i will not pursue"

[paperlung]

I can totally relate! I'll go to bed feeling OK, but when I wake up (after having dreams about her), I'm anxious and nauseated.

[trampledfoot]

Same thing again last night went to bed around 11 feeling ready to move forward.  Had dreams of her woke up at 1am fell back asleep after about 20 min then woke up again at 4am couldn't go back to bed.  This morning I am feeling pretty beaten again.  I have reached the point where I want to move forward i really do; I am just afraid ill constantly be chasing what her and i had and the feelings she gave me healthy or not.