Feeling so alone; how much to communicate/not communicate?

[Seraffa]

I got fired from one of my part-time, at home telecommuting jobs yesterday, right during a night class I was taking and my mother could hear me sobbing loudly but I kept my door shut and didn't say anything about it later to her. For those just getting aquainted with me, she has BPD and dementia.

Honestly I don't know how much to share/not share with her because I don't know how her triggers will change as the dementia progresses. For now I don't want her to strew extra things around the house or complain that I should go back to doing housework for her, because she's unable to afford to pay me for that sort of stuff.

None of my friends called for 2 days after I let them know what happened and I am in a lot of friendship pain now! Angry too, and feeling  like I don't have close friends anymore who are strong enough to keep up with me.

Am I doing alright? I HURT a lot right now... .   and things feel surreal... .  

[Kwamina]

Hi Seraffa,

Sorry to read you're feeling this way. I understand that it must hurt you to have your friends, or at least people you considered to be friends not reach out to you. Do these people know about the situation with your mother?

Can you miss the money from this part-time job you just lost or did you really need it to make ends meet?

[Seraffa]

Thanks Kwamina; I know you've been so kind on my other thread when I first got here; it's nice to see you.

I won't exactly be out on the streets with just the one job, no, but I had done my schedule so exactly and pinned my hopes on the extra money comng in to pay for my long-awaited divorce, and back-owed child support from all the other times I was unemployed.

I wanted to tell my friends how much I hated my new evening job, now that the morning, part-time job was gone. My evening job scares me to death because the software is so complicated for UHaul. I truly didn't know what I was getting into although Uhaul has a high rank for being a company with good benefits for its telecommuting employees.

My friends know, yes, and were giving me good advice. But none of them has said they're in bad shape lately( ill, fired from a job,being beaten up by a boyfriend) and one of them  I lent some support to on FB just the other day. No response later.

I've been through the bad-employer-hate-my-job thing thousands of times before to survive but each and every time I get the rug pulled out from under me in friendships, I just can't recover from it in time to save my life. Fortunately, I'm not one of those people interested in suicide, but I'm not sure my friends feel the same way I do, even about friendship.

[HarmKrakow]

Thanks Kwamina; I know you've been so kind on my other thread when I first got here; it's nice to see you.

I won't exactly be out on the streets with just the one job, no, but I had done my schedule so exactly and pinned my hopes on the extra money comng in to pay for my long-awaited divorce, and back-owed child support from all the other times I was unemployed.

I wanted to tell my friends how much I hated my new evening job, now that the morning, part-time job was gone. My evening job scares me to death because the software is so complicated for UHaul. I truly didn't know what I was getting into although Uhaul has a high rank for being a company with good benefits for its telecommuting employees.

My friends know, yes, and were giving me good advice. But none of them has said they're in bad shape lately( ill, fired from a job,being beaten up by a boyfriend) and one of them  I lent some support to on FB just the other day. No response later.

I've been through the bad-employer-hate-my-job thing thousands of times before to survive but each and every time I get the rug pulled out from under me in friendships, I just can't recover from it in time to save my life. Fortunately, I'm not one of those people interested in suicide, but I'm not sure my friends feel the same way I do, even about friendship.

The fact that you are not interested in suicide already shows immaculate strength my dear. I don't know you, but i've read this topic and I would just like to tell you, hang in there, and hopefully with a new job you might create some new contacts. I know your feeling unfortunately.

That is a common phrase here unfortunately as well, shame we couldn't be all living together in some sort of NON-BPD country. That would be wonderful.

[irene76]

Hi Seraffa,

From the "mom" point of view, as well as from the view of someone who had a dear friend with dementia, I know how difficult things must be.  It is scary to people to have a friend with an ill parent.  They almost back away, not sure what to do or say.  It does hurt. 

Please seek out any resources from your community, and stick with it with regard to your mom's care.  Get legal advice as well regarding power of attorney and other matters.  The support you can get for the dementia can open some doors for you to get help yourself.  I know you've probably tried, but be the squeaky wheel. 

Get some help for yourself as well.  It is a terrific strain.  Don't be afraid to see counseling, and be picky on the counselor.  If you are low on funds, get one with a sliding scale or other low-income program. 

Remember that everyone feels alone in these situations because they cause us to withdraw into our own world.  Using this website is an excellent idea because you are reaching out for support and will receive it.  There are wonderful people here.

I know you've probably heard all I've said before, but hope that it gives you some comfort to know that others have gone through it and know how you feel. 

Take care,

Irene

[GeekyGirl]

I'm sorry, Seraffa. 

Irene76 has a good point--right now you do need a support system, both in caring for your mother and for yourself. Don't give up.

What you decide to share with your mother is really up to you and what you're comfortable telling her. I'd look at what she needs to know, what would affect her, and how she'd react to your news.

Losing a job can make you feel very lonely--I've been there too. I'm sorry that your friends haven't been as supportive as you'd hoped they would be. There are a couple of things you can do from here. You could reach out to them again, perhaps asking one or two to go out for coffee (sometimes it's a lot better to meet up in person). You could try something new, like volunteering, which is a great way to meet new people and feel better about yourself. For whatever reason, it sounds like your friends are tied up with their own issues right now.

Is there something small you can do today for yourself? Go for a walk, try something new, or get some sun... .   sometimes doing something small for yourself can help.

[Seraffa]

Thanks and hugs to all  who posted