Still detaching... what to do...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi everyone... .  

Its been a few years since me and ex - BFF (BPD) ended our friendship.

Just this year, we have text/emailed eachother very few times just to say Hi.

The problem Im having now... .   I see her out at our kids soccer games or functions and just cant bring myself to go over and say hello... .  

She has never owned up to her actions/words and has never apologized for the great hurt she caused me and what contributed to the end of our friendship. I feel by going over to her and saying hello would be giving her the message that I am ok with her actions and how I was treated in the past. Historically, she has never owned up to her actions and always wanted to brush it under the carpet like the hurt wasnt there and I allowed that to happen for the sake of the friendship, which I know now was the wrong way to handle it... .   easier then the confrontation and ensuing punishments I would be subjected to... .  

I want things to be cordial and friendly between us, but dont know how to resolve this in my head and make that move... .   ? Yes, she could come over to me as well, but she doesnt... .   in the past I chased her... .   I wont do that now... .  

[lacole]

Hi everyone... .  

Its been a few years since me and ex - BFF (BPD) ended our friendship.

Just this year, we have text/emailed eachother very few times just to say Hi.

The problem Im having now... .   I see her out at our kids soccer games or functions and just cant bring myself to go over and say hello... .  

She has never owned up to her actions/words and has never apologized for the great hurt she caused me and what contributed to the end of our friendship. I feel by going over to her and saying hello would be giving her the message that I am ok with her actions and how I was treated in the past. Historically, she has never owned up to her actions and always wanted to brush it under the carpet like the hurt wasnt there and I allowed that to happen for the sake of the friendship, which I know now was the wrong way to handle it... .   easier then the confrontation and ensuing punishments I would be subjected to... .  

I want things to be cordial and friendly between us, but dont know how to resolve this in my head and make that move... .   ? Yes, she could come over to me as well, but she doesnt... .   in the past I chased her... .   I wont do that now... .  

[hithere]

I would leave it as-is, I am not sure you have anything to gain by re-friending her.  Likely she will just squirm her way back into your life and repeat the past.

good luck

[lacole]

I do agree with you... .   I cant even for one second imagine reliving most of those years with her again... .   the work, energy and time... .   it was consuming. I second guessed everything... .  

I guess I still am... .   second guessing if I should approuch her or not. I think for now, I will leave it as is. Life is easier and so much better with her not in it.

I feel badly for not even being able to go over and say Hi given how close we were and our families were, but I guess I need to do what feels best for me now... .