Was your ex extremely negative?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Overall, my ex is an extremely negative person.  He never smiled in photos and he frequently claimed that he would never make it to his 30th birthday.  I never understood that.  He also would say how unattractive he was and how he had nothing to talk about to other people (especially women).  When we dated, that changed some- he could now see a future... .   now, when I see him he looks sad and angry again.  I wish I wasn't so empathetic to him- especially with all the hurt he's put me through. 

[SarahinMA]

Overall, my ex is an extremely negative person.  He never smiled in photos and he frequently claimed that he would never make it to his 30th birthday.  I never understood that.  He also would say how unattractive he was and how he had nothing to talk about to other people (especially women).  When we dated, that changed some- he could now see a future... .   now, when I see him he looks sad and angry again.  I wish I wasn't so empathetic to him- especially with all the hurt he's put me through. 

[VeryFree]

Yes, negative about everything and everybody.

[Mightyhammers]

Very positive about the relationship when it started, turning to very negative about it and pretty much everything else soon after

Such a shame

[Blessed0329]

Yes, my ex has a tightly contained rage boiling under the surface. He never once erupted in front of me, but would slam doors, and go outside to do whatever to calm down. The rage seeped out through sarcasm, extreme competitiveness (especially with other men, and he relished destroying them in some way), and through suspicion and paranoia. He was very drawn to positive, upbeat females, who he enjoyed mirroring.

[mitchell16]

hmmm. mine was exremely positive, I mean over the top about everything but her personal relationships. It was back and fourth involving personal relationship. One minute our was the greatest and then a flip of a swith. It was all bad. all her problems in her life was from our relationship or relationships involving friends or family or co-workers. Never her.

But when it came to herself, she had a very high opinion of herself, example. She was the greatest, she would tell herself how much she was liked by people, any small accomplishment she would make just brag and brag about it. She once got mad at me because she got a promotion at work. It was a good accomplsihement. I was very happy for her. She told me about it in a text message. I repsond with congratultions, Im proud of you and Im happy that you got what you wanted. Later that night while I was on the phone with her. She told me that she didint think that I was supportive enough and happy for her accomplishments as her other friends were. I was speechless.

[In Pieces]

My exBPDgf of two years always had an underlying negativity and jealousy ever-present in her.  She was able to control/ hide it during the beginning of the relationship, however it slowly begain exhibit itself more and more as the relationship progressed.  It got to the point where almost everything we talked about became stress inducing and negative.  Whether it was going out with friends or sharing a story about my day... .   especially normal interactions with other people.  I am looking at a text that I sent her just two months before the end of the relationship and it read... .   "I love how I can talk to you about absolutely nothing anymore without you putting some sort of negative twist on it."  Her response was... .   "Everything IS negative, it's like a million TV's going off in my head all at once."  I responded nicely... .   "Well, I'm turning off all your TV's, disconnecting your cable, and hiding all your remotes.  I love you!"  I had attributed her behavior to the stress she was under in her Masters program.  Looking back now, I can see it was just another symptom of her illness manifesting itself.  I have been NC for almost four months and my heart is broken.

[BradyK]

My ex was not negative. In fact, I would say he was generally more upbeat than most.  I think he is a person who likes to be happy, and often has a kind of infectious playfulness. I think this was genuine and not an "act" he was putting on for me. He could be opinionated and judgmental, but not moreso than many people.   

As our relationship progressed beyond the idealization stage he was more often negative around me, and about our interactions, often for reasons I could not discern or that surprised me. This didn't seem to translate to his other daily activities, though, but I am not sure about that.

[mango_flower]

Yes, extremely!

Negative about everyone in her past - they were always awful to her, she was always a victim... .  

Negative about her day (I used to get phonecalls where she'd moan about her work colleagues, how she was being picked on, how somebody had cut her up on the road on the way to work... .   )

In the idealization phase with me, or when she meets a new person, she's extremely positive... .   because to her, that makes everything "perfect" - but when they do one thing wrong - wow!  They're awful... .  

So on the whole, she is negative to the core.

Looking at her facebook today reminds me of this - she is currently saying what an awful week it is, how she has hurt her leg, how she's upset about her new girlfriend having to go on a work course, just general moan moan moan... .   that she can't sleep... .   the last status was "furious!" but I have no idea what about... .  

This HELPS me, as it makes me see that it's HER with the problem, it wasn't me, and her life ISN'T perfect now... .     So yeah - I'm glad I can still see her facebook to remind me of what I am NOT missing! 

[LMNO]

hmmm. mine was exremely positive, I mean over the top about everything but her personal relationships. It was back and fourth involving personal relationship. One minute our was the greatest and then a flip of a swith. It was all bad. all her problems in her life was from our relationship or relationships involving friends or family or co-workers. Never her.

But when it came to herself, she had a very high opinion of herself, example. She was the greatest, she would tell herself how much she was liked by people, any small accomplishment she would make just brag and brag about it. She once got mad at me because she got a promotion at work. It was a good accomplsihement. I was very happy for her. She told me about it in a text message. I repsond with congratultions, Im proud of you and Im happy that you got what you wanted. Later that night while I was on the phone with her. She told me that she didint think that I was supportive enough and happy for her accomplishments as her other friends were. I was speechless.

Sounds unfortunately quite familiar to my relationship with my ex.

[apple]

Negative $hit crackers victim-waif-martar to all that get close. boo-hoo wah wah  complains for attention and drama.

would even complain about the size of my pecker and it being too large... .   Seriously... .   What the heck

[LuckyEscapee]

Had to  at this. Wow was he ever!

He was so negative all the time it was completely draining. He is nasty with it too. Highly highly judgemental, but deep down insecure himself.

It is the one think he cannot mask in his re-engagement attempts, it shines through that he is the same ol' same ol'. Not having that negativity in my life anymore is sweet nectar, everyday is a breeze by comparison. 

[nolisan]

Negative?

Is the pope Catholic?

Virtually everything I held dear - my town, my friends, associates, values, AA, my recovery circle, well off people, Christians ... .   was often subject to extreme negativity and criticism.

I actually bought into some off this and put distance between friends and activities. Thank God they were still there for me after she left.

Then sometimes she would be really complementary. Once sent me a beautiful list of 50 things she loved about me.

Said those were still true after she betrayed me and moved back in with her hubi.

Crazy making ... .     don't need that crap anymore.

[paperlung]

Mine would switch from negative to slightly positive on a dime. Boy, was it ever bad when she was really depressed. The things that would come out of her mouth about wishing to be dead/to not exist would send shivers down my spine. And there was nothing I could ever do to snap her out of it. Just had to be patient and let it pass.

[TheDude]

Mine would go through cycles, which were duplicated almost exactly through four iterations of this 'relationship'. The majority of the time, she was positive, optimistic, focused and seemingly happy. But inevitably there would be the switch. The apparent smooth sailing would become chaotic and dramatic. The negativity has gotten worse with each passing year, culminating with the most recent 'spiral' into the vortex last fall. With what should have been a typical, impersonal discussion on world events turned into a bizarre and even paranoid rant. She demanded that I name one thing positive about anything. In a rare moment for myself, I was left speechless and dumbfounded. I was, to no surprise, painted as not just 'black', but naive and willfully ignorant.

I don't know that I necessarily attribute this to "BPD" in and of itself. Actually, it would make more sense to understand the comorbid effects of bipolar traits. In any case, her negative behaviors are no longer my dragon to slay. My only concern at this point is resisting the infectious and intoxicating positivity she'll inevitably display when she returns for round five... .  

[hithere]

Mostly negative, very jealous of everyone else.  Hated anyone that was prettier, younger than her.