I was going to move into her place...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Today she drove past my place.

She would have to deliberately drive into my street as it goes nowhere.

I didn't feel much at all.  Two weeks ago, I would have been in a mess.

NO contact works.  Time heals !

Monty.

Way to go man.  Keep it up.

[imstronghere2]

Today she drove past my place.

She would have to deliberately drive into my street as it goes nowhere.

I didn't feel much at all.  Two weeks ago, I would have been in a mess.

NO contact works.  Time heals !

Monty.

Way to go man.  Keep it up.

[Vindi]

  see how strong you are! just keep that NC going, and going and going... .  nothing can stop you now!

[MontyD]

Eight weeks and two days of N/C, and I sort of broke it. I sent her a text. But there is a story.

A very good friend of mine and also a very good friend of the ex's, ex-husband told me the other day, that the ex has been trying to reconcile with the ex-husband.  He has been in relationship (I hope strong) for a couple of years. This attempted reconciliation has been going on for a couple of months, not sure how long, but certainly before the trip we made to visit mother and the sisters.  This trip is outlined at the top of this thread.

The ex has been turning up un-announced and causing much stress for the ex-husband and his partner. They are aware of her BPD and what damage these people can cause, and just want to get rid of her.

The ex had told her ex-husband that she had gone on the trip to see mother but had gone alone and went by plane ! And she and I were only friends.

Well, if you need to lie, you had better have all bases covered.  The silly girl had left all the fuel dockets and receipts for food and accommodation etc in the glove box of the car. I gathered them all up along with some photos of us together with mother and sisters and gave the lot (some stuff I copied) to my friend to give to the ex-husband.

Next thing the ex-husband turns up in the evening.  Thank God I don't have issues with him, much bigger !  We had a long talk over some beers and I had told him that I was in N/C with his ex and he now seems to be the fall back guy.  He left on good terms, and much wiser about his ex and pwBPD.

So, today I sent her at text to let her know, we all know what she is up to.

Briefly :-  Some fool left all the fuel dockets for the trip in the glove box.

I gave them to ****, along with photos.

                 

**** is wondering how you were in flight and buying fuel on the ground at the same time.

We are all awake up to your lying scheme.

Goodbye   Again.

I think I may have made a new friend today.  The ex husband

Did I break N/C  ?

Monty.

[KE151]

Hi monty,

How ever good it must have felt sending her the text, you still broke NC. Not judging or anything, just saying. We all have been /will be tempted to do similar stuff, so don't start to punish yourself for this. But you opened the door for her, into your mind. And NC is about keeping that door closed.

But please, spend a few moments exploring your mind and then answer one simple question: Why did I feel like texting her? And maybe another way of looking at it: what did I want to achieve?

Asking these questions has helped me keep NC.

[MontyD]

I was angry with her.  First time in almost 3 years.

After I sent it, I felt good. In the past, I put up with her when I should have been angry.  This time I let it out, and got some of "ME" back.

The texts and Phone are now blocked again. I feel I can move forward faster and get out of this mess.

Monty

[fromheeltoheal]

I felt the same way Monty, angry!  There's only so many times someone can rage at you, out of nowhere, for no apparent reason, and not want, or be able to, talk it out and find some kind of resolution, except everything is my fault.  I only got angry a little at the end when I'd had enough, but a lot of anger was repressed I've found out and am finding out, as I work through my detachment.  I've fantasized about sending her a nastygram, which would feel good for a minute, but I now see her as a sick person, not a bad one, and adding to that pile of rage in her psyche wouldn't help, and make me feel worse eventually.  Sad all the way around, so I punch the crap out of my mattress when needed, and focus on me and my growth.