Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 12:12:29 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: My Family Core Values  (Read 506 times)
JKN77

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 47


« on: April 02, 2013, 12:15:37 PM »

I mentioned in another post that I had written up our families core values at one point and gave a copy to each member of my family so all could refer to it. I also just printed out a copy on nice paper and framed it so all can see it. It was nothing new to anyone, my husband and I have always tried to teach our children these basic principals, but I felt that because our home had gravitated away from it with the contention and other things seeping in, I would put it in writing.

Please understand that we are christian. I hope no one thinks that because of what I have written here we are doing great, we still have a long way to go, that is one of the reasons I wrote this. It gives us a platform to try for.

Also, please don't think that because my beliefs and values may be different than yours I would judge you in the least for it and I hope you won't judge me either.

I am sharing this because I was asked to. Another poster here wants to see it to try to get ideas. I am nervouse to do so as I kind of feel like I am baring all and might be judged or you might think I will judge you. Please don't think that. I absolutely believe that everyone has the right to think, act and believe the way they choose and I embrace that.

Our Families Core Values


As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we strive to uphold the teachings of the gospel as declared in the Bible, Book of Mormon, and all the teachings of the prophets; putting the will of the Lord first, upholding the commandments and values set forth in these books and teachings - many of which can be found in For the Strength of Youth, Young Woman’s Values and Duty to God booklets. Some of these values include honesty, integrity, virtue, etc. This value also includes attending church services on Sunday and obeying the Sabbath the rest of the day.      

Each member has a responsibility to contribute to the family within his or her realm. The father, being the head of the family, is primarily responsible for providing the financial support. The mother is primarily responsible for the needs of the children and home. Both parents are responsible for supporting each other in their roles and assisting each other as needed. Both are also responsible for the education and spiritual development of their children. Each child has the responsibility to put forth their maximum effort in learning their religion, education and life skills that are necessary to enter into adulthood as positive, productive members of society, being able to fulfill their eventual roles as mothers, fathers, spouses, etc. Each child is also expected to obey the rules of the house and be respectful to their parents.                  

All members of the family are expected to treat each other, and all people, with respect, seeking to see their true worth. This includes respecting others privacy, property and individualism.                     

Each member of this family is expected to behave in a manner that shows respect for themselves and others, including dressing modestly, not swearing or using foul language, not being excessively negative in their speech or actions, not taking anything into their bodies which could be harmful (drugs, alcohol, excessive amount of junk food, etc), not being promiscuous with their bodies (touching, excessive kissing, sex), etc.   

Each member of this family should be loving and supportive to the other members of this family, encouraging, uplifting and doing all that we can to make sure all of us feel loved, safe (emotionally and physically), and assisting where we can so that each person is able to achieve all the good things they set out to do. This can be as simple as driving someone to, and/ or, attending an activity, or volunteering to do a chore, not arguing or showing aggression or anger.   

   

As members of this family, we try to be self-sustaining, striving to provide for our own needs. We work hard and pay our own way. We do not seek handouts, play the lotto, or look for other ways to take advantage. We give 1/10th of our earnings as tithe. We strive to be honest in all our dealings with others.         

As part of showing value to each other, trying to keep our home a safe, spiritual place is important. Each member should strive to conduct themselves in a manner that will allow for peaceful, inviting environment, one in which the spirit may dwell, and we all can feel welcome and at peace. This includes, but not limited to, no R rated movies or any movies with excessive violence, swearing or sexual content, no violent video games, no pornography, but appropriate books, music, etc. are encouraged.

   

Our family values include celebrating holidays with family, food and gifts; creating our own traditions and including other family members and friends.   

         

We strive to take care of each other if sick or debilitated; this includes grandparents that might need long term care or neighbors who need a helping hand.   

Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
sunshineplease
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 159


« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2013, 12:19:20 PM »

Spelling it out so concretely is so helpful. We're trying to do that in our family, and I have to say it's a challenge. My husband and I don't have similar views (spiritually or otherwise) on core values as lived (vs. expressed). I'm so happy for you that you all are on the same page!
Logged
jellibeans
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 1726



WWW
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2013, 01:09:45 PM »

thank you... .   this is very helpful... .    
Logged
JKN77

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 47


« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2013, 01:12:30 PM »

I hope so... .  

I see a lot of people have read it but not commented, hope I didn't affend anyone.
Logged
Reality
*******
Offline Offline

Posts: 1102


« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2013, 01:37:31 PM »

JKN77,

Family Core Values, so important for families to discuss and understand.  Thank you for sharing with us.  Food for thought.  We are all more alike than we realize.  I truly appreciate the details you have written.

Reality
Logged
griz
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: married
Posts: 859



« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2013, 01:38:00 PM »

JKN77:  I am sure you did not offend anyone as you even pointed out that they are your values and that you were not judging anyone.  I think this was such a great example and one anyone could use just substituting their own values.  Even though my core family values may be a bit different, I respect yours and I think it is a wonderful idea.

Thank you so much for sharing your families values.

Griz
Logged
JKN77

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 47


« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2013, 08:22:32 PM »

Thank you everyone, and ... .     you are welcome... .   Smiling (click to insert in post)
Logged
pessim-optimist
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 2537



« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2013, 09:27:58 PM »

JKN77,

thank you for sharing!

I want to encourage you, you fought through your nervousness and made yourself vulnerable by posting. That took courage!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

As we are here to support each other, in supporting our children with BPD, you are safe in sharing your family core values. There are all kinds of people on this board with varying beliefs. It is so liberating to know that you can freely share. As we respect each other's right to their own beliefs, we reap the benefits of being respected. And that is SO IMPORTANT for all of us, as we so often get challenged in our personal lives with our loved ones with BPD... .      
Logged
singing
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2


« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2013, 10:18:13 PM »

Good for you ! I am impressed that you have such clarity and conviction. I am so overwhelmed with my d17 that juSt getting through a day without having to leave the house during her violent rages is all that matters. 

Logged
pessim-optimist
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 2537



« Reply #9 on: April 07, 2013, 12:19:39 PM »

singing,

Welcome

that's ok, we all get overwhelmed at times, and having even a healthy teenager can be a big challenge at times. Add BPD to it and you have your hands full 24/7!  

Keep posting, you can take a break here, get ideas on how to take good care of yourself, so you are more relaxed, and also you can learn new skills here that will make it easier for you to help your child.

Most importantly, you are a part of a community here, that understands what you are going through, and that in itself is a great help.

Thinking of you.  

Logged
JKN77

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 47


« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2013, 10:05:45 AM »

Hi Singing,

Don't let my values fool you. Yes, this is what we are striving for but are still a long way from it. But it does give me something to base my decissions on that they can see. Just last night we had another family meeting where I reminded the kids about our core values because the contention was esculating again, of course my one BPD child refers to them as "a bunch of rules".

There are many days when I just want to throw in the towel, believe me, you are not alone. As I stated in another post, the people on this site are probably the only ones who truely know what it means when I describe my day, or life, as being "over the top".

Hang in there, we understand the daily struggle you are facing.
Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
vivekananda
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: married
Posts: 2353


« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2013, 06:38:37 PM »

Hi JKN77,

I just found your post. Wow, I am blown over by the strength of your words. It is a very impressive value statement and commendable. I think we could all learn from it (changing what we'd need to). I have always believed that my dd needed such explicit and defined boundary statements, sadly, like others there was not agreement in my house either. I have heard my position described as 'restrictive' and dh's position described as 'permissive'. But even so, if our dd was BPD, we would have been fine. It was BPD that threw it all amiss.

Congratulations JKN on showing your vulnerability and being so sensitive in doing so. In our house here, in our community we accept all comers with an open heart. While there is no need for any of us to be 'preachy', explaining our position, our beliefs and how they have helped us, is part of our journey of understanding. In my own self reflection, I may also help others, regardless of any belief system. You would probably know that I am an atheist.

By the by, I don't think what you wrote had anything that could be construed as offensive. Of course, there are things with which I would disagree (eg roles of men and women), but I think I can allow other people to have different positions to me (wry irony). There are many here who read but don't post, or who post irregularly. As we know having a child with BPD is a very difficult thing and we all of us manage in our own ways. Maybe also, those who read don't need to focus on values at the moment, so feel they have nothing to say.

What you have written has prompted me to want to return to a list of values that I have somewhere. I feel sure we would benefit from more on values.

of course my one BPD child refers to them as "a bunch of rules".



of course  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) I can see it!

Cheers,

Vivek      
Logged
sunshineplease
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 159


« Reply #12 on: April 14, 2013, 03:33:53 PM »

My husband and I just did a first draft of our family mission statement. It really helped to have others (like yours, or those in Steven Covey's book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, to use as a starting point! Sometimes I think it's doubly important for those of us without religiously derived boundaries to put these things in writing. Or those of us who don't always agree with our spouses.  
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!